


my best habit

by themodernmary



Series: Tell Me You Want Me [1]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Age Difference, Angst, Degradation, Dirty Talk, Dom/sub, Mutual Pining, Reader-Insert, Rough Sex, Slow Burn, Smut, Unprotected Sex, [ben wyatt voice] it's about the yearning, if the writers won't give hotch proper character development then i WILL, no beta we die like men, so much introspection
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-04
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:55:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 84,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26813263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/themodernmary/pseuds/themodernmary
Summary: When Aaron Hotchner ended your affair with him, saying that a serial killer was going after him and his family, you were content with the idea that you'd probably never see him again.Two years had come and gone since then, but when you get dragged into an FBI investigation as a key witness, you and Hotch are forced to come face to face with all the things left unsaid.
Relationships: Aaron Hotchner/Haley Hotchner Mentioned, Aaron Hotchner/Reader
Series: Tell Me You Want Me [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2123616
Comments: 215
Kudos: 425





	1. Prologue

_“If you were waitin’ on the sunshine, blue sky_

_Cheap high, lullaby_

_Then my best habit’s letting you down”_

_\- The Maine, “My Best Habit”_

**_Two years earlier_ **

Your eyes scanned the University Ballroom, your champagne glass practically ignored in your hand. You hated all these alumni networking galas and avoided going to them as much as possible. Old, sleazy lawyers with much younger women on their arm reliving their best cases with each other and expecting all the new law students to laugh when they were able to get their defendant acquitted because of some dumb technicality. It made you sick.

It didn’t help that you were already going in with a bad attitude. Your ex-boyfriend had dropped by your apartment that morning to pick up the rest of his stuff, and he decided that the best person to help him with that was the girl he had been cheating on you with. You caught them together three weeks ago, and you had been so stressed from midterms that you hadn’t even had the chance to go out, get drunk, and have wildly irresponsible rebound sex.

But you had to suck it up for the night, at least until you were able to get the answer you came for. After that, you could go back to your apartment, replace your too tight and too short dress with some nice pajamas, and watch trashy reality TV until you passed out on your couch.

You scanned the room a few more times until you caught sight of a tall man in a dark suit leaning against the bar. _Bingo_. You set your champagne flute down and ran over to him as fast as your heels could take you. Once you were just a few steps away, you quickly composed yourself and walked straight into his line of sight.

SSA Aaron Hotchner rarely came to alumni events here at George Washington Law School, citing that he wasn’t even a prosecutor anymore and had much more important work to do back at the BAU, but he was going as a favor to his old law school buddy. Plus, it was either coming to this or going out to the bar with the team, and seeing as he had _just_ signed the divorce papers with Haley, he wanted to be somewhere he wasn’t going to be profiled all night. The free champagne was also a bonus.

When you saw that his name was on the RSVP list, you knew that you had to go.

“Agent Hotchner?” you asked, giving him your best straight-A student smile.

He refused to look up from his phone right away, not giving you the chance to charm him. “I’m not currently on duty. If there is a case you would like the BAU to look over, that’s handled by our media liaison,” he said absently, taking another sip of champagne.

You frowned but kept your hand out for him to shake. “That’s not what I’m here for, I-” You took a breath to compose yourself. “My name is Y/N Y/L/N. I’m a first year here- getting a joint JD and masters in forensic psychology. My goal is to become a prosecutor,” you pressed, and you were rewarded when he perked up in interest. He slid his drink on the table.

“Most law firms don’t usually want a prosecutor who is going to empathize with the person you are prosecuting,” he mused and shook your hand, his grip just tight enough to pass as faux politeness. 

You shook your head and clasped your hands behind your back, trying to ignore how warm his hands were. “I think the best prosecutors empathize with the defendants,” you admitted. “Isn’t that how you succeeded as both a prosecutor and as a federal agent? That’s actually why I came to you, I wanted to ask you a question... for one of my papers,” you added quickly, figuring that the best way to get him to talk to you.

Aaron’s posture changed from half-asleep to maybe listening, and your face went red. Sure, you only came to the event to talk to him, but you never thought that you’d actually get Aaron Hotchner to pay attention to you. “I didn’t empathize with the people I was putting in jail,” he told you, his voice ice cold. “That didn’t come until I worked in the BAU, and even now, I wouldn’t call it empathy. Just understanding of how they became the type of person they are.” He leaned sideways on the bar counter and you felt yourself shrink under his gaze. You shifted slightly and felt the hem of your dress move up your thighs ever so slightly. Aaron noticed too, if the lick of his lips was anything to go by.

You took his silence as your signal to ask your question. “You offered Jessica Michaelson a lesser sentence that had her released in just three years despite the fact that she murdered her brother in cold blood in his sleep. You had the evidence, why didn’t you push for premeditation?” you asked, and his eyebrow quirked upwards. “In the case _The People vs. Michaelson_ ,” you added unnecessarily, trying to break the silence.

“I know the case you’re referring to. I was the lead on it,” he reminded you, his voice edging on dangerous. “You know, most people aren’t interested in my days as a lawyer.”

You shrugged, hoping to appear more confident than you felt. “I’m not most people,” you agreed, biting down on your lower lip. His gaze was so intense, and it was affecting you in ways you couldn’t have imagined. _It was turning you on_ , you realized with a start. It had been a while since you had last had sex, and it was driving you only slightly crazy. “But that doesn’t answer my question.”

Aaron grabbed a champagne flute from a server walking by and shoved it in your direction. You grabbed it cautiously. “Did you read the police report on the case?” he asked, and you nodded wordlessly, taking a sip of the champagne. The alcohol was making you bolder, and you stepped towards him. “Then you’ll know that there was very little physical evidence tying her to the murder. We chose to offer the charge that would have stuck instead of risking her being found not guilty.”

You gritted your teeth together in an effort to calm yourself down. “She murdered four people within the six months after she was released from prison,” you reminded him.

That seemed to have struck a chord with Aaron, and his steely persona seemed to fade ever so slightly. He sighed exasperatedly; you were obviously getting on his nerves. “The prints and DNA that were collected and put into VICAP when she was in prison are what got her caught in the end, and that was the evidence needed to lock her away for life. We wouldn’t have gotten those prints without her original charge. It all worked out.”

You groaned and threw your hands in the air. “You couldn’t have predicted that, though,” you argued. “And people have been found guilty with way less evidence than you had in the original case. I think you just felt bad for her, considering her brother was a real piece of shit.” You were being difficult now, you knew that. But there was something about Aaron Hotchner that was pulling you in, and you wanted to see how far you could push him.

Aaron gave you a predatory grin and he stepped towards you ever so slightly, finishing his drink. He must have had multiple drinks too, judging by the soft flush on his face. “Oh, you do?” He seemed amused now. He slowly raked his eyes from your face, down your neck, and down the rest of your body, and you forgot how to breathe. You knew that it was inappropriate and that he was a highly respected FBI agent, even if he was kind of an asshole at the moment. You also knew that the two of you were crossing lines that neither of you should have even been close to, but you shivered under the weight of his gaze all the same. 

You shifted back and forth, your brain trying to process what was happening. “Yeah, I do. And I know that you transferred to the FBI after Michaelson was arrested again, which makes me think that this case was your breaking point,” you ranted, your hands becoming more and more animated. 

Aaron chuckled, but there was very little amusement behind it. “Are you sure you want to be a lawyer?” he asked, cocking his head to the side. “Because you’re starting to talk like a profiler.” 

You arched an eyebrow at him. “No thanks,” you said firmly, and he just shrugged before making a move to walk past you. You sidestepped in front of him, effectively blocking him from going anywhere. But it was obvious that he was done talking about this.

In your mind, you had two options now. You could keep pushing him about a case that he obviously didn’t want to talk to you about, or you could switch gears in your brain and have him help you solve your... _other_ problem. Aaron was attractive, and you were getting tired of guys your age. You noticed the distinct lack of a wedding ring on his finger, but there was still a tan to show that it _had_ been there. So either he was recently separated or just trying to cheat on his wife. You wanted to not care whichever it was, but a pang in your heart told you to be considerate. Besides, you did _not_ want to get involved with another cheater.

“Must be hard to be at these events without your wife here to scare off all the lonely female law students,” you mused cautiously. You didn’t want to come on too strong, but the alcohol in your system was slowly clouding your ability to be subtle.

Aaron cleared his throat, obviously taken aback by the sudden shift in conversation. “I’m not married,” he said, too quickly and too defensively. _So he’s separated_ , you thought, and you stepped closer to him.

His eyebrows furrowed as he tried to figure out your endgame. “Well, I would love to discuss your work as a prosecutor more when there are less… _distractions_ around,” you whispered, your words breathy. “Tell me, Agent Hotchner, do I make you nervous?” You sounded a lot more confident than you felt. 

Aaron just smirked and grabbed your free hand, covering it in both of his, and the action was surprisingly soft, even if it was way too late for him to try acting suave. His eyes, on the other hand, told a whole other story. His pupils were so dilated that his eyes were practically black. “I face the worst people in society on a daily basis. Desperate law students don’t make me nervous. In fact…” He stepped towards you, looking around to make sure nobody else was looking. Aaron leaned in close, his lips brushing against your ear with every word. “I think that I make you nervous. And more than nervous, I make you _very_ excited.”

Your breath hitched as he pulled back, a smug smile gracing his lips. You yanked your hand back to preserve what little dignity you had left, but it was too late. “Now, if you would like to discuss my prosecuting career more in-depth, then you can set up a formal meeting with me at the BAU,” he continued, obviously proud of himself and the effect he was having on you. He pulled out a business card and upon further instruction, you realized that it wasn’t even his. _Jennifer Jareau_ the name read. “Our media liaison will be able to help you organize that. Now if you don’t mind, I am going to retire for the night.”

Aaron finished the rest of his drink and brushed past you while you were still trying to get your thoughts under control. “Oh, and you’ll make a wonderful lawyer someday, I’m sure of it,” he called over his shoulder, and that snapped you back into action. 

You followed, running around him and cutting him off. “And if I don’t want to discuss your prosecuting career?” you asked, batting your eyelashes at him. “What if I was interested in a… less formal meeting?”

That was all the permission he needed. Aaron grabbed your hand and pulled you out of the ballroom, the two of you moving so fast that nobody in the room even had a chance to put two and two together. There was an empty hallway just next to the entrance of the room and Aaron pulled you in that direction, pressing you against the wall and kissing you fiercely the second the two of you were alone.

There was nothing gentle about the kiss, but in a strange role reversal, he let you take the lead. It’s certainly not what you expected from Aaron Hotchner who, until now, had been controlling every aspect of your meeting. You realized then that this was his way of making sure you were okay with what was happening- giving you a chance to back out and change your mind. You just answered by tangling your hands in his hair, pulling so that he was at just the right angle to kiss you. 

Aaron dug his fingers into your hips, hard enough to make you gasp out. You were definitely going to have bruises the next day, but you couldn’t be bothered to care. He shoved his leg in between yours and tugged on your lip with his teeth, which made you whimper involuntarily. He smirked against your lips, obviously proud of the noises he was drawing from you. You pulled on his hair harder as a sign of irritation, but that seemed to only make him more amused as he pulled away to laugh into your neck.

“Are we just going to make out against a wall like we’re back in high school, or are you going to actually do something worth my time?” you breathe, fighting to keep your voice even and light. It only halfway worked as he dragged his tongue up your neck to your pulse point. And then he bit down, _hard_. 

It took everything in your power to stay quiet, especially as he softly kissed the newly forming bruise. His attack on your neck was relentless as he pulled your hips and back forth against his thigh. You whimpered as you desperately tried to get any friction from the simple movement. Your skirt was now dangerously close to being pushed so far up your legs that you would be completely exposed.

You pulled away first- you had to or your legs were going to completely give out from under you. You desperately tried to get your breathing under control and, to your annoyance, he looked perfectly composed. The only thing giving him away was his slightly swollen lips.

His fingers trailed up your thigh, getting _so close_ to where you want him. “What would you like me to do then?” he asked easily, his voice almost sounding bored. You were speechless, like your brain had just short circuited. There were a lot of things you wanted him to do, but the words were lost on the tip of your tongue. “If you want something, you have to _ask for it_.” That was a demand, and he punctuated it by pressing his thigh further into you. You were sure he was going to have a wet spot on his slacks. He took the hand not in between your legs and grabbed your jaw forcefully, his thumb resting on your bottom lip. “Use your words, little girl.”

You realize that the two of you were standing on the edge of a cliff, and you had the power to decide whether or not to jump over. It gave you a strange sense of power. Logically, you knew it was a bad idea. He was too old for you, obviously going through some sort of relationship trauma, and wasn’t somebody you could talk to your friends and family about. But the less rational side wanted him so badly it hurt. You wanted him more than you’ve wanted anything or anyone in a long time.

You noticed your strawberry colored lipstick was smudged ever so slightly on the corner of his mouth, and that’s all it took for you to jump off the side of the cliff. “I want you to drag me into the empty classroom just down the hall and fuck me senseless. I want you to use me,” you moan before taking his thumb into your mouth and sucking.

The look on his face is something you’ll never forget. There was a mix of shock and arousal, but also something primitive; His eyes darkened when you told him to use you, and there was a fluttering in your stomach. You couldn’t tell if it was from excitement or dread. Maybe even both.

He removed his hands from your mouth and legs, only to place his hand on the small of your back. He began walking towards the classroom you had pointed out, much too slow for your liking, but he knew exactly what he was doing. “You’re going to regret asking me to use you,” he practically growls in your ear, each word increasing your arousal. “Are you one of those lonely female law students you warned me about? So desperate and needy for a real man to bend you over a table and fuck you until you can’t walk straight? Ready and willing to whore yourself out for the first man who gives you a second glance?”

Your breath hitched as you stuttered out your answer. “Y-yes, Agent Hotchner,” you whispered as he opened the classroom door and guided you in.

As soon as the door was shut and locked, he was back on your lips again, lifting you so that you were sitting on one of the desks with your legs wrapped around his waist. “Call me Aaron,” he mumbled in between kisses, and you were all too happy to oblige.

You were a moaning mess at this point as his hands pushed your dress up to your waist. His hands and lips were somehow everywhere at once and you were so hot and all you could think about was getting your damn dress _off_ , but Aaron seemed to have other plans.

He ran his fingers up your lace-covered slit and he just chuckled into your lips. “You’re so wet for me, already,” he groaned and you let out an embarrassingly loud moan. “And I’ve barely touched you. Do my words really have that much effect on you? Do you like it when I call you a whore?”

He hooked his fingers under the waistband of your panties and quickly pulled them down. You could feel his bulge pressing against you and all you could think about was how badly you wanted it. How badly you wanted him. Your hands moved down his chest to make quick work of his belt, and his pants followed after.

“Please, please Aaron,” you begged, desperately trying to create some friction against him. His fingers tangled in your hair and he pulled your head back so that you were looking at him. 

“You’re so pretty when you beg.” His fingers slowly ran up your slit, not enough to give you any pleasure. He was teasing you and enjoying every second of it. “And I wish I could take my time with you. The things I want to do to you…” Two of his fingers entered you and you cried out loudly. “But somebody could walk in on us at any second. I’m sure they can all hear you moaning like a dirty whore, all for me. But you’d like that, wouldn’t you? So desperate for my attention and approval.”

His words turned you on more than you would have liked to admit. “Yes, Aaron yes. _Please_ -” you were cut off by Aaron curling his fingers, hitting that spot that made you want to scream out in pleasure. But all too soon, they were gone.

He inspected his fingers, which were now covered in your juices, before bringing them to your mouth. “Suck,” he ordered, and you eagerly complied, wrapping your lips around his fingers and moaning at the taste of yourself. “I’ll just have to fuck you quickly here, and then you’ll be begging for more next time,” he groaned and finally- _finally-_ entered you.

He didn’t give you time to adjust to him, thrusting roughly into you. He removed his fingers from your mouth and brought his hand to your neck. He didn’t put any pressure, but he wanted you to know that he could and would if you decided to get mouthy with him.

Your hands gripped the edge of the desk you were sitting on, your knuckles turning white. Your eyes started to close in pleasure as his hips slammed into yours, but they shot open as he tightened his grip on your throat. “Look at me. I want to see you when you cum,” he ordered, and you nodded the best you could.

“Yes sir!” you cried out, unsure of what else to say. 

Seemingly satisfied with your answer, Aaron released your throat and moved his hand down so that he was stimulating your clit. You could feel the coil in your stomach tighten as your legs started to twitch. Aaron took this as motivation to slam into you even harder, relishing each time you gasped out his name.

His pace was unforgiving, leaving you gasping for air. Keeping your eyes open was a challenge, but you were able to do it with his soft mutters of praise. “Even brats like you can be good girls,” he groaned, his thrusts becoming erratic. “You just need somebody to fuck it into you.”

You were unable to respond coherently, so you just settled on begging even more, although you weren’t sure what you were begging for exactly. Aaron seemed to know, and he sped up his fingers against your clit. You wanted to scream out for him, but your voice wasn’t working. “What did I say before?” he asks roughly. “If you want something, ask for it.”

“Please… please can I cum?” you cry out, feeling yourself getting close to the edge. “Please let me cum around your cock!”

He nods in approval and you have to muffle yourself in his neck to keep quiet. He fucks you through your orgasm, the overstimulation almost too much, but it’s not long before he’s moaning your name, and you feel him fill you.

The two of you stay like that for a few moments, both breathing heavily as the situation starts to sink in. You just let a guy almost 20 years older than you that you just met fuck you in an empty classroom, and you _really_ enjoyed it. Aaron, on the other hand, looked like he was going through a full crisis.

He pulled out of you slowly, and you winced at the feeling. He pulled up his pants quickly. “Fuck,” he muttered under his breath, looking around the empty classroom. “I don’t have anything good to clean you up with.” A box of kleenex caught his eye and he grabbed a few tissues. It was better than nothing.

You chuckled nervously and waved it off. “It’s fine,” you promised, your voice coming out shakier than you expected, but he ignored you. He wiped the mess dripping down your thighs. You were cold. He must have noticed because he took off his suit jacket and wrapped it around your shoulders.

“Are you okay?” Aaron asked softly, and it was a full 180 from the way he had just been talking to you.

“I’m great,” you admitted honestly. “Seriously, that was… great.”

Aaron smiled at you- the first real smile he had given you all night. “It wasn’t too much?” he confirmed, and you suddenly remembered what he had said to you earlier. _...then you’ll be begging for more next time_. Was he planning on a next time? You wouldn’t have minded it.

You shook your head and slowly slid off the table. You took one of the tissues and wiped up the mess that was left on the table. “Not at all. In fact, I could take more. _Next time_.” Your voice was light and airy. Aaron watched as you picked your underwear off the floor. There was no way you were putting those back on, not when you had no idea when the floor was last cleaned.

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep,” he teased, eyeing you carefully.

“Well I can’t keep it if I only have your media liaison’s number,” you reminded him, your eyebrow raised. Aaron chuckled and pulled out another business card, except this time it was his. You plucked the card out of his hands and inspected it carefully. “I’ll call you sometime. You can do all those other things we didn’t have time to do.” You were on your tiptoes now, whispering in his ear. “You know… my mouth can do a lot more than just ask for things.” As you spoke, you slipped your panties into his back pocket. You just laughed as you heard a soft gasp escape his lips.

You made your way towards the door, your legs wobbling dangerously underneath you. You were sure that you looked like a mess, but you didn’t care. All that mattered to you was Aaron Hotchner’s eyes glued to your ass. “Get home safe,” he told you and you let yourself smile. Maybe it was a bad idea to start sleeping with a recent divorcee, but the sex was great and you both knew where you stood with the other person. No feelings, just fucking out your frustrations and stress.

Oh yeah, coming to this event was definitely a good call on your part.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me? starting a new fanfiction in the middle of my other one?? it's more likely than you think.
> 
> This is my first time attempting smut, so I hope you all like it! This chapter is just to show how we meet Hotch. The next chapter is when the full plot starts.


	2. Just One Yesterday

_Anything you say can and will be held against you_

_So only say my name_

_It will be held against you_

_-Fall Out Boy, “Just One Yesterday”_

**_Present Day- Two Years Later_ **

You tugged at the handcuff that was attaching you to the interrogation table, hoping that if you glared at it enough, it would just go away. One minute, you were at your apartment and getting ready to go out with some of your friends, and the next minute Metro D.C. police were banging on your door, ordering you to go with them, no charges and no explanation.

So now you were just stuck, sitting and waiting for somebody to tell you what the hell this all was about. Law school had taught you enough about interrogation tactics, and they were pulling out all of the stops- turning down the room temperature, forcing you to sit in the most uncomfortable chair you’ve ever been in, and just making you be by yourself in the metal room. A small part of you was nervous, but mostly you were just confused. You couldn’t think of anything you’ve done that would warrant your arrest.

Just as the isolation of the room was about to get to you, the door swung open and in walked two people. The first one was a petite blonde woman and following her was a younger looking man in a cardigan. You narrowed your eyes slightly at the sight of them. You had expected the usual “good cop/bad cop” technique, but neither of these cops looked very intimidating.

“Hi there,” the woman spoke, sliding into the chair across from you. “My name is Agent Jareau and this is Dr. Reid. We’re here to ask you a few questions.”

Her name sounded familiar, but you couldn’t quite place where you knew it from. You raised an eyebrow and jutted your head towards Dr. Reid. “Is the handsome one not an agent?” you asked, leaning back in your chair.

Dr. Reid seemed unphased by your question as if he got it all the time. “I am an agent. But I also have three doctorates,” he clarified.

You just smirked at him before looking back at Agent Jareau. She had placed a file on the table, the seal of the FBI practically staring you in the face. Whatever they brought you in for was an _FBI_ matter? Oh, you were definitely screwed. You tried to keep your cool. “So are you guys going to actually charge me with anything, or are you just going to hold me for 72 hours until you find something to stick?” you accused. 

Agent Jareau shook her head, and you were still desperately trying to remember how you knew that name. “The faster you cooperate, the faster we can let you go.” It didn’t go unnoticed to you that she refused to answer your question. She leaned over the table slightly to slide the file towards you and you caught a glimpse of her ID. Everything came back to you at once.

_Jennifer Jareau_ . FBI. Business cards. “ _You can set up a formal meeting with me at the BAU…”_ Holy shit, you did know that name.

You laughed softly to yourself and crossed your legs as the memories came flooding back. “Okay, I’ll cooperate,” you agreed, but you were looking directly at the two-way mirror. “But only if I can speak to your unit chief. It still is Aaron Hotchner, correct?” Your voice was innocent enough to not be too suspicious, but you knew it would drive Aaron crazy. It was the same voice you would use when he had a fist full of your hair and you were promising to be his good girl.

You could only imagine what was going on behind that two-way mirror; Aaron’s team looking at him with complete and utter confusion, trying to figure out how you knew him, all while Aaron was probably clenching his teeth, red with anger. Maybe if you made him mad enough, he would bend you over the interrogation table once everybody else had left.

Jennifer and Dr. Reid shared a quick glance before looking back at you. Dr. Reid spoke first. “It would be best if we could go over our questions with you first.”

You bopped your head, pretending to think it over. “I get it, the two of you have a job to do and you have a strategy to stay in control, so I’ll give you guys a choice. You can let me speak to Agent Hotchner or I lawyer up and invoke the 5th.”

Like clockwork, the door swung open violently and Aaron stormed in. “I’ll take it from here,” he ordered, and the other two agents quickly shuffled out of the room. 

He sat down in the seat across from you and you just raised the hand that was handcuffed to the table, wiggling your fingers. He was pissed, you could tell, and you loved every second of it. You leaned over the table, signaling for him to move closer to you. He hesitated, which earned him a roll of your eyes, but he eventually leaned over the table too.

“If you wanted me in handcuffs again for you, you didn’t have to go through all this effort. My phone number hasn’t changed,” you whispered, low enough so that the group watching on the other side of the mirror couldn’t hear. He refused to answer and instead just pulled back to his normal seated position. Ever the good agent, Aaron’s face went back to it’s normal, stoic look, and it made you pout. You wanted to get more of a rise out of him.

“Miss. Y/L/N,” he said cooly. “Why don’t we get started?” You realized with a sinking feeling that he was already starting to lose interest in you flirting, his attention focused back on the task at hand, attention that you selfishly wanted all to yourself. 

You slipped off the heels you were wearing and stretched your leg out so that your foot could brush against his leg. If you couldn’t touch him with your hands right now, you were going to make sure he could feel you in some way. His eyes shot up to yours, giving you a warning look, as if to say “Stop right now or I’m going to make you.”

You knew that look too well, craved for it even. You just responded with a smirk and dropped your foot, relishing in the fact that he actually looked slightly disappointed that you stopped.

“How are Haley and Jack doing, Aaron?” you asked lazily, leaning back in your chair. “Visiting them more often?”

Aaron cleared his throat and ran his hand down his tie to flatten it, unnecessarily of course. He was always so put together at work. “Jack is fine. Haley passed away a while ago,” he said quickly, and guilt immediately engulfed you. 

You lowered your gaze so that you were staring at the interrogation table. “Oh,” you mumbled. “I’m sorry.” And you really were sorry. Sure, your relationship, or lack of relationship, with Haley was weird. You were sleeping with her ex before the divorce papers had time to be fully submitted, and even though Aaron was well in his right to be with whoever he wanted, the two of you still found yourselves sneaking around with each other. But you never had anything against her personally- she seemed like a great mother and obviously made Aaron happy for however long they were married.

Besides, you could take a guess as to what happened to Haley. Your fling with Aaron lasted for a fun few months, neither of you ever expecting anything other than sex whenever you met up, so when you and Aaron had decided to stop seeing each other, it was completely amicable. He had explained that the BAU was closing in on a serial killer who was going after him and his family, and you did not want to be involved in that mess. The fact that Haley died right as a serial killer was chasing her… that definitely wasn’t just a coincidence.

The tension was thick in the room as the two of you desperately searched for how to continue the conversation. What were you supposed to say after finding out your fuck buddy’s ex-wife was murdered?

You started talking before your brain could even process what you were saying. “Well, like I always told you, if you ever need somebody to help you pick up those broken pieces...”

He ignored you, electing to direct the conversation in his own direction. “You know, I read that paper you were writing,” he said casually, and that sure caught you by surprise.

“You did?” you asked.

“You piqued my interest,” he admitted. “Your professor and I worked on a few cases together, so he gave me a copy. It was good, I was impressed. You are much more professional in writing.”

“I could say the same about you,” you countered, and he gave you a hint of a genuine smile.

“Although I did notice that you didn’t mention _The People vs. Michaelson_ anywhere in it.” There was something in his voice that put you on edge. You could feel yourself walking into his trap, but you couldn’t help yourself. You wanted to know more.

You shrugged. “Well, I got some shit information about the case.”

For a split second, you thought you saw a flash of the old Aaron, but just as quickly as it came, it disappeared, and he was business as usual. “What intrigued me even more, however,” he continued, completely ignoring your previous comment. “Was that you didn’t mention recidivism at all, which is what that case is all about. Your thesis was on jury selection. Why ask me about the case if you weren’t going to use the information for school?”

You glared at him and clenched your hands into fists, your nails digging into your palms. What a _dick_. He knew why you were interested in the case- it mirrored your father’s situation almost perfectly. You were 12 the first time your father was arrested. When your mom realized that your dad was involved with some shady people, she immediately turned him into the cops to protect you. The prosecutor barely even tried during the case and your dad was in and out of prison within two years. The day he was released, he came right back to your home and killed your mom out of revenge. He’s now rotting in a max security prison for life, but you were still angry that he even had the opportunity to come after your mom. It’s why you wanted to become a prosecutor in the first place, so that you could ensure these criminals were actually brought to justice.

Aaron knew all that. You realized as he began to inch the case file closer to you that he was just trying to knock you off balance. The actual interrogation hadn’t even started yet. “And you say that I’m the one who gets under people’s skin,” you snapped at him.

Aaron hummed to himself, arrogance oozing off of him. If you weren’t so angry at him, you would have thought it was hot. “You’re currently interning at DuPont and Associates?” You nodded, annoyed at him brushing off your last comment. “What do you know about the recent string of murders in the area?” Aaron asked.

Your eyebrows furrowed at his question. “Um… Just what they’re saying on the news? Somebody has been killing a bunch of people whose cases were dismissed because of technicalities- their Miranda rights were read incorrectly and that kind of stuff. I haven’t really been keeping up,” you admitted, still unsure of why you were there.

Aaron flipped open the case files, and instead of gruesome crime scene photos, you just saw legal briefs. More shocking, however, was that they were all legal briefs you had helped write. “Each of these victims had their initial cases through DuPont and Associates, and we found that you were the only person who assisted on every case. What did you think about those dismissals? Some of these people really should have been locked up, wouldn’t you agree?”

Your mouth opened and closed as you tried desperately to find the words to say. Unconsciously, you started to tug at the handcuff again, as if they would suddenly just release you if you fought it enough. “Maybe, but that’s not really my decision,” you said disdainfully. Then the fear and realization slowly crept into you. “Wait you don’t… you guys don’t think I did this, do you?” Your voice was rough and panicky. 

Aaron placed his hands on the cold metal of the interrogation table, his fingers interlocked. His FBI Unit Chief exterior melted away ever so slightly. “No, I don’t,” he said softly, and his use of “I” instead of “We” did not go unnoticed by you. You weren’t sure if you were comforted by that or not. “But you _are_ our best lead right now, and I think you know more than you realize. We have reason to believe that the unsub works for the law firm you’re interning at and is playing out a vigilante fantasy and considering you are the only one who actually worked on every single case, we need to use you and your position at the firm to get more intel.”

_We need to use you_. He realized his slip before he even finished his sentence. It was innocuous enough that his team probably didn’t even notice it; He was just letting a potential witness know that they were going to be an important part of the investigation. But you knew Aaron better than that, and you could see the wheels turning in his brain as he tried to figure out how to go back on what he just said.

You gave him a smirk and brought your elbows up on the table, steepling your fingers. Of course you were going to help them, whatever they needed. You’d do that even if Aaron wasn’t involved. But after being forcibly brought to the interrogation room, you figured you could make him sweat a little. “Oh Aaron, I’m flattered that you think I could be an asset to the BAU’s investigation. But if you want something from me, you’re going to have to ask for it.”

You got him right where you wanted him. You knew he wasn’t going to be happy with the role reversal, using his own words against him. But you missed the playful banter between you and Aaron, and nobody knew how to get you off the way he did. Aaron had quite literally ruined sex for you, much to your dismay. They all lacked the confidence and intelligence that Aaron brought to every meeting, and they could never walk that fine line of fucking you like they adored you and hated you at the same time.

The way that Aaron would demand you to ask and use your words was more than just a way for him to remain in control, although you knew that was definitely part of it. And it was more than just checking for consent- that always came earlier and you had your safeword. No, it was more than all of that. He wanted to hear you beg for the things you wanted, as if he wanted to be validated; He always wanted to know that you still wanted him, which you did. So you just kept asking him for things, and he happily kept giving them to you.

Aaron looked downright murderous, his eyebrows scrunched together and his breathing getting heavier. He stood up and slammed the case file shut. “I’m not going to ask for anything because where I’m standing, I have the control here. In case you forgot, you’re in handcuffs and I can walk out of here whenever I want.” But even as he said it, he stayed exactly where he was, his hands on the table and leaning down so that he was closer to you.

In return, you just arched your eyebrow at him, waiting for his question. He had to ask you for the sake of his job and the case and you both knew it, and you got a strange satisfaction from watching him have to ask you for something for once. He stared at you for a few moments, jaw clenching, until he realized the entire BAU team was behind the two-way mirror watching this situation go down. “Will you please help us with the case?” he asked through gritted teeth.

You gave him a smug smile, which only served to irritate him further. “I would love to,” you told him, your voice too sweet and too innocent. “Now can you please take my handcuffs off?”

Aaron walked towards you wordlessly, taking the keys out of his pockets. “You’ll still have to wait here for a few minutes so that you can sign some papers,” he told you, keeping his voice even, but it all changed as he kneeled next to you, slowly unlocking the handcuffs. His fingers lingered on your skin for far too long to be considered appropriate. “Don’t get too comfortable,” he whispered in your ear, voice low enough so that nobody could hear what he was saying. “You’re going to be in handcuffs for the rest of night while I punish you for that little show you decided to give everybody. Did you already forget how to not be a brat? Do I have to teach you again?”

His words made your arousal shoot straight to your core. You were released with a soft _click!_ and you rubbed your irritated wrist lightly. “Yes,” you practically moaned, and you were sure that your face was flushed. And just like that, it was as if only a few days had passed since you and Aaron had last seen each other, instead of two years. The two of you fell back into an easy rhythm. “I still live in the same apartment. Five minutes from here.”

With that, Aaron stormed out of the interrogation room, already barking orders at the cops. “Get her processed and out of here quickly, I don’t want to spend any more time on this,” he demanded, making a beeline to grab his stuff. Unfortunately for him, Rossi was standing right in front of Aaron’s bag, a knowing smirk on his face. Aaron stopped mid-step and groaned in annoyance. “Dave, don’t.”

Rossi just ignored him. “Old friend?” he asked, stepping aside just enough to let Aaron grab his bag.

Aaron looked around quickly and was relieved to see that there were no other BAU members near them. “You could say that,” Aaron mumbled and started to walk to the doors.

To his dismay, Rossi just followed him. “She’s pretty,” Rossi hummed, and Aaron hated how easily Rossi was able to keep this conversation so casual. “Not your usual type, though.” It didn’t take a profiler to get the underlying comment Rossi was trying to make: _She’s young._

Aaron took an audible breath, keeping his eyes on the exit sign that seemed to be getting further and further away. “Yeah, well…” His voice trailed off, unable to find a good response. 

“When did you meet her?”

Aaron paused, deciding how honest he was going to be. He figured that if anybody was going to find out, it would be Rossi, and if he was honest with Rossi now, they would be able to keep it a secret from the rest of the team. He cleared his throat. “An alumni event at George Washington. Before Foyet but after the divorce.” Another pause. “ _Right_ after the divorce,” he clarified.

Rossi just nodded understandably, a soft “Ah” coming from his lips. He would push the full story out of Aaron later, but it was obvious that Aaron was just desperate to get out of the police station. “Okay, well... I will let the team know about your emergency meeting with Strauss that she just called, which is why you’re leaving so quickly. And if they ask, from what you’re telling me, Y/N is just one of Sean’s old friends from before he dropped out of law school. I’m pretty sure you never got along with his friends, am I correct?” Sometimes, Rossi was too good at thinking on his feet.

Aaron turned to face Rossi, his mouth open and ready to argue, but he knew there was no point. With Rossi’s lie, it would keep the team from asking too many questions, at least until Aaron got his need for you out of his system. _Just one night_ , he promised himself. _That’s all I’ll need._ So instead of arguing, Hotch just nodded at Rossi, a hint of a smile on his face. It made it all worth it, in Rossi’s eyes. Aaron hadn’t been this excited about a girl since Haley’s death. He deserved a night of fun. “Thank you,” Aaron breathed before swiftly stepping out of the police station.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Character background! Teasing! Hotch and Rossi being BFFs! The next chapter is going to be pure filth, so I hope you all are ready for that!


	3. Temporary Fix

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello y'all, this is FILTHY, just be warned. It's all smut. If you're not into rough sex, degradation, etc, this is not the chapter for you. For those of you who are into that- enjoy!!

_ I'll be your temporary fix _

_ You can call me _

_ I'm always what you like _

_ Let me be your good night _

_ \- One Direction, “Temporary Fix” _

  
  


They couldn’t get you out of the police station fast enough. You mindlessly rubbed your wrist where the handcuffs had previously been attached, only half listening as another agent- Prentiss, you think was her name- came into the room to explain that you would need to report to the BAU tomorrow so they could brief you, or something like that. Your mind was too busy wandering, fantasizing about all the things Aaron would do to you.

“One of the uniformed officers will drive you home,” Prentiss finally said, and you jumped out of the seat embarrassingly fast.

What should have only been a five minute drive felt like hours, and your eyes were glued to your phone, hoping for a text or something,  _ anything _ , from Aaron. With the exception of a few texts from your friends asking where you were, there was nothing. Part of you wondered if Aaron was just going to bail. Maybe he got to his car and decided that he wanted nothing to do with you now that he was healed after his divorce. Maybe he just had a moment of weakness in the interrogation room and once you were out of his sight, he came to his senses. 

You got back to your apartment right as you were about to go into a full blown rejection panic. The cop asked you something, but you just ignored him as you slid out of the car, already planning on popping open that 4 dollar Trader Joe’s wine you had in your fridge. That is, until you saw Aaron sitting on the bench outside of your apartment, rubbing his thumb over his fingertips. You told yourself that the joy that flooded you when you saw him was just you excited at the prospect of getting fucked.

Aaron looked up at you as soon as he heard the click of your heels on the pavement. You just smirked at him as you took your keys out of your purse. “Wow, you really couldn’t wait, could you?” you told him, forcing yourself to not spare him more than a passing glance.

As soon as you got to the door, Aaron was immediately behind you, his hands exploring your body and his lips attaching themselves to your neck. You fought to keep your focus on unlocking your front door, but your hands were shaking as you attempted to get your key in the lock. Aaron brought his hand under your shirt and let his fingertips drag over your bra, smirking as you let out a gasp. “What?” he whispered into your ear, and his lips brushing the skin of your ear sent shivers down your body. “No more smart ass comments? Does being around me make you stupid? Stupid and desperate is what you are.”

It took way too long, but you finally got the door unlocked and swung open. Before you could even make a move, Aaron had you inside and pressed up against the wall, caging you in with his hands. He took a moment to take you in, his hungry eyes running up and down your body, thinking of all the ways he was going to punish and pleasure you. “You must be really proud of that little stunt you pulled in the interrogation room,” he hissed into your ear. “You were so mouthy to my team and to me. Did you think you’d be able to get away with it without being punished?”

He watched your chest rise and fall as you took in uneven breaths. “No… no sir,” you panted, and Aaron just let out a condescending laugh. It was almost pathetic how quickly you submitted to Aaron- he hadn’t even kissed you yet for fuck’s sake- but he always knew the exact buttons he needed to push to make you putty in his hands.

Without warning, Aaron crashed his lips onto yours roughly, not even giving you a chance to catch your breath. Your hands immediately pushed off his blazer and tossed it off to the side. One of his hands stayed on the wall next to your head, but the other arm found its way around you and pulled your hips towards his. Your back arched as he deepened this kiss, his teeth tugging on the skin of your lips. The hand that was around your waist slowly moved across your body until it reached the button of your jeans, popping it open and letting his fingertips ghost across the waistband of your panties.

“Please…” you choked out, unable to form a full sentence.

A cheshire cat smile erupted across Aaron’s face as his other hand moved to the back of your head. “You lost all your nerve now, didn’t you? Use your words. Ask me for it.  _ Beg me _ for it.” He punctuated his last order with a sharp tug of your hair, causing you to cry out. Aaron’s lips eagerly attached themselves to your neck.

“God, fuck, please touch me, please…” you whined, squeezing your thighs together to try and offer some release. Aaron shoved your legs apart with his feet and slipped his fingers into your panties, going straight to your clit. You moaned out his name, thankful he didn’t spend more time teasing you the way he usually did. You could feel his arousal pressed against you. Despite his collected exterior, it was comforting to know that Aaron craved this as much as you did.

“You’re so wet, all for me,” Aaron mumbled against your neck. “Which means you must still be  _ my _ filthy slut. Or maybe it’s because nobody else can get you off. They were probably all too nice to you, telling you that you were a good girl.”

You gasped, nodding desperately. Aaron’s fingers worked faster on your clit and you could feel your legs start to give out. You were about to cum embarrassingly fast, and you couldn’t even be bothered to care. All the while, Aaron was still whispering to you. “But you don't get off on people being nice to you, do you? You want me to be mean to you, like the whore you are.”

The only words that could come out of your mouth was some combination of “Aaron” and “please”. You were writhing and desperate for him, a fact that only seemed to encourage him. You clutched onto his shoulders as he slipped two fingers into you, lazily pumping them in and out. 

“Please, Aaron,” you moaned out, your nails digging into his shirt. “I’m so close, I’m gonna-”

He pulled his hand away from you, stopping your impending orgasm in its tracks.

“No!” you cried out, your breathing shallow. “What the fuck was that?”

Aaron pulled off his tie, ignoring your pleas for him to keep touching you. “Strip for me,” he ordered, and you did as he asked quickly, tossing your clothes to the side. As soon as you were fully naked, he flipped you around so that your back was to him, your arms pinned to your back and your chest pressed against the wall. You could hear the sound of metal behind you and you just smirked.

The cool metal of his handcuffs clicked around your wrists. “Do you think the police officer who had me in this position just a few hours ago was just as turned on as you are right now?” you mused, keeping your voice as light as possible. If he was going to deny you your orgasm, you were going to take the time to piss him off.

Once the cuffs were on, Aaron flipped you back around, pressing you against the wall with his hand around your throat, squeezing lightly. “Oh, so you want to be a mouthy brat, huh?” he hissed. You grinned, which only made him angrier and he tightened his grip on your throat. Aaron held you there for a few seconds, watching you as you gasped for breath. Once he was satisfied, he let go of you. “Get on your knees. I’ll show you what your mouth is good for.”

“Yes sir,” you whispered. Without ever breaking eye contact, you slowly lowered yourself to the ground. He made quick work of his own clothes, and you couldn’t help but bite your lip at the sight of him naked. You hadn’t realized how much you missed that view. His hand gripped your hair roughly, pulling it so that you were looking up at him.

“Do you remember our safe words?” he asked. His movements were harsh, but his words betrayed a sense of softness.

You nodded quickly but corrected yourself before he could punish you. “Yes sir,” you breathed, but he just looked at your expectantly. “Yellow to slow, red to stop.”

Aaron hummed approvingly, but his eyes glinted wickedly. “And if you can’t speak?”

You took a shaky breath, the unspoken promise of what he was suggesting sending shivers down your spine. “Two taps.”

Aaron smirked and grabbed onto your jaw, forcing your mouth open. “Good girl. Now I’m going to fuck that pretty little mouth of yours.”

It wasn’t easy with your hands behind your back, but you slowly licked his length from base to tip before wrapping your lips around him, never once breaking eye contact. You swirled your tongue around his tip, savoring the taste of him.

Aaron let out a low, guttural moan as he gripped your hair tightly. “Fuck, I almost forgot how good you are at that.” He pushed your head down a little further, forcing you to take more of him in, and you were happy to oblige. 

Aaron immediately started at a brutal pace, thrusting into your mouth with no warning. Tears pricked at your eyes as you began to gag slightly, but that only seemed to encourage him more. Your wrists burned as you tugged at the handcuffs, desperate to be able to touch him. You could feel your spit running down your chin, and you wondered briefly what Aaron thought when he saw you like this- bound, crying, and gagging on his cock. The thought made your pussy throb.

“You’re so pretty,” Aaron groaned out, his thrusts becoming erratic. “My pretty little cock slut, so desperate to please.”

His words ripped a moan from your mouth. He pumped into you a few more times before pulling you off of him, making you whimper. There was a trail of spit going from your mouth to the tip of his dick. You tried to move towards him, wanting to take him into your mouth again, but his hand in your hair kept you in place.

“Oh, did you want me to cum in your mouth?” he mocked.

You wanted to sob because of how badly you wanted him. You wanted to do nothing more than to please him and have him reward you for it. “Yes, fuck. I wanted to swallow your load please, sir.”

You had hoped your begging would be enough, and for a second, you thought it worked. Your mouth was open and ready for him, giving him the most innocent look you could muster. But instead of finishing himself off, he leaned down and spit in your mouth. You kept your eyes on him as you swallowed, the way you knew he liked. 

“Filthy bitch,” he murmured, but there was a hint of adoration in his voice.

He pulled you up so that you were standing. “Needy brats don’t get what they want, they get what they deserve. Now I want you to go to the bedroom and wait like a good girl for me. And don’t you dare think about finding a way to get yourself off or I swear to god, you won’t cum for a week. Got it?”

Your breath hitched in your throat. “Yes, sir. Whatever you want.” He gave your ass a quick slap as you made your way towards your bedroom on shaking legs. Once you got there, you sat nicely on the edge of your bed, not daring to make a move. You wanted nothing more than for him to fuck you, but you knew him better than that. Your punishment wasn’t over yet.

It couldn’t have been more than three minutes since you had been left alone, but already the need was taking over you. You rubbed your thigh together, hoping that the friction would relieve some of the tension you were feeling. You looked at the clock on your nightstand- five minutes had passed. You were starting to get restless as you stared at the door, waiting for Aaron to come in. 

You realized quickly that this was his plan all along- handcuff you and leave you exposed and alone in an empty room. It was the interrogation all over again, except this time he could treat you exactly the way he wanted to. The thought made you wetter than you would have liked to admit. 

You wanted to be good for him, you  _ really _ did, but the anticipation was getting to be too much. Against your better judgment, you ground down on the bedsheets, hoping to relieve some of the pressure that was building up. But as fate would have it, Aaron came walking in at that exact moment, his tie clenched in his hands.

There was anger in his eyes, but there was also a flash of pride, like his plan had worked exactly the way he wanted it to. Knowing Aaron Hotchner, it probably did. “Looks like you’re such a needy slut that you couldn’t even wait for me,” he said, his voice dangerously calm.

You tugged slightly on your handcuffs. “I’m sorry sir,” you begged, eyeing the tie in his hand. “I just needed to be touched so badly, please.”

His eyes raked up and down your body, a thin sheen of sweat covering your body. He stepped closer to you and softly brushed the back of his hand across your cheek, giving you a false sense of security. Maybe he missed fucking you so much that he didn’t want to waste time punishing you. Although, you were never that lucky. 

Aaron grabbed you by the back of the neck and threw you so that you were bent over the edge of your bed. “I’m getting tired of hearing your voice,” he practically taunted. “You wanted to be a brat and invoke the 5th, all just to get my attention? Well now you have my attention, and now I don’t want to hear another fucking word from you.”

The realization hit you half a second before Aaron forced your mouth open. He placed the tie in your mouth and tied it around your head so that you were effectively gagged. You let out little whimpers, but that was all you were able to get out.

Aaron used his foot to spread your legs apart before thrusting into you, not giving you a chance to get used to the feeling. A muffled moan escaped your throat, which seemed to amuse Aaron. “Fuck, you’re so tight,” he grunted, his hands pressing your shoulders into the bed. “So tight and so willing for me. Taking my cock so good.”

One of his hands wrapped around the front of your throat, pulling you up and off the sheets. His other hand went straight to your clit. You let out a tiny gasp through your gag. Your whole body felt on fire, as Aaron thrusted into you so roughly that you thought you were going to be split in half. And you loved every second of it.

He continued to pound into you as you gasped for breath. All you could think and feel was Aaron, Aaron,  _ Aaron _ . The mixture of pain and pleasure was almost euphoric, and you could feel your orgasm creeping up on you. 

Aaron could feel it, too, based on the way your pussy clenched around him. This only encouraged him to quicken his pace, his cock hitting you in all the right spots. “I’m going to fill you with my cum and remind you who this pussy belongs to,” he groaned, his hips starting to sputter erratically.

His fingers on your clit moved faster, staying right where you needed him, and you cried out through your makeshift gag. Aaron finally decided to take mercy on you as he bent forward to whisper in your ear. “Be my good little cock whore and  _ cum _ .”

That was all you needed. Your whole body shook as your orgasm hit you, and you cried out his name the best you could. Tears fell down your face freely as he fucked you through your orgasm, your walls clenching around him.

Not much longer later, Aaron came, too, his grip on you loosening. You fell face first onto the bed, relishing in the feeling of him spilling into you, his cock twitching. When he pulled out, he pulled out slowly, savoring every moment he was in you. You stayed there, desperately trying to catch your breath while Aaron untied your gag. He threw the tie to the side, placing a soft kiss in between your shoulder blades.

“You did so good. My good girl,” he whispered softly into your ear as he turned you around so that you could sit on the edge of the bed. “I’m going to go grab the keys to the cuffs, alright?” He placed another kiss on your forehead before quickly shuffling out of the room.

Still coming down from your orgasm, Aaron was back in the room before you even fully realized he was gone. He quickly released your wrists, rubbing each of them softly to get the blood flow fully back. You had almost forgotten the best part of sex with Aaron- he was fucking great at aftercare.

You wanted to say something, but your brain was still trying to catch up with what was happening at the moment. Luckily for you, Aaron must have still known where everything in your room was, because, after a few seconds of shuffling around, he came back to the bed with lotion and pajamas. “Do you need a shower?” he asked, wiping away your smudged mascara the best he could.

You looked at him properly for the first time since your orgasm. “No, I’m okay,” you told him, thoroughly blissed out. A chuckle escaped your lips. “I just haven’t gotten fucked that good in… a while.”

Aaron smiled- a real smile that made your heart melt. “A while as in two years?” he teased, and you just shoved him lightly. He started to put the lotion on your sore wrists, but he never took his eyes off you.

You just laughed at his comment. Now that you were more grounded and you could actually think about what happened, there were a million things you wanted to ask him, but knew that now was not the time. Instead, you settled on keeping the conversation light. “I think I have an extra pair of guy’s sweatpants in one of my drawers if you were planning on staying the night.”

Okay, so not as light as you expected, but Aaron seemed to be intrigued at the offer. It wasn’t a new thing for the two of you at all. When you first started sleeping with each other, the two of you spent the night at each other’s places all the time. When he wanted to spoil you a bit more, Aaron used to book a nice hotel room for the two of you to stay holed up in for a weekend. You each kept extra clothes at each other’s places because it was more convenient than having to wake up an hour earlier. It wasn’t unusual.

But that was when the two of you had been an unspoken thing. This felt like new territory for the both of you. Luckily Aaron just nodded as he finished with your wrists. “Thank you,” he said. “First, let me help you put on your clothes.” You lifted your arms as he helped you get into an oversized shirt. Once that was on, you walked to your dresser and slipped on a pair of boyshorts before tossing Aaron the pair of sweatpants.

You slid into the bed and watched as he put on the sweatpants. They were just slightly too big, so they hung teasingly low on his hips. You loved seeing Aaron like this, calmer and more relaxed. It was like he could shed the “SSA Aaron Hotchner, Unit Chief” personality he had built up and finally breathe. He looked lighter and happier, like he could actually enjoy life. His eyes caught yours, and he just raised his eyebrows, a lazy smile gracing his face. 

“You know, staring is considered rude to most people,” he joked, climbing into bed.

You just shrugged, stifling a yawn. “You won’t let me take a picture, so my memory is the next best thing I have.” You curled up into the sheets, the heat slowly leaving your body.

Aaron must have noticed this because he wrapped one arm around you, watching as your eyes slowly closed. “Go to bed, Y/N,” he whispered, his thumb slowly stroking your skin. “We’ve got a long day tomorrow.”

You were about to make a dirty comment back until you realized what he meant. There was a murderer on the loose, and you apparently knew them. Not the best pillow talk. You shoved it out of your mind, already feeling yourself falling asleep. “Goodnight, Aaron,” you mumbled, your head resting on his chest.

He probably said goodnight, but you couldn’t hear. You just let the sounds of his soft breathing and the feeling of his chest rising up and down lure you to sleep.


	4. Voulez-Vous

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so SO much for all the love you're giving this story. You have no clue what that means to me!
> 
> Full disclosure, there are two POV switches in this chapter, which I don't personally love, but there was really no way around it without either making the chapter really short or cutting out important scenes. They should be pretty obvious though, so there shouldn't be much confusion.
> 
> Also, there is a lot more Haley Hotchner talk in this chapter than I expected, and a direct quote from her death, so just be prepared for that. Enjoy, my fine furry friends!!!

_ And here we go again, we know the start, we know the end _

_ Masters of the scene _

_ We've done it all before and now we're back to get some more _

_ You know what I mean _

_ -ABBA, “Voulez-Vous” _

  
  


You woke up the next morning to the smell of coffee wafting throughout your apartment. Still half asleep, you slowly blinked your eyes open and slid out of bed. You cursed to yourself as you stood up; your whole body was sore. A small grin grew on your face as you realized exactly why you were sore, the memories from last night coming back to you.

You walked out of your bedroom to your kitchen, where you were greeted with the gorgeous view of Aaron, hair wet and still in just the sweatpants he borrowed. Clothes from last night were scattered around the living room, untouched. “Mornin’,” you grumbled, rubbing the sleep from your eyes.

Aaron, on the other hand, looked wide awake. “Good morning. I hope you don’t mind, I took a shower and made some coffee,” he greeted.

“It’s fine, as long as you made enough for me,” you told him through a yawn, although it was unnecessary, considering you were almost positive that he prepared you some coffee already. Mornings after with Aaron weren’t exactly domestic, per se, but they were efficient and friendly. Both of you knew you had your lives to get to, and you were willing to help out the other one to make sure they succeeded. The routine worked, and you had grown to look forward to it.

Aaron just chuckled and pointed to your refrigerator. “Already done. You still take it iced with caramel syrup, right?”

If the fact that Aaron remembered your coffee preferences after so long made your heart skip a beat, you elected to ignore it. It’s not like it was a complicated order. Instead, you just sauntered towards the fridge, brushing past Aaron’s bare skin on your way over.

Aaron turned to look at you as you grabbed the drink out of the fridge. Now that you were more awake, you could actually take in Aaron in all of his morning-after glory. Even with it damp, his hair was fluffier and falling into his eyes, free from any styling product he usually used. His shoulders were relaxed and, you noticed with a smirk, broader than they were before.  _ So he had been working out _ ...

It wasn’t until you got to his bare torso that a soft gasp left your lips, your heart sinking to your stomach. There were nine, almost identical scars, all raised and seemingly staring right at you. You had been so distracted last night that you hadn’t noticed them, but now you weren’t sure how you  _ didn’t _ see them. They looked healed, but they weren’t faded much, and they  _ definitely _ weren’t there last time you saw Aaron.

“Aaron,” you whispered, unable to take your eyes off the thick white lines covering him. “What happened?” Almost as if you were in a trance, you reached out to him, wanting to run your fingers over the scars. 

Aaron moved to the side quickly so that he was out of your reach, his eyes hardening. He immediately went into defensive mode. “Nothing that you need to be concerned about,” he said firmly, signifying the end of the conversation.

Really, he should have known you well enough to know that you would keep pressing him. “Are you okay?” you continued, your voice barely louder than a whisper.

Aaron walked towards his discarded shirt from last night, putting it on quickly so that the scars could be out of sight. “These weren’t meant to kill me,” he said finally, sadness seeping into his words.

That’s what made you decide to drop the topic. If the scars weren’t meant to kill Aaron, then they were probably supposed to be a torturous reminder and based on his reaction, it was working. You also figured that it wasn’t just  _ any _ serial killer who gave those to him, and bringing up his dead ex-wife's murderer wasn’t part of the lighthearted banter the two of you had perfected.

Clearing your throat, you quickly shifted the topic to fill the silence that was hanging over the two of you. You lifted yourself so that you were sitting on the countertop. “So... what time should I be at the BAU?”

Aaron finished buttoning up his shirt and was now reaching for his slacks, his back still turned to you. But his shoulders looked like they relaxed, even a little bit. He was grateful at the subject change. “As soon as you can. We want to try and wrap up this case as quickly as possible.”

“Shit, I still have to shower and get ready. You should have woken me up when you woke up,” you mused, taking a sip of your coffee.

Now fully dressed in the suit he wore yesterday, Aaron turned back to face you, the corners of his lips quirking up in a smile. “I tried,” he explained, slowly letting down his defenses again. “It was hard to tell with the covers you pulled over your head, but I think you told me to go fuck myself or something?” His eyes twinkled with amusement as he made his way back towards you, placing his hands on the counter on either side of you and standing in the space between your legs.

You just shrugged, taking another sip of your drink. “What can I say? I was spent last night and needed my rest,” you told him, feigning innocence. 

If Aaron was trying to hide the pride in his eyes at your comment, he didn’t do a very good job at it. His eyes flickered back and forth between your eyes and your lips. “I should get going soon,” he mumbled, more to himself than to you. “I still need to stop by my house to get a change of clothes.”

You placed your coffee to the side of you so that your hands were free to cup the sides of his face. “Probably,” you agreed, but you were still leaning towards Aaron. “But you’re the boss. Who’s going to get you in trouble if you’re a few minutes late?”

Your forehead was pressed against his by now and your thumbs were stroking his cheeks. You could see the desire in Aaron’s eyes, which you were sure was reflected in your own eyes, but instead of taking you right there on the counter like you were hoping he would, Aaron simply pressed his lips to yours, just long enough to leave you desperate for more.

“As tempting as the offer is,” he murmured, his lips still brushing yours. “I really do need to get to work to prepare for our meeting today. And... I’ll need the time to field all the questions I’m sure Dave will have for me about my sudden departure yesterday.” He added the last part as an afterthought as if he just remembered that the entire BAU was watching the interrogation from yesterday.

You pulled away from Aaron ever so slightly, raising an eyebrow. “They know you’re here?”

Aaron shook his head, much to your relief. You weren’t sure if you would be able to face his entire team if they were all aware you had been sleeping with their unit chief. “Just David,” he admitted. “And that’s only because he figured it out before I could even come up with an explanation. But he covered for me and told the rest of them you were just one of Sean’s old friends, so if any of them ask…”

His words trailed off, but you understood what he was implying. You raised your hands in faux surrender. “Got it, don’t need to tell me twice. And don’t worry, no more flirting in front of your coworkers. I will be the epitome of a professional law intern. I  _ can _ be a good girl when I want,” you teased, and you were rewarded as his eyes darkened. 

“The way you said that makes me think you can’t,” he told you, his voice low.

You laughed and leaned in to kiss him again. The kiss was slow and deliberate and you could feel his lips curling into a smile. Aaron’s hand reached up to cup the back of your head, pulling you in closer to him. There was an unusual softness to the kiss, and you were surprised to realize that you liked it. 

You pulled away reluctantly, looking directly into Aaron’s eyes. “You should go to work,” you reminded him. “I’ll be there in an hour or so.”

Aaron stepped away from you and made his way to the door, patting down his pockets to make sure he had everything. You slid off the kitchen counter, watching his every movement. Aaron hesitated as he reached for the doorknob and instead of just walking right out, he turned around to look at you. “When you said yesterday ‘If you ever need somebody to help you pick up those broken pieces’... Did you mean it, or was that just to get a reaction out of me?”

His words were hesitant and vulnerable, which was so unlike him that it took you a second to respond. You realized slowly what he was insinuating:  _ He wanted to keep seeing you _ . The thought made you happier than you had expected, but that was something to unpack way later.

You kept your voice light in your reply, hoping to calm his nerves. “A little bit of both,” you joked, and Aaron gave you a small smile. “But to answer the inevitable next question, I also would like to see you again and continue this. At least, that’s what I’m assuming what you were going to ask, considering the number of times you said I was yours last night. ‘My cock whore’ is a new one.”

Aaron let out a breathy chuckle, nodding to himself. He didn’t say anything else, he didn’t have to. The two of you knew the rules of this relationship, and it was already coming back like it was second nature. So instead, Aaron just opened the door, leaving you with an “I’ll see you at the BAU.”

\-----------

Luckily for Aaron, his house was on the way to the FBI headquarters, so he was able to change clothes and be in his office in only 30 minutes. He wasn’t there as early as he usually was, but it was still early enough as to not raise any suspicion, and nobody questioned it when he made a beeline to his office, giving general greetings to the people he passed. 

When he sat down at his desk, Aaron really did have every intention to do the paperwork that was slowly piling up and consuming his entire office, but his mind was wandering too much to focus on bureaucratic red tape. Flashes of the night before sped through his mind.

He remembered the way Y/N begged for him to touch her and how good his name sounded coming from her lips. He remembered her face as she was pressed against the wall and the almost animalistic smile she had given him when he had his hand wrapped around her throat. He thought about how beautiful she looked as she was coming down from her orgasm, mascara tears running down her face, hair tangled and sticking in every direction, her chest rising and falling as she tried to catch her breath, and the adoration in her eyes as he muttered praises to her. 

Aaron hadn’t planned on asking to continue the situation he had with her. Last night was supposed to be the only time, considering the amount of baggage that came with that relationship for Aaron. He and Haley had technically been divorced when he first met Y/N, but it was just barely and it just toed the line of being a full-blown affair. Going back to Y/N now could potentially complicate everything and bring up feelings about Haley that he had buried. But Aaron couldn’t deny that being with Y/N was a welcome distraction. There was no pressure to be “on” all the time. He didn’t feel the weight of the world on his shoulders. He felt more at peace than he had in a long time.

_ “He needs to know you weren’t always so serious…” _

A knocking on his office door shook Aaron out of his thoughts. His head shot up to see Rossi, who was leaning against the door frame with a knowing look in his eyes. “You know,” Rossi started before Aaron could even get a word out. He walked into the office and made sure to close the door behind him. “Pretending to do work is more effective when you actually have a file in front of you.”

Aaron audibly exhaled, gesturing for Rossi to take a seat, although it was just a formality; Rossi was going to talk to Aaron about the situation whether or not Aaron wanted to. Rossi leaned back in the chair and quirked up his eyebrows. “How was your night?” he asked, holding back his amused laughter.

“It was fine,” Aaron said in his monotone voice, but it was no use. Rossi just stared Aaron down, patiently waiting for Aaron to elaborate. 

“Are you going to see her again?” Rossi pressed, and this time it was hard for Aaron to hide his smile.

Instead, Aaron just side-eyed Rossi for a quiet moment. “I am,” he said finally before reaching for one of the files. He really  _ did _ have to start on that paperwork, and maybe it would send Rossi a hint.

It did not. Rossi nodded approvingly at Aaron’s declaration of seeing this woman again and placed one of his hands on Aaron’s desk. “I’m glad. I think dating will be good for you. Getting back out there is healthy, Aaron.”

Aaron went completely still, thinking of the best way to respond to Rossi. “We are… not exactly dating,” he said slowly, ignoring the shock that flashed past Rossi’s face. For as close as Rossi and Aaron were, their sex lives didn’t come up in conversation much, and Aaron certainly didn’t have the reputation Rossi did. “And I would appreciate it if this stayed between us, at least until after the case. I know how quickly gossip spreads in this office, and I shudder to think what will happen once Garcia gets this information.”

Rossi chuckled and made a zipping motion over his mouth. “My lips are sealed. I am happy for you, though. Maybe she will finally be the thing to get you out of the office on time finally.” Rossi laughed to himself, like he had a secret. “Even if you’ll still be up all night. At least you’ll be destressing.”

A knock on the office door spared Aaron from having to hear any more jokes from Rossi at his expense. “Thank you for that pep talk,” he said sarcastically to Rossi before calling out “Come in!” and putting his Unit Chief persona back on.

Emily opened the door, blissfully unaware of the conversation that was happening between the two men just seconds earlier. “Sir, Y/N is here.”

Aaron cleared his throat, ignoring Rossi’s eyes burning a hole into the side of his head. “Good. We will meet in the round table room, go ahead and brief her. Dave and I will be there in a few moments. Thank you, Prentiss.” Emily nodded and left the room just as quickly as she came in.

Rossi tapped on Aaron’s desk as he stood up. “That’s our cue, but mark my words, Aaron. I  _ will _ learn all about this mystery girl from you, even if I have to lock you in the interrogation room to do it.”

Aaron laughed ever so slightly at that and just nodded. “I will fill you in before it gets to that,” he promised and was surprised to realize that he meant it. Somehow over the years, Rossi had become his closest confidant, and it was comforting to know that Rossi was encouraging of this new relationship, as unconventional as it was. “But right now we have a case to focus on.”

\-----------

You knew that the FBI headquarters was going to have high security, but three checkpoints seemed a little excessive to you. Nevertheless, you clipped the shiny visitor’s badge onto the waistband of your pants and waited for the elevator to take you to the correct floor.

It was weird to be going to the BAU, even if it was just for a case. It felt like you were encroaching on Aaron’s personal and professional life, something you never intended to do. You were happy being blissfully ignorant about Aaron’s coworkers. You knew a few of your names and that was all you ever needed to know. Being at the BAU was mixing up the carefully compartmentalized lives Aaron and you had built.

The elevator doors opened and you cautiously stepped out, trying to find your way around. You really should have paid more attention to Agent Prentiss when she was giving you instructions. Luckily, you were in a building full of profilers and one of them noticed your inevitable look of confusion.

“Are you Y/N Y/L/N?” they asked, and you nodded quickly. “I’m Agent Derek Morgan. You can follow me, I’m one of the agents on the case.”

You followed Derek through the glass doors and to one of the desks in the bullpen. He said something to another agent-  _ Prentiss _ , you remembered- before gesturing for you to sit down. “Would you like coffee or water?” Derek offered offhandedly, but his eyes were scanning you up and down, obviously trying to profile you. 

Following on your promise to be professional, you had put on a nice pair of grey plaid slacks and a satin button up blouse- an outfit you had worn to your internship and to court a million times. But Derek’s gaze seemed more than just surface level profiling. It felt like he distrusted you. And then it hit you. He was probably watching you in the interrogation room yesterday, as you shamelessly flirted with Aaron. Everyone you were about to meet probably saw it, and they were all going to try and figure you out.

It had seemed funny in the moment when you didn’t think you would ever have to see these people again, but now? Not so much.

You idly considered taking Derek up on his offer, just to keep him from profiling you any longer, but that would just give him the opportunity to share his findings with the rest of the office. It was easier to keep him close. “No thank you,” you said finally, giving Derek a polite smile. Despite what they had seen yesterday, you were  _ excellent _ at networking, and you knew how to charm a room. Getting these profilers to like you wouldn’t be too hard.

Derek studied you a little closer, but your eye contact was unwavering. “How do you know Hotch?” he asked.

Thank God Aaron had warned you about this. “I was friends with his brother, Sean,” you lied coolly. “I met Aaron through him and he was nice enough to let me interview him when my studies revolved around an old prosecuting case of Aaron’s.”

Derek looked like he wanted to ask you more questions, but you were saved by Jennifer gathering the team and you to meet in a conference room.

Despite the fact that you had met a good portion of them yesterday while being interrogated, everybody reintroduced themselves to you, albeit much friendlier. Now that you weren’t in handcuffs, the team warmed up to you quickly.

You also chose to formally introduce yourself to the team, considering that you were still probably just a file in their minds. “And I apologize for making your jobs more difficult yesterday,” you added onto the end, only half joking. 

JJ- which Jennifer insisted you call her- gave you a comforting smile as she walked to the front of the room. “We understand. Interrogation rooms are designed to get those sorts of reactions.”

You were about to reply when the sound of footsteps caused you all to turn your heads towards the door. “Good, you started,” Aaron interrupted, making his way to the front of the room. “Y/N, glad you could make it.” 

You just greeted him with a polite nod, before turning your focus to David Rossi, who was introducing himself to you. He had a good enough poker face, but you caught a mischievous glint in his eyes. At first, you were confused, but then you remembered that he knew Aaron came over to your place last night. Maybe he knew even more, which was an uncomfortable enough thought. You didn’t have time to focus on that at the moment.

You stood up to shake Rossi’s hand. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, really,” you said simply, your voice light and polite. You had been around the DC law scene long enough that you knew exactly how to get people to like you. “I’ve written about you and your books for my classes.”

Rossi tilted his head to the side slightly. “I didn’t realize my books translated to law courses,” he questioned, sliding into the seat next to you. You took that as your cue to sit back down.

Out of the corner of your eyes, you saw Aaron watching the interaction carefully, causing anxiety to bubble up in your stomach. He had never seen you in a work or academic setting, with the exception of that first meeting, but that hardly counted. He had read some of your academic work, would help you with the occasional homework assignment, and even let you practice your mock trials runs with him while he gave you pointers, but he had never seen you truly in action. The thought unsettled you.

“I’m in a joint degree program,” you explained proudly. You had to make an appeal to the school to allow you to do this joint degree, and you’ve busted your ass ever since. “On top of my JD, I’m getting my masters in Forensic Psychology. I’ve studied your past cases and examined the ethical implications involving your interrogation techniques, specifically when working with offenders with severe mental health issues.”

You regretted the words as soon as you said them. To anybody else, it would have been impressive. Even some of the other profilers were intrigued by the concept, but saying it directly to David Rossi was a whole different ballpark. To his credit, he just chuckled good naturedly, seemingly completely unbothered by your comments. “I can only imagine what they’re saying,” he joked. “Interrogations are very different now than they were back when I started in the FBI.”

“Rossi,” Aaron interjected, and that word was a simple warning. He was obviously trying to stop the conversation quickly. Tension hung in the air briefly as Aaron, Rossi, and you all remembered the unspoken secret the three of you were sharing. “Let’s get started, shall we?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, I know this chapter ended awkwardly, but I promise there's a method to my madness. Also, please note that I love David Rossi with my whole heart and him being mean to unsubs is my favorite part of Criminal Minds, so take the reader's opinions on his interrogation techniques with a grain of salt


	5. You Oughta Know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for all the love you've been showing this story! It absolutely warms my heart!!!
> 
> In this chapter, we're going to explore more of what the reader and Aaron's relationship was like pre-Foyet. While nobody actually cheats on anybody, there are minor, underlying themes of adultery in this story. If you are uncomfortable with that, please be aware and proceed with caution :)

_ 'Cause the love that you gave that we made _

_ Wasn't able to make it enough for you _

_ To be open wide, no _

_ -Alanis Morissette, “You Oughta Know” _

The plan was simple enough. They had a warrant to bug the office, but lawyers are naturally suspicious, so they needed somebody who already had a rapport with partners to place the bugs. That’s where you came in. They were going to give you pens and other random office supplies with covert listening devices in them, and you just needed to leave them around. You were also going to wear an earpiece so that they could talk you through it every step of the way. Easy enough.

Aaron stood at the front of the room, his hands resting on his hips and his face stone cold. You had seen Aaron on television a few times when he had to speak to the media, but that was the extent of your knowledge of his FBI persona. You had never given much thought to his work life, and the only times he even talked about it was in passing. Watching him completely command the attention of the room was really a sight to behold. Suddenly, you understood all of Aaron’s career changes and his unbridled ambition- he was made to be FBI Director.

You nodded slowly as you listened to their plans, trying to ignore the side of your brain that was screaming danger. You looked over at Aaron, hoping that he would understand your unspoken question and would give you an honest answer. When he met your eyes, he gave you a subtle nod, as if to say  _ You’ll be fine, we’ll be right there with you. _ That was the only confirmation you really needed. Aaron looked so confident that it was almost infectious. Besides, a dead civilian wouldn’t look very good on Aaron’s FBI record, so you had to believe that it really was going to be that simple.

You took a deep breath. “Okay, I can do all that. I’m scheduled to go in this afternoon,” you told the room, avoiding everybody else’s eyes on you. You could tell that some of them weren’t totally sold on the idea yet. 

“Good, that gives us just enough time to get everything set up. I want you all to go over the office blueprints with Y/N and set up a concrete plan. I don’t want anything left up to chance. While you do that, I will head down to intelligence with Garcia so that we can grab the coverts and prepare them,” Aaron said firmly, and you found yourself nodding along as if you were a member of his team.

The way he gave orders was almost hypnotic because it was so different from the way he gave orders during sex. When he was with you, there was always a hint of affection and reverence in every word he said. Here and talking to his coworkers, it was almost paternal, like he was assigning weekly chores. You were getting a more full picture of who Aaron Hotchner was, and it was exciting, if not a little overwhelming.

You were torn from your thoughts at the sound of ruffling papers as Reid spread out the floor plans to the office across the table. The next hour and a half was spent going back and forth with the group of profilers to see what the best course of action was. You let them take the lead considering you had zero experience in this particular field, but you were pleasantly surprised when they asked for your opinions, asking you whether or not anybody ever went in certain areas in the building. Working with them was easy, even with David Rossi clearly psychoanalyzing every move you made, probably trying to figure out how the hell you and Aaron fit together.

After figuring out the best excuses to get in each of the partner’s offices, the team had decided that you were prepped and ready. “You’re welcome to grab some lunch in the cafeteria on the second floor,” Reid told you as the rest of the team was slowly filing out of the conference room. “But the food’s not great, to be honest. The only people who ever really eat there are tourists and kids on field trips.”

You raised an eyebrow at him as you shouldered your purse. “With all that security, the FBI has tour guides?” you asked amusedly.

Reid nodded eagerly as he finished folding up the blueprints. “The FBI has actually had a tour component since 1937, even before it settled here in the Hoover building. After 9/11, they stopped the tours and closed the building to the public and didn’t reopen until 2008 when the FBI made the Education Center. It closed and was redesigned multiple times since then, and now it’s known as the FBI Experience. You have to contact your congressman to request a tour at least four weeks in advance so that the FBI can do a background check,” he said quickly, his hands doing half of the talking for him.

You laughed as the two of you made your way to the door. Aaron had mentioned something about the genius Dr. Reid in passing, and he was just as amusing and endearing as Aaron said he was. “That sounds like a lot of work. If that’s the case, then I might have better luck just asking one of you to give me a tour after this whole thing is done. You sound like you know more than the tour guides anyway.”

Reid stood up a little taller at the compliment, but your focus was immediately drawn to Aaron’s office. Specifically, Aaron, in his office, alone, with the blinds shut and the door wide open. You had promised to be on your best behavior, but the temptation was almost too much. You wanted to see more of  _ Hotch, the FBI agent _ . “Excuse me for a second, Doctor,” you mumbled, flashing him an innocent smile.

Spencer gave you a small wave as you walked off, headed straight for Aaron’s office, your heels clicking rhythmically on the floor. As if sensing your presence, Aaron’s head shot up the second you stepped into his office, his face void of all emotions. You shut the door slowly behind you, having to hide your smile when you saw him shift in his seat nervously. “Y/N, this isn’t the place-”

You held both of your hands up as you made your way towards his desk. “Don’t worry, Agent. I didn’t come here with the intention to seduce you in front of all your coworkers,” you promised. “Although that can always be arranged.”

You were rewarded with a small grin from Aaron and something that was close to laughter, although it just sounded more like an exhale. “How can I help you?” he asked, unable to mask the lightheartedness in his words.

You sat on the edge of his desk. “Well, I’m going to be rubbing shoulders with a potential serial killer for the rest of the day. Don’t I get a kiss for good luck? Doesn’t even have to be a kiss on the mouth,” you teased. Aaron tensed up. That was the wrong thing to say, apparently. Maybe he remembered that he was at work, and there was no room for playfulness in the FBI. Or maybe he realized that you would be the second woman he’s been with that he’s sending into a dangerous situation.

This was all new territory for the two of you. Previously, there were so many unspoken rules for the relationship, and that’s what made it work. It kept everything easy and fun and none of you had to sift through any baggage.

He didn’t talk about cases he was on and you didn’t mention Jack or Haley- not that you would even want to. He would order dinner for the two of you, but it couldn’t be from  _ their _ Chinese place or  _ their _ pizza place or, God forbid,  _ their _ Italian place  _ they _ went to for anniversaries- you preferred Indian anyways. Every once in awhile, you’d meet up in hotels that were way too nice and expensive for a fling, but it was always somewhere out of the city, like Baltimore or Fredericksburg, because between the two of you,  _ somebody _ in DC was bound to recognize one of you.

But there you were, sitting on his desk in the middle of the FBI headquarters, completely thrown off your game. Part of you wondered why he had wanted to continue this thing with you. It wasn’t some midlife crisis- he was too composed for that- and it wasn’t to help heal heartbreak the way it was two years ago. You weren’t complaining about it, though. There was something addictive about Aaron, something that made you think about him even when you hadn’t seen or heard from him in months, and a nagging voice in the back of your head told you that he probably thought the same thing about you. At least, you hoped he did.

You were so entranced in your thoughts that you didn’t even realize he was talking to you. You refocused your eyes and snapped your head back in his direction, where he was looking at you with worry in his eyes. “Hm?” you questioned.

Aaron’s eyes narrowed, like he was trying to read your mind. “I asked if you were sure that you’re ready for this? You all came up with a plan faster than I expected.” 

You put on a practiced smile as you slid off his desk, careful not to rustle any of the precariously stacked files next to you. “What can I say, I’m a fast learner. Plus, I went through a major James Bond phase in 7th grade, so this is like a dream come true for me,” you joked, and that seemed to satisfy him.

His face softened, and you once again found yourself fascinated by how much younger he looked when he let himself relax for even half a second. “It’s going to be fine, and I’m going to be talking to you through the earpiece the whole time,” he said. It surprised you just how comforting that single sentiment was, but something about Aaron walking you through the whole process made it less daunting.

Casual flirting with him had worked at the beginning of the conversation, so you decided to try that again. “It’ll be like you’re whispering in my ear all day,” you mused, batting your eyelashes. “That’s kind of sexy, in an exhibitionist kind of way.”

Aaron chuckled and shook his head fondly. “Behave,” he told you firmly, but there was the slightest hint of playfulness. 

You made your way towards his office door, throwing a wink his way as you did. “No promises,” you sing-songed. “But I’ll do my best.”

After grabbing something to eat at the cafeteria- Reid was right, the food  _ was _ terrible- it was time for you to head to the weirdest internship shift you’ve ever had. Most of the team would be in an undercover van outside of the building so that they could listen to everything. You were able to get a ride from Morgan in one of the FBI SUVs, which would drop you off a few blocks away so it didn’t look suspicious. The two of you made some small talk on the way, asking about school and life at the FBI, all very surface level stuff, but nice nonetheless. It helped calm your nerves. 

After a while, he pulled over and handed you a bag from the backseat. It was a simple black satchel, not very different from the usual one you would bring to work. “Okay, here is everything you’ll need. You remember the plan, right?”

You nodded quickly as you put in the earpiece, trying to hide any signs of nervousness. “Yup,” you said, popping the ‘P’. “Honestly, this isn’t even the worst thing I’ve done while working.”

Derek chuckled, maybe despite himself. “Remember, we’ll be right outside of the building. Just treat it like a normal day.”

You didn’t think that was even going to be possible, but luckily, you were proven wrong the moment you stepped into the elevator.

“Woah, hold the door for me!”

You stuck your hand out quickly just before the elevator doors closed, and your friend Chris came barreling through. He was a third year when you were a first year at George Washington and the two of you met in your tax law class. You quickly became fast friends, and you met most of your law school friends through him. When he got hired as a staff attorney at the same firm you were interning at, you couldn’t have been more excited.

You clutched the satchel a little tighter, knowing full well that the entire BAU was about to hear this conversation. “Hey,” you said, your voice light.

Chris just raised an eyebrow at you. “ _ Hey? _ ” he asked incredulously. “That’s it? What the hell happened to you last night? We were all supposed to go out and you didn’t show up. No phone call, nothing. And then the only response we got from you was three hours later when you just said ‘Sorry, something came up, next time!’”

You sighed and reached over to press the button for the third floor. It was crazy to think that the interrogation had been less than 24 hours ago- it felt like a lifetime to you. Aaron’s voice came through the earpiece.  _ You can’t tell anybody about the investigation. Make an excuse and change the subject. _

“Sorry, mom,” you huffed, staring at the elevator doors. “I got busy, and I’m not attached to my phone all the time like a  _ certain _ newlywed. How are you and Sam, by the way?” You looked at Chris pointedly with that comment and, like expected, he was frantically shoving his phone back in his pocket. Chris had gotten married two months ago and was still very much in the honeymoon phase.

_ Good job, _ Aaron said into the earpiece, and it made you smile despite yourself.

Which, unfortunately, did not go unnoticed by Chris. He narrowed his eyes at you for a few seconds before gasping. “You’re deflecting! And I know that smile.” He thought about it for a second before his eyes went wide. “Oh my god, you ditched us last night because you were getting railed.”

Your friends knew you way too well. You rolled your eyes at Chris. “Wow, that is a reach if I’ve ever seen one.”

The elevator doors opened and you all but sprinted out of there. “You’re not denying it!” Chris accused and you had to bite back a groan of annoyance. You loved your friends, but you did not want to have this conversation right now. “Come on, spill. What is their name?”

You heard Aaron take a sharp intake of breath. You weren’t going to tell Chris, even if you weren’t currently wired where all of Aaron’s coworkers could hear. You never told your friends about Aaron because you were worried about their reaction. They would have fussed about whether or not he was too old, or if he was treating you right, or if you were in any danger because of his job. They would have pressured you to pursue more of a “true” relationship with Aaron, and you weren’t going to delude yourself into thinking like that.

You genuinely liked Aaron, and it really seemed like Aaron genuinely liked you, too, just not in the way that your friends would understand. Aaron was always nice to you. He treated you like an equal, not just some random college girl he was sleeping with. He was interesting, and being around him was easy. Aaron would invite you over sometimes and the two of you would just do your work while eating take out before you would have sex. Sometimes, you’d ask him for help with your homework, because there really wasn’t any better tutor, and he was happy to give it. At the time when you first met, the two of you were just kind of lonely, and it was nice to have somebody around who just  _ got it _ .

You also liked the version of you that Aaron brought out- smarter, wittier, and even a little bit more put together. You were already ambitious, but his own ambition matched yours and it made you want to push yourself a little further. Maybe you just wanted to show him that you were just as mature as he was. And if seeing him at work was indicative of anything, you thought that he liked the version of himself that you seemed to bring out- more easygoing and playful.

And also, yeah, the sex was  _ really _ fucking good.

You sped up your steps, but Chris was right at your heels. “You’re such a  _ chismoso _ , but fine. His first name is nunya, last name business.”

You heard him groan behind you, and you turned around so that you were walking backward. “Y/N, you suck so bad. This is going in the group chat, and we are going to find out who you’re sleeping with.”

You laughed, finally feeling relaxed and calm for the first time since you heard about this plan. “Mhm, good luck with that,” you called to him. “Now if you don’t mind, I have to get to work. Not all of us get paid to sit around and look pretty.”

“Yeah, you just get college credit for it,” he snorted and you just turned back around. You were sure you were going to get so much shit from your friends later, but the bag on your shoulder was getting heavier every second. 

Placing the listening devices was as easy as they told you it was going to be. You were able to go throughout your shift fairly normally, sitting through meetings and writing emails, mostly. If you needed to get into somebody’s office, you would just tell them that they needed to sign something or ask them if they wanted any more coffee. The only times Aaron would say something into the earpiece was if they couldn’t get a signal on the device and you needed to move it slightly.

When it was time for your break, you flipped your phone over in your hands a few times, debating on whether or not you should text Aaron. You wanted to see him again. You wanted to hear him moan in your ear while his hands roamed every inch of you. You desperately wanted his mouth on you, his head in between your thighs. You could imagine Aaron on top of you, brushing your hair from your face, and telling you how pretty you were when you asked for things nicely. Maybe you’d text Aaron later, when he wasn’t in a cramped van.

“Y/N?” You snapped your head up to see a woman you knew to be Julian DuPont’s assistant. DuPont owned the law firm, and he came from a very rich and powerful DC family. He was the whole reason that the FBI couldn’t just sneak in and bug the office themselves- he would be suspicious about anybody he didn’t personally know. Even having been an intern at the law firm for almost an entire year, you had only spoken to him one-on-one a handful of times. Sure, they were all positive experiences, but you knew he could lie to almost anybody.

“Yes?” you asked cautiously.

She gave you a sweet smile. “Mr. DuPont has asked to see you in his office right away.”

Your mouth instantly dried up and your heart started to beat so fast that you would have sworn everybody could hear it. “Uh… Yeah, of course, um… Did he happen to say what it was about?” you stuttered out. He was the first office you had placed the bug in. Maybe he found out and was about to fire you in front of everybody.  _ Or worse _ , your brain supplied unhelpfully.

The assistant shook her head and guided you wordlessly to DuPont’s office.  _ Stay calm, _ came Aaron’s voice through the earpiece.  _ I will tell you everything you need to say if you get stuck, but you’ll be fine _ .

When you got to the office, the assistant closed the door behind you, leaving you alone in the office with Mr. DuPont himself. He gave you a warm smile, which should have comforted you, but you didn’t think you had ever seen him smile for anything not related to winning a case or getting money. “Sit, please,” he ordered, gesturing lazily to the chair in front of his desk.

You tried to keep your breathing even as you sat down quickly, rubbing your hands on the tops of your thighs. It felt like you were in the principal’s office. You stayed silent so that he could have the first word.

“As you may know, I’ve been watching your progress very closely, both here and with your professors,” he stated, leaning forwards in his chair. “You’re very intelligent, and I think you have a bright career in front of you.”

“Thank you, sir,” you said, trying to put as much confidence in your words as possible. There was a ‘but’ coming, you felt it. You could vaguely make out mumbling in your earpiece, like the BAU was trying to profile what Julian was going to say half a second before he said it.

DuPont straightened out a pen on his desk- to be specific, the pen with the listening device in it. Your breath caught in your throat. “I would like to capitalize on that potential and have you work here after you’ve graduated, but I need to see how you do in an actual courtroom. Law students are allowed to practice law under the supervision of an attorney, which would be me. If you do well, and you pass the bar, you’ll have a job here as an associate right after graduation. Think of it as a trial run, or a try-before-you-buy program.”

You let out a sigh of relief, not even caring how dramatic it may have looked to Julian, and you closed your eyes for a second just to ground yourself. He didn’t know, it was just a job offer. The secret was safe. The earpiece went silent again. “Sir- I… Thank you so much. I would love to, of course. It would be an absolute honor.”

DuPont nodded and leaned back in his chair. “That’s good to hear. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a meeting to attend. We will discuss this more at a later date.”

You shook his hand quickly before exiting, your heart pounding. You were going to need a drink, or five, tonight. Maybe it was stupid, but part of you wanted to hear something from your earpiece. It didn’t even need to be Aaron speaking, but you wanted somebody from the BAU to remind you that everything was okay.

Ignoring the questioning look from Chris, you sat down at your desk, attempting to process everything that just happened. Once the adrenaline went down, you let yourself get excited. A job offer, and a nice one at that, at a fancy private firm with a nice salary. You were set.

You grabbed your phone so that you could send the news to your friends, but a notification caught your eye.

**From: Aaron Hotchner**

**Congratulations, associate. I told you that you’d make a wonderful lawyer someday.**

_ To: Aaron Hotchner _ _   
_ _ Thank you :) You know this means I’m going to practice my opening statements on you all the time, right?? _

**From: Aaron Hotchner** **  
** **I’m looking forward to it.**

  
  



	6. Medicine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Monday, y'all! Hope you enjoy this chapter.

_ I had a few, got drunk on you, and now I’m wasted _

_ And when I sleep I’m gonna dream of how you tasted _

_ \- Harry Styles, “Medicine” _

The investigation was slow going, and every day when you got off the metro to get to your internship, you would see the undercover van that you knew had BAU members cramped inside, sitting and waiting for somebody,  _ anybody _ , to slip up and say something incriminating. 

It was weird being at work knowing that it was bugged, but it did wonders for your productivity. Whenever Chris or another one of your friends at the office started to ask you about your personal life, you were able to deflect it with a quick “Sorry, I’m in the zone right now, and I’ve really got to focus!” Usually, you had no problem sharing, but you  _ really _ didn’t want the FBI to have audio evidence of your retelling of you double fisting vodka Sprites the night before until you passed out in your bathtub. 

You also hadn’t seen Aaron since that first night together, which was almost a week ago now. The two of you had been texting back and forth pretty consistently, but you quickly found that there was a variable that wasn’t there two years ago - Jack.

You should have realized that,  _ of course _ , Jack would be living with Aaron now, but it never crossed your mind. Jack used to live with Haley, and Aaron rarely brought him up to you. Now that Jack lived with Aaron, it made things a little more complicated. It also meant that you couldn’t just show up at Aaron’s doorstep whenever you were feeling lonely, or vice versa. After a long and awkward phone call, Aaron and you had both agreed that it was best that Jack just didn’t meet you, just in case he got attached.

_ “For now, at least,” _ Aaron had added at the end, and holy shit, you did not have the time to unpack whatever the fuck that meant.

Especially not with Chris throwing a crumpled piece of paper at you like the two of you were in middle school and passing notes.

You held up the ball of paper with a raised eyebrow. “Seriously? You have the desk across from me, you could have just said my name.”

“What are you doing tonight?” he asked you, pointedly ignoring your question. “Nina just got the Catan expansion pack and she wants us all to come over.”

You pursed your lips as you thought about the offer. You did love game nights with your friends, but it was Friday night and you were still holding out on the possibility of Aaron maybe being free and inviting you over. It was almost pitiful how touch starved you were after just a few days of not being with Aaron.

“I’m not sure whether or not I’m busy tonight,” you admitted, maybe speaking a little too loudly in the direction of the listening devices, just in case Aaron was listening in. 

Chris gave you a knowing smirk. “Oh, are you waiting to hear from your secret lover?”

“Okay, don’t use the word ‘lover’ again,” you groaned. “And what makes you think that it was anything more than a one night stand?”

“Because when you’re not actively texting, you’ve been checking your phone every 20 minutes.”

Your face turned red as you sunk into your seat, trying and failing to hide yourself. Maybe if you willed it hard enough, the ground would open up and swallow you whole, just to save you from the embarrassment. You hadn’t realized you were checking your phone so often, but you also didn’t doubt it. 

“Fine,” you grumbled, deciding that coming clean to your friends was going to be much easier than having to deal with them bringing it up at every moment possible. Besides, you didn’t have to give them all the details. “I will tell everybody all about him, but  _ later _ . Not now.”

Chris smirked as he leaned back in his chair, obviously proud of himself. You turned back to your work, mindlessly doing edits as you came up with a cover story in your head.

_ Ran into an old friend,  _ you could say.  _ We got drinks, and then one thing led to another. _ That could work, except you came to the realization that you didn’t have any photos of Aaron, which would be suspicious if he was an old friend. You would have to look him up, which you were sure would just lead to a slew of FBI ID photos and news articles, which would mean that they’d just do some major googling of their own. You had avoided looking up Aaron, maybe in fear of what fucked up cases he had been involved in, but your friends would not hesitate.

You could come up with something so ridiculous that they would just laugh about it.  _ Yeah, I got a sugar daddy and he made me sign a nondisclosure agreement, sorry! _ You giggled to yourself just thinking about it. Aaron would probably be mortified at the thought. Although, he did wear a Rolex, so you guessed that anything was possible.

“Holy shit, Y/N,” Chris mumbled, and you just gave a lazy hum as a reply, not really paying attention. “The FBI is here.”

Your head snapped up at  _ that _ . You whipped your head around so that you could face the entrance, and sure enough, the entire BAU team was walking in like they owned the place, with Aaron in the lead. They all had their FBI vests on, a sight which was way more attractive than it should have been. JJ and Reid stayed at the entrance to make sure nobody got out.

“Everybody, please stay calm,” JJ called out, putting her hands up non threateningly. “Everything is okay, but we need you all to stay sitting exactly where you are.”

A commotion came from the conference room and against your better judgment, you turned your head to watch what was going on. It wasn’t just one person getting arrested, it was every partner. You watched as Aaron spun Julian DuPont around by the wrist and pushed his face down on the conference table and  _ oh, _ the FBI vest was nothing compared to watching Aaron arrest somebody.

If anybody asked you if you got turned on during an FBI raid, you would vehemently deny it, but watching Aaron take out his handcuffs made your mind flash back to all those times you were in that same position, cuffed and bent over, completely at Aaron’s mercy. 

Just as quickly as they came in, the BAU made their arrests and made their way back out. As Aaron passed your desk, his eyes met yours for a brief second and the corner of his mouth quirked up smugly. It was so subtle and quick that even you barely caught it, but you knew that look.

At least you weren’t the only one in this situation with your mind in the gutter.

Once the rest of the BAU was out of the building, JJ and Reid started the process of getting everybody else out of the office so that CSI could come in and finish looking around. When you passed by them, both agents greeted you with a warm smile, like the three of you were old friends.

“Y/N, we’re going to need to get your statement before you go home,” Reid told you as you walked by, and you just nodded in confirmation.

Once you got outside, you were immediately greeted by some agent named Anderson. He needed to get your statement on the work you did with the team, and you quickly gave him the PG version of the story. Your mind, however, was more focused on finding Aaron, who you knew had to be somewhere in the crowd. God, how long did it take to write down a simple statement?

“I’ll take it from here, Anderson. Thank you.” 

Aaron’s voice sent shivers down your spine and you spun around to look at him. You brought your bottom lip in between your teeth. “Nice arrest, although I’m surprised. Mr. DuPont doesn’t even drive himself to work, I can’t imagine him waiting out to kill somebody.”

“That’s because he hired hitmen,” Aaron explained. “The victims were all bribing judges to get their cases dismissed, and all of those dismissed cases looked really bad for his prosecuting record.”

You shrugged, placing your hands on his hips. “Probably not as bad as prison, though.”

That actually got a laugh out of Aaron, but he quickly composed himself as another agent walked past the two of you. “Yeah, he’s not going to be practicing law ever again.” 

You opened your mouth to say something - maybe to invite him over? You weren’t totally sure - when one of the CSI’s came over to ask Aaron something.

Aaron waved him off, telling him that he would be there in a moment, before turning back to you. “My house will be empty all weekend,” he whispered, looking around to make sure nobody was watching. “Pack a bag, come over.”

Before you could even answer him, Aaron had already taken off. You made your way towards the metro so that you could run home before heading to Aaron’s. You had to fight the smile that was growing on your face when Aaron mentioned packing a bag. Not only was it an unspoken promise of a weekend full of sex, it also meant that he was planning on making room for you to keep some of your stuff at his house. The two of you were quickly falling back into your old routines, and it was weirdly comforting.

When you got to your house, you made a split second decision to change out of your work clothes into a more casual outfit, although it didn’t matter much what you were wearing. It’s not like it was going to stay on for very long. As you packed your bag, you ordered an Uber, knowing it would get you to Aaron’s place faster than the metro. 

Sure, you were a little impatient, but it had been so long since you had spent the night at Aaron’s place. It always intrigued you how different it was at his house than it was at yours. You were just staying in a shoebox apartment while you were in college - something liveable and temporary until after you graduated and got a job where you could put actual roots down. Your decor was fairly minimum, an assortment of knick-knacks and photos of your friends.

Aaron’s place was different. It was a certifiable, adult  _ house _ with framed art and random decorative bowls scattered around. All of his kitchenware was a part of a matching set and his living room looked like all the pieces were picked out by an interior designer. In a weird way, being at Aaron’s house gave you a glimpse of the life you could have in just a few years. Sometimes, it was easy to imagine that you were a part of his world.

You couldn’t think like that, though. Especially not when he greeted you at his door with an eager kiss, pulling you in so that you were pressed against him.

“I’m going to use this entire weekend,” Aaron mumbled against your lips in between kisses. His hands slid up your sides, pulling your shirt off almost immediately. “To thoroughly and completely ruin you, until you can only say my name.” 

Your fingers tangled in his hair as you smiled into the kiss, your fingers already working on the buttons of his shirt. A soft moan escaped your lips, which only encouraged him to deepen the kiss.

The two of you stumbled towards Aaron’s bedroom, only detaching your lips when absolutely necessary and leaving a trail of clothes behind you. You needed to be naked, to feel your bare skin pressed against his. His hands were impossibly everywhere all at once - running up your thighs, cupping your breasts, and gripping your hips so hard that it was bound to leave bruises. Your body burned everywhere he touched and soon all you could think about was him and how badly you wanted him to touch you where it mattered.

Once you got to his bedroom, Aaron pressed you against the wall. You tried to grind against him, but he moved one of his hands onto your hips so that he could hold you in place. His lips moved from your mouth to your neck, sucking just enough to make your back arch. “You have no idea how often I thought of you this week. How hard it was to listen to you and not think about how you sound when you’re begging for me. How badly I needed you.”

Your nail scratched down his back lightly, just enough to elicit a soft hiss from him. “Desperation is unbecoming on you, Aaron,” you teased, knowing that would get a reaction out of him.

It worked. One of his hands stayed on your hip, pressing you firmly against the wall, while his other hand tangled itself in your hair, pulling your head back so that your face was lifted up towards him. He kept you at an arm's distance as his eyes raked your body up and down hungrily.

“I’m desperate?” he said scornfully. “Coming from the girl who is so needy that she couldn’t stay away from her phone for more than a few minutes, just waiting for me to want you. I could have called you at any time, and you would have dropped everything just to let me use you, isn’t that right? You’d let me do anything to you, just like the filthy slut you are.”

You visibility gulped at his statement but you nodded obediently, which earned you a sharp tug of your hair.

“Yes, Aaron,  _ fuck _ ,” you gasped out. “I would have let you do anything at any time, just please…”

Aaron gave you a predatory grin as the hand on your hip slowly made its way up your stomach until it cupped your right breast, thumbing lightly over your nipple. It wasn’t enough to get any real pleasure, but it made you moan all the same.

“You did such a good job this week,” he murmured, looking at you almost worshipfully like he wanted to commit you to memory. “I was going to give you whatever you wanted tonight. But maybe that would make me too  _ desperate _ .”

You tried to wiggle out of his grasp, but it was no use. “I- I-” you stuttered out. You couldn’t think straight.

“I- I-,” Aaron mocked. “I thought you were a lot more intelligent than that. Come on, Y/N, whatever you want. Use your words. Unless pleasure’s turned you into a stupid whore.” He punctuated the last word with a light spank to your clit, which made you cry out and your legs instinctively try to close.

“I want you to use your mouth,” you begged, arching your back in a pitiful attempt to create some form of contact. Your shoulders pressed against the wall was the only thing keeping you upright.

“Where?” he asked all too casually.

Your breathing was still shaky at best, but you forced yourself to make eye contact with Aaron. He looked back at you expectantly, waiting patiently for your answer.

You slowly raised your hand to point to your left breast, which so far had been woefully ignored. “Here,” you said hesitantly, not sure whether or not he was going to tease you. While Aaron always gave you what you asked for eventually, that didn’t mean he wouldn’t make you beg for it first.

To his credit, however, Aaron immediately bent down and attached his mouth to your nipple, his teeth gently scraping over the sensitive flesh. His eyes never left yours, he wanted to watch your reaction. 

Feeling more confident, you cupped the sides of his face and pulled him off you, and the sound it made was obscene. “I want you to eat me out,” you whispered, blushing as you said it. “I want to feel myself cum on your face,  _ please _ .”

Aaron smirked as he slid down to his knees, kissing all the way down your stomach. “Good girl, you asked so nicely,” he mumbled against your skin and it sent shivers up your spine. He hooked one of your legs over his shoulder, giving him a perfect few of your pussy, slick with your arousal. “Look at you, dripping down your thighs before I’ve even started. Desperation is unbecoming on you, Y/N,” he mocked. He was using your words against you, and you didn’t even care. You just wanted him to do something,  _ anything. _

Aaron ran a finger through your folds, ghosting over your clit. You hips bucked, desperate for more contact, but his finger was already gone. “Look at me,” he ordered, and as soon as you did, you were greeted with the image of Aaron admiring the wetness that was covering his finger. Then he stuck the finger in his mouth, smirking as he did, and you moaned out at the sight. “You taste so good, Y/N.”

“Please, Aaron, I need you to-  _ oh! _ ” you begged, but you were cut off by Aaron licking a strip up your center, still avoiding your clit.

His hands came around and grabbed onto your ass as he got to work, lapping through your folds. You tangled your hands in his hair, rocking your hips against his mouth, craving  _ more _ . His tongue teased at your clit, humming every once in a while in a way that sent vibrations throughout you. Without warning, he pushed two fingers into you curling them in just the right spot.

As Aaron’s fingers pumped in and out of you, his lips focused solely on your clit. He flicked it once with his tongue before sucking, relishing in the way you moaned out his name. You tightened your grip in Aaron’s hair as your first orgasm hit you, your whole body shaking and a string of expletives leaving your mouth. But that didn’t stop Aaron.

He added a third finger and replaced his mouth with his thumb on your clit. “You’re going to give me another one,” he practically growled. “And then I’m going to fuck you until you’re a whining mess. This  _ is _ what you asked for isn’t it?”

When you didn’t answer right away, he turned his head to the side and bit down on the sensitive flesh of your inner thigh, causing you to cry out. He sucked on that same spot for a little before dragging his tongue over the newly formed bruise.

“Yes, I want that, Aaron,” you cried out. “I want  _ you _ .”

He reattached his lips to your folds with newfound vigor, making tight circles around your clit. His free hand snaked up your sides to your breast, pinching and twisting at your nipple. You continued to beg, although you weren’t sure what you were begging for exactly. All you knew was that you were so full of  _ want _ , want for your second orgasm, and want for Aaron.

Aaron fucked you with his fingers with ease, as if he had all the time in the world. You ground down on him again, chasing your orgasm the best you could. Your eyes were squeezed shut in pleasure, but you needed more. You opened your eyes, only to be met with Aaron’s blown pupils, eyes full of desire. You could almost  _ feel _ his smirk as he wrapped his lips around your clit and  _ pulled _ .

The heel of your foot dug into his back as you cried out, your second orgasm twice as intense as your first one. Aaron’s fingers kept pumping into you lazily, and even your panting couldn’t cover the filthy sounds it was making. You could feel yourself dripping down your thighs.

Aaron slowly removed his fingers from you and lightly swiped them over your clit once more as he stood up, which almost made you completely lose your balance, a sob tearing from your mouth.

He held his glistening fingers in front of your mouth and you opened obediently, moaning as you tasted yourself on him. Your tongue swirled around his fingers, making sure to clean every trace of you off him.

Aaron removed his fingers from your mouth. “Do you have one more in you?” he asked, and it was softer than you were used to. “It’s okay if you don’t. We have all weekend.”

“I need your dick in me,” you said in lieu of an answer. “Please,  _ please _ fuck me.”

Aaron pulled you to his bed and you all but collapsed onto your back, your legs still shaking from your back to back orgasms. Aaron crawled on top of you, leaving a trail of kisses in his wake, all the way from your stomach to your mouth.

“You’re so beautiful when you come for me,” he whispered, teasing your entrance with the head of his cock. All of his movements were gentle, bordering on caring. “Yelling out my name so that everybody can hear that you’re  _ mine _ .”

He pressed into you slowly, his first few thrusts shallow, and you could see that it was taking all of his willpower to keep teasing you like this. You dragged your nails down his back, not caring if it left marks on him.

“Aaron,” you whimpered, bucking your hips to try and get more movement. “Please fuck me. I need more.”

Aaron was always good at giving you what you wanted.

His hips snapped into you harshly, and you had to attach your lips to his shoulder to keep from screaming out. Aaron thrusted into you hard and fast, wanting to feel every inch of you. He stretched you in all the best ways and your back arched off the bed. You were holding on to Aaron like a lifeline, and all he could do was grunt out your name over and over, repeating it like a prayer. 

Your third orgasm came fast, spreading through your body like a wildfire, and you could feel the tears prick at the corners of your eyes at the overstimulation. Aaron’s thrusts became more desperate and harsher as he felt you squeeze around him. He dropped his head to your shoulder, his breathing ragged and you could tell that he was so close-

“Cum for me… Fill me up,” you purred into Aaron’s ear, and that’s all it took for him to finish, holding himself deep inside you as his warmth filled you. The two of you stayed like that for a moment, both trying to catch your breath. You brought your head up to kiss Aaron, slowly and deliberately and filled with…  _ something _ . You couldn’t figure out what it was yet.

Aaron pulled out of you slowly and flopped onto the bed next to you, but he reached over and held your hand. The two of you laid like that for several moments, giving yourselves time to come back down to reality. Finally, Aaron rolled on his side to check on you. You admired the flush on his body, especially as it rose to his cheeks and made him look like he was practically glowing.

“Are you okay?” he asked, his thumb rubbing lazy circles on your hand. “Can I do anything?” 

You turned your head to smile at him, giving his hand a squeeze, before sitting up. Aaron was always so careful about aftercare, which you were immensely appreciative of. “Oh, I’m fine, I’m just going to go to the bathroom. A UTI might ruin the mood,” you joked.

When you returned, Aaron was already in a pair of pajama pants and sitting in bed. He had also laid out one of his shirts for you, which caused your stomach to do flips. Despite the fact that you actually  _ did _ pack pajamas, you chose to wear his shirt. You could feel his eyes watching your every movement as you made your way back into bed, leaning back against the headboard.

Aaron placed an arm around your shoulders and you leaned into him, catching his lips in another kiss, this one soft and sensual. You placed your hand on his bare chest as the kiss deepened, and Aaron’s fingers ghosting over your skin sent shivers down your spine.

“So,” you murmured against his lips. “What are your plans for me this weekend?” It was partially a joke, but you wanted to be as prepared as possible for just how sore you were going to be on Monday after an entire three days of being thoroughly wrecked by Aaron.

Aaron’s lips curved up into a smile as he dropped a kiss on the top of your head, letting his lips linger for just a second too long. “Hm, we can play it by ear. Although, I was thinking Indian for dinner tomorrow night?”

You were too old to get butterflies, but there was something so soft and so sincere in his reply that it made your stomach do flips. Aaron yawned, probably not even giving a second thought to his reply, and pulled you in closer to him. 

“Yeah,” you conceded, closing your eyes. “Indian sounds good.” You could deal with the butterflies later.


	7. I Wanna Be Yours

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hotch pov & pining & bau shenanigans oh my!
> 
> this chapter is long and a bit of a doozy, but lots of fun stuff happens. Thank you for all of the love and support you have given this story so far <3

_ “You call the shots babe _

_ I just wanna be yours _

_ Secrets I have held in my heart _

_ Are harder to hide than I thought _

_ Maybe I just wanna be yours _

_ I wanna be yours, I wanna be yours” _

_ \- Arctic Monkeys, “I Wanna Be Yours” _

If there was one thing you liked more than sleeping with Aaron, you decided, it was waking up next to him. That was probably in part because it just didn’t happen very often. Most mornings were a frantic rush to get to work or school, and too often Aaron was up, showered, and dressed before you even got out of bed. It worked, though, and you didn’t have to worry about your respective morning routines being thrown off. 

It was also the same reason the two of you kept clothes at each other’s places. One of the first times Aaron had spent the night at your apartment, he got called into the BAU early for a case and couldn’t go home to change, which meant he had spent an entire week in some tiny Montana town avoiding the questioning stares of everybody on his team, trying to figure out where he had spent the night.

Or there was the time when you decided to tease Aaron a little  _ too _ much and he ended up tearing the buttons off your blouse, meaning you had to find a way to style one of his oversized button ups to wear to court. Having a drawer at each other’s places wasn’t some big declaration of feelings or taking things to the next step, it was just being smart and proactive.

And as a bonus, the efficiency of the morning routines plus already having clothes meant plenty of time for morning sex.

Aaron’s arm was draped lazily over your waist, not exactly pulling you in towards him, and keeping you at a distance. But it was comforting all the same knowing that, even in his sleep, he still wanted you. At the beginning of your fling, you had teased Aaron for being a cuddler, and he had just said it was because he liked knowing that you were safe and with him and that it grounded him. It didn’t take much longer for you to realize that Aaron Hotchner was a lot lonelier than he let on.

You could feel Aaron’s breath on the back of your neck as you stretched languidly, every muscle in your body happily sore. It would be so easy to just fall back asleep and let the morning pass both of you by. You had all weekend, and you were sure that you and Aaron would need your rest whenever you could get it. You pulled the covers closer to your frame and curled up even more, savoring the warmth of the bed and letting out a content sigh.

“If you keep stealing the covers,” came Aaron’s raspy mumble, “We’re going to have to start using two separate blankets.”

A small smile tugged on the corners of your lips as you turned around so you could face Aaron. He must have been up for a while if he was already using full sentences, which meant that he had made the somewhat conscious decision to stay in bed with you. Those stupid butterflies from the night before came back in full force. His eyes were still closed, but he had a smug smirk gracing his face as he pulled you closer to him, your legs quickly tangling with his.

Another good thing about waking up next to Aaron was that he looked downright sinful in the mornings, especially when he had just the faintest hint of stubble on his chin like he did then. The lines of his perpetually furrowed brows all but disappeared and his hair was much messier than usual, although you were more than likely the cause of that last night. You could see the faint scratches on his shoulders and bruises on his collarbone, also your doing. 

You were sure you had just as many marks on your body, if not more. Aaron was patient and he knew how to read every little reaction you gave him in order to make you a whimpering mess. You probably would have been annoyed at how easily he could read you if it didn’t feel so good.

You let out a soft “humph” as you buried your face into his bare chest, breathing him in. “Maybe if you didn’t insist on making your house an icebox…”

Your words trailed off as Aaron slipped his hand that was on your back under your -  _ his _ \- shirt so that he could run his fingers up and down your spine. He propped his head up on his other hand, finally letting his eyes open to look at you. The sunlight filtering through the window brought out the tiny flecks of gold in his eyes.

“Wanted to make sure you stayed in bed,” he admitted, his eyes shamelessly tracing you up and down and you could feel his growing morning wood pressed against you.

You squeezed your thighs together as you traced small patterns over his bare chest with your fingertips. “By making it too cold for me to even grab a jacket?” you teased.

Aaron just shrugged, still mindlessly rubbing the bare skin of your back. “It worked, didn’t it? Besides…” His hand moved to rest on your waist, his thumb teasing the underside of your breast. “I can think of a few ways to warm up.”

You smirked and lifted your head to bring a kiss up to his neck, leaving a small bruise in its wake. “Oh?” you asked with a lifted eyebrow. “I wouldn’t mind going for round two.”

A giggle slipped past your lips as Aaron rolled over, pulling you on top of him so that you were straddling his hips. “Mhm,” he mumbled in between kisses. “Or round three..” Another kiss. “Maybe four…” Another kiss. “Five if we’re feeling especially ambitious.” His fingers hooked on the waistband of your underwear, pulling them down swiftly.

You smiled into the kisses and you let your fingers run through Aaron’s hair, your nails lightly scratching at his scalp. You could feel his erection pressing against you and you grinded down on him. Aaron rewarded you with one of his delicious moans. His hands slid up your sides and pulled off the shirt you were wearing in one fluid motion, his mouth immediately attaching to your nipple, his tongue moving in circles as his lips pulled and tugged until you cried out his name.

His hands moved back down to grip your hips, slowly rocking your hips back and forth on him. “Aaron,” you breathed out, your senses completely overwhelmed. He was sitting up now and kissing his way up to your neck, determined to leave you with as many marks as possible.

“Do you wanna cum like this?” he practically growled, his scruff brushing against your sensitive skin. “Grinding on my thigh, greedy and desperate? Was three orgasms not enough last night?”

You gripped his shoulders, moving your hips faster now, dizzy with want. “Yes,  _ fuck _ ,” you moaned, pressing down with as much force as you could muster, only the thin fabric of his pajamas pants keeping you from what you wanted. Nothing would be close enough to him, but you could certainly try. Aaron lifted his thigh and his grip on your hips got tighter, already forming bruises.

Aaron watched you intently as you felt your orgasm build up, his lips parted ever so slightly. He loved to watch you fall apart, loved the power it gave him. And you loved to watch him watch you come apart, because the open-mouth smile he gave you made it look like he worshiped the ground you walked on. You were all too willing to give him a show.

You threw your head back as you panted, desperate for your release. “Please, I’m so close,” you begged, speeding up your hips even more.

He released one hand from your hips and dragged his nails up your body, leaving little pink lines in his wake, until his hand could rest comfortably on your throat. Aaron didn’t put any pressure, but you were wound so tightly that any touch would have set you off.

“Cum for me _ ,”  _ Aaron demanded, and your body immediately listened

Your whole body shook as your orgasm slammed into you, but you managed to keep your eyes locked with his, giving him a primal smile, which only made his eyes darken even more with lust. Aaron took the hand on your throat and moved it up to cup your cheek, pulling you in for a kiss. It was needy and desperate, maybe even a little clumsy as you lifted off his lap just enough to  _ finally _ pull his pajama pants down. 

You reached your hand down to pump him lazily a few times, your thumb swiping over the tip of his cock teasingly. Part of you wanted to tease Aaron, to see if you could make him whine and beg for you to fuck him. A larger, needier part of you just wanted to ride Aaron so that you could hear more praises from him.

Aaron made that decision for you. “Do you think you’re going to ride me?” he asked condescendingly, as if to say  _ you’re cute if you think you’re in charge. _

You continued to stroke Aaron’s erection, twisting your wrist in just the right way to get Aaron to moan for you. “I will if you ask nicely,” you mused, your voice even, but even as you said it, you were already slowly sinking down on his cock, moaning at the feeling of him stretching you. You were still a little sore from last night, but it quickly turned into pleasure. 

Before you could fully take all of him into you, Aaron snapped his hips up, hitting you in all the right places. You gasped out, your pussy clenching involuntarily around him.

That just made Aaron smirk and thrust up into you again. “I don’t need to ask to take what’s  _ mine,”  _ he hissed, but his voice was strained, like it was taking all of his energy to keep a steady tone. “And you, my dear, are mine.”

Every word was just encouragement for you to ride him faster, wanting to hear him moan some more. “I’m yours,” you agreed, burying your face in his neck.

He took one of your hands that was clinging onto his shoulder for dear life and guided it down to your clit. “Touch yourself,” he ordered, leaning back just enough so that he could get a good look at you. “I want to watch you.”

You immediately started to circle your swollen clit, and the stimulation was almost too much.  _ Almost.  _ But the look on Aaron’s face as he watched you work yourself over, so full of lust and want, was more than enough encouragement for you.

“Like this?” you asked innocently, and you could feel his dick throb inside you.

Aaron let your name fall from his lips, coming out as a sigh. “Fuck, you’re so filthy,” he groaned before capturing your lips in a kiss. 

It didn’t take long for you to cum again, moaning his name into his lips as your walls fluttered around him. You didn’t dare stop kissing him, though, and you especially didn’t dare stop riding Aaron. You wanted to feel him deeper in you. Your legs were shaking and a thin sheen of sweat covered you, but you wanted him to come apart, lose control.

When he came, he held you in place and pressed his forehead against yours, wanting to watch every little reaction you made. You whimpered as he filled you, his dick twitching inside of you. You were exhausted in the best way and your skin was warm to the touch. The two of you stayed like that for a few appreciative moments, heavy breathing being the only sound in the room.

It really  _ was _ easy to imagine that this was your life, to pretend that you would be able to wake up next to Aaron and have two orgasms before breakfast as much as you wanted. But reality came back all too harshly in the form of Aaron’s phone ringing. Both of you let out groans of annoyance as you pulled yourself off of him. Aaron  _ technically _ had weekends off, but he was always on call, which meant no phone call could go unanswered.

“I’m sorry,” he muttered, reaching over to the nightstand to grab his cell.

You chuckled and placed a quick kiss on his lips. “So much for round two, hm?” you teased. “You answer that. I’m going to go shower.” You winced as you climbed out of bed, feeling the soreness spread across your body. You were going to get absolutely wrecked this weekend, and you honestly couldn’t wait. You looked back at Aaron as he answered the phone, and you were surprised to see him staring right at you, looking at you with a softness that nobody had ever looked at you with before. It terrified you.

~~~~~~~

Sometimes, Aaron wondered what Y/N was getting out of this… whatever this was. Companionship, maybe, but he couldn’t imagine she had any problems in that area. She was young, pretty, and charming, and he had seen her turn down a handful of numbers that were thrown her way by men much more suitable for her.

At the very beginning, he thought that maybe she was just trying to get an extra foot in the door of her career. He wondered if she was just overly ambitious and calculating, and used his lust for her to get exactly what she wanted. But that theory was tossed to the side almost as quickly as he thought about it when she had announced proudly that she was doing her project in her Torts class on a case that he had overseen at the beginning of his prosecuting career. “The other cases were more interesting,” she had told him, “But it’s going to be so much fun to see your face when I rip your argument to shreds.”

Yeah, she didn’t need him to succeed in her career. She was going to do just fine.

So the only other reason he could think of was that she just genuinely enjoyed his company and wanted to be around him. That would certainly explain why she snuck around with him for almost an entire year, rendezvousing at unpredictable times and keeping their knowledge of each other a secret. It would also explain why she was so willing to let him back into her life as if nothing had changed. She was smart enough to know that Aaron was a changed man and that there would be a lot more baggage this time around, but none of that seemed to bother her.

Although he couldn’t quite figure out  _ why _ she stuck around, he couldn’t deny that it made him happy. He liked having somebody around who genuinely wanted to spend time with him. Aaron liked to think that he had gotten pretty good at predicting the things she might ask for, and he was more than happy to keep giving them to her if it meant she would stick around for a while longer.

After the phone call that was entirely too long and completely unnecessary, Aaron grabbed some clothes and went to rinse off in the shower quickly. He heard Y/N get out of the shower and start to raid his kitchen minutes before, which he had already planned for. On a whim during his bi-weekly grocery store run, he grabbed a few things for when she inevitably stayed over - caramel syrup for coffee, an extra toothbrush, a pack of hair ties to keep in his bathroom, and a bag of her favorite salt-and-vinegar chips.

Once he got dressed and ready for the day, he walked out into the kitchen, where she was talking on her phone, leaning on the counter and laughing, a cup of iced coffee right next to her. “Yeah, no,” he heard her say. “I think it’s going really well and- I  _ know.  _ I learned my lesson about the melatonin thing.”

At the sound of his footsteps, she turned her head and smiled at Aaron, noticing his presence. She kept her eyes locked with his as she continued her phone conversation. “Hey, I have to go, but I’ll-” she paused, obviously cut off by the person on the other side of the line. A blush spread across her cheeks and she laughed again. “Oh my god, shut the fuck up. I will talk to you later. Goodbye, my love.”

Aaron watched the interaction with curiosity. Every once in awhile, he would catch glimpses of the college student version of her that he rarely saw. She always held herself with such an air of confidence and intelligence around him, and she was so quick-witted that it was easy to forget that she was still just a law student, still finding her way in the world. She seemed to carefully plan the version of herself that she would be in front of Aaron, and even more carefully hid the versions of herself that she didn’t want to be.

It had intrigued him when she was helping with the case, hearing her in a professional setting. He knew she was smart and good at what she did, but seeing it in practice was an entirely different thing.

However, the case also brought another facet of who Y/N was. Hearing her conversations with her friends, listening to her gossip and being more carefree, was different. There was a girlish quality to her that he had never really seen, and it confused him. He wanted to fuck her until she was screaming out his name, crying and begging for him. He wanted to see her smile up at him while she was on her knees. Hell, he even wanted to just lay on the couch and listen to her talk about her classes, let her tell him all about the weird guy who wears a full three-piece suit to class, and share take out with her.

But now, he also wanted to save her, but he wasn’t quite sure from what. The reality of the profession she was going into? The many corporate men who were bound to just see her as a pretty thing? The world? Himself, maybe?

She slipped the phone into her back pocket, blissfully unaware of the thoughts swirling in Aaron’s brains. “Sorry, that was Aly, my friend,” she explained before he even had a chance to ask.

Aaron gave a soft hum of acknowledgment. “Aly... That’s the one you lived with in high school after your mom-”

“Yeah,” she cut him off firmly, signifying the end of that conversation. “That’s her. Do you have to go to work?”

Aaron could have sworn he heard the slightest bit of disappointment in her question, and it tugged at his heart, because he had heard that exact question with that exact hidden disappointment too many times.

It was unfair to compare her to Haley, and he knew that. She didn’t want to be his “New Haley” something she had made very clear two years ago. Neither of them expected this to lead to a white picket fence and a dog, and they weren’t going to make major sacrifices to be with each other, especially in regards to their respective careers. The disappointment was more than likely him projecting.

That didn’t stop the twinge of guilt that threatened to consume him.

“No, I don’t,” he finally said. “Metro PD had a question about some of the files that were sent over about the case, which could and should have been handled by the agents actually working today instead of going straight to me.” Aaron had a hard time hiding the growing annoyance in his words. It wasn’t the officers’ fault they got shit training.

She shot an amused smirk Aaron’s way, bringing her coffee up to her lips. “Aw, that’s cute,” she teased. “Maybe they just wanted answers from the big boss man?”

Aaron scoffed as he made his way towards his Keurig, which was already loaded with his brew of choice and a mug readily placed, no doubt Y/N’s doing. All he needed to do was press a button. She was pretty good at anticipating his wants, too, and even better at knowing what he needed before he even knew.

“Yeah, well, arresting a group of prolific lawyers isn’t going to be anything short of a pain in the ass.”

Once his coffee was poured, he turned back to face Y/N, whose eyes were now unfocused and deep in thought. “Right, yeah,” she murmured, more to herself than to Aaron. “They’re all going to jail…”

Aaron’s eyebrows furrowed as he watched her mouth to herself. She did that when she was trying to work out a problem, like she was presenting the arguments and counter-arguments to herself. “Penny for your thoughts?” he asked.

Her eyes snapped back up to Aaron, as if she just remembered he was there. “I just- You can’t have a law firm without the partners and I just realized that I don’t have an internship anymore, which I’m going to have to try and explain to my professors because I need those credits to graduate. And I don’t have a job offer either, which means I am back at the bottom.”

“I’m sorry,” Aaron said, unable to think of anything better to say. Truth be told, he hadn’t considered the collateral damage to the rest of the employees who had no clue what was going on behind closed doors.

She shrugged, but her eyes were still distant. “Oh, it’s fine. I didn’t even want to work in the private sector long term. Prosecutors all work for the government, anyway. The private sector only has the specialized training programs, flexible hours, ability to choose your own clients, and the crazy high salaries…” She trailed off almost dreamily before taking an audible breath.

“Well…” Aaron started, choosing every word carefully. He knew that he was walking a tightrope and that his next offer could very easily come back and bite him in the ass, but it wasn’t the first time Aaron had bent the rules, and it wasn’t going to be his last. “I can’t do much in the way of a job offer, but the FBI does hire interns for our in house legal team. It’s not exactly prosecuting, but it would be closer to your career goals. You would still need to apply, but I know the head of the division and I’m sure we could expedite your application.”

Her knuckles turned white as she gripped her coffee cup so tight that Aaron was sure it was going to shatter. “I don’t need to sleep my way to an internship,” she said sharply.

Aaron nodded in agreement. “I know that, and you’re not,” he promised. “This is an offer from the BAU Unit chief as an official thank you from the FBI for your help in the investigation.” Noticing her hesitation, he decided to continue. “My reputation is on the line, too. I wouldn’t be suggesting this if I didn’t think you deserved it. You’re top of your class and the head of law review. I can show them the audio files of the work you’ve done this past week at the other internship. It’s still merit based, and you would still have to beat out other candidates, but I would ensure your application gets looked at immediately. Can you get me a copy of your transcript and resume?”

The tension from her shoulders released slightly, but she was still staring at Aaron cautiously, weighing her options. “Yes,” she whispered finally, before repeating it louder and with more confidence. “I can email them to you right now. Thank you, Aaron. Really.”

Aaron smiled down at her. “It’s no problem. The FBI would be lucky to have you. And Y/N…” he added, making a lighthearted attempt at breaking through the tension. “I have a direct line to the director. If you wanted to sleep your way to the top, I would hope you would be more intelligent to shoot for something a little more prestigious than a temporary internship.”

Y/N laughed, her entire demeanor switching back to the more playful version of herself. “So does this mean I  _ don’t _ get to give you a thank you?” she asked, bringing her bottom lip in between her teeth.

Aaron raised his eyebrows and smirked, using one of his fingers to lift her chin up to him. “What did you have in mind?”

She raised herself on her toes just high enough to give him a quick peck on the lips before bouncing away from him. It would be cute if he didn’t see the smug grin that erupted across her face. “I make the best breakfast burritos you’ll ever have,” she told him matter-of-factly, throwing a cheeky smile his way.

Aaron chuckled, ignoring the way his chest tightened. “Do you make a habit of making breakfast for all the people who offer you jobs?”

She clicked her tongue as she rifled through his fridge, pulling out all the ingredients she would need. “Only the ones I  _ really _ like,” she mused. “And I figure we’re both going to need the nutrition if we’re going to get to those five rounds that you promised.”

Aaron’s chest tightened even more, and for the first time since he met Y/N, he wondered if he was in way over his head.

~~~~~~~

It had become almost a tradition of sorts in the BAU, guessing why Hotch had his office door closed. It started as nervous chatter - Was somebody after them? Was Strauss making another plan to rip apart the team? - but the team realized that the more ridiculous the guess, the easier it was to wait for an actual answer. So the BAU team, minus Rossi and Hotch, all sat around their desks, only half paying attention to their work as they talked amongst themselves. 

This morning, the prevailing theory was that, since Hotch got into work early, he decided to fall back asleep. His office was completely closed off to the rest of the bullpen, even going as far as shutting the blinds. They couldn’t blame him - he probably wasn’t getting much sleep at home being a single dad, and they knew that the brass gave him way more paperwork than one man should ever have to handle. Him taking a quick power nap in his offer was, in their eyes, completely deserved.

Which is why they were surprised when a familiar figure emerged from his office, shaking his hand quickly before making her way towards the glass doors, combing her fingers through her hair.

“Why was Y/N Y/L/N talking to Hotch?” Reid asked, sitting up slightly in his chair.

Garcia, who was sitting on the edge of Morgan’s desk, had a confused look on her face. “Who?” she asked, pouting only slightly. She didn’t like to be out of the loop.

Emily repeated the name back to her. “She’s the one who helped us on that hitman case, but I thought we closed that two weeks ago?”

Garcia’s confusion only increased. “If she’s talking to Hotch, does that mean it’s not closed? Why wouldn’t he tell all of us?”

Morgan shrugged, watching Y/N as she made her way across the bullpen. “I guess we’ll find out now, won’t we?” Morgan waved her over, and if she was surprised by it, she hid it well.

“Hey, Y/N,” JJ greeted, and the younger woman waved at the group. “It’s good to see you again. Is everything okay? You were in there for a while.”

Y/N nodded enthusiastically, a small blush rising onto her cheeks. “Yeah, everything’s great! That internship was required for me to be able to graduate this year, and since I helped with the investigation, the FBI was kind enough to offer me an intern position here. Unfortunately, the legal team director got swept up in meetings this morning, so Agent Hotchner went over the intake paperwork with me,” she explained, almost too casually. The words rolled off her tongue like they had been rehearsed.

“Well then, congrats and welcome to the FBI,” Emily said. “If you ever need anything, you know where to find us.”

“I am  _ always  _ looking for a lunch buddy,” Garcia interjected, “Especially when the rest of them are off on a case. Oh, and you should come out to drinks with us one night!”

Y/N chuckled and shoved her hands into her pockets. “Thank you, that sounds like fun. Oh, Dr. Reid, maybe I can take you up on that offer of a tour?” Spencer nodded, a little shocked that she had remembered that conversation. “Well, I should head down to the 3rd floor. Don’t want to be late on my first day. I’ll see you all around though.”

The team watched Y/N walk out the glass doors to the elevator, and as soon as she was out of earshot, the girls erupted in a fit of giggles.

Morgan and Reid shared a look of confusion. “Okay, Babygirl,” Morgan groaned. “What was that about? Inviting her out with us? You just met her.”

That only served to make Garcia laugh harder. “Some profiler you are,” she teased, before turning her attention back to Emily and JJ. “Okay, don’t worry, I will not do any sort of unethical digging, just normal social media snooping. I promise.” With that, Garcia made her way quickly back to her Bat Cave, an extra pep in her step.

Morgan shot the remaining two girls a questioning look. “Why is she snooping on some random intern?” he pressed.

Emily chuckled in disbelief. “Seriously? You couldn’t see it?”

“See what?” Morgan asked, frustration evident in his voice.

JJ looked back up at Hotch’s office, a knowing smile on her face. “Because that random intern, who,  _ remember, _ spent an entire interrogation flirting with Hotch, just left his office with smudged lipstick and a missing button on her shirt.”

Recognition flashed in Morgan’s eyes as he chuckled to himself, tapping his fingers on his desk. “Huh. Who knew Hotch still had it in him? My man, good for him.”

Reid looked at the rest of the profilers, his eyebrows scrunched together. “Wait, what happened?” he asked, still unable to put the pieces together. “Did I miss something?”

Morgan smirked and ruffled Reid’s hair. “We’ll explain it later, Pretty Boy. I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there is still a lot of this story that I have planned, we are nowhere near being done! Woohoo!
> 
> However, once this story reaches it's final stages, would y'all be interested in a prequel of sorts, where we could see what their relationship was like when Haley was still alive, pre-Foyet? Or would you rather me throw in flashback chapters within this story, so that we can get all the delicious pining and angst and backstory while still being rewarded with happy Hotch/Reader? Because I can almost guarantee you that a prequel will be a lot of angst and no happen ending lol. Let me know which you would prefer if you want either of those!
> 
> Love you all, stay safe!!


	8. Your Love's Whore

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is definitely not the best chapter I've ever written, but I wanted to make sure to get something out. Thank you for all of your input last chapter! Flashbacks will be separated and italicized.

_Don't you want to take time and get to love me?  
We could build a perfect world  
I got tricks I really want to show you  
I could be your perfect girl_   
_\- Wolf Alice, “Your Love's Whore"_

  
“Okay, I can’t deal with this anymore. I have to say something.”

You looked up from your textbook to see the disappointed stare of your best friend, Aly, from the other side of the bar. She worked as a bartender, so sometimes you would hang out with her while she was working, maybe do some homework, and she would give you drinks with the employee discount price.

The two of you had been best friends since you were in middle school. When your mom died and your dad went back to prison, you were originally supposed to be shipped off to live with an aunt in another state that you had never met before, but Aly’s parents decided to claim legal guardianship over you, allowing you to live with them. From then on, you and Aly had become inseparable, even following each other to college. 

You snorted softly and took a sip from your drink. “Oh boy, this should be interesting,” you said sarcastically, and Aly rolled her eyes as she tossed the bar towel over her shoulder.

“You are acting way too casual about the whole Aaron thing.” You groaned, but she didn’t give you a chance to speak up. “He just shows up out of the blue after two years, and you dive right back in, head first, and act like nothing changed? You’re not even going to ask him what happened?”

You sighed. You knew that this was going to be a conversation that Aly was going to have with you at some point, and you were actually a little surprised that it took her a full month before saying anything, but that didn’t mean you liked it. “Yeah, because the murder of his ex-wife and the attempted murder of his son makes great pillow talk. No, I haven’t talked to him about that.” You rolled your eyes as you finished the rest of your drink. “And I don’t need to. The only reason you’re making this a big deal is because you don’t like Aaron.”

She stared at you in disbelief. “Don’t like him? Babe, how can I have any opinion on him if I don’t know him? I didn’t even know that you were sleeping with him until you called me crying because you thought-”

“I really don’t want to have this conversation,” you cut her off, and you pushed your empty glass towards her, wordlessly asking for a refill. You didn’t want to go through those memories right now. Or ever, if you could help it. “I don’t need to know everything about his life. It’s not like we’re getting married.”

Aly raised an eyebrow at you as she started to make you another drink. “Maybe not, but do you want to? Do you want an actual relationship?”

“No!” you said, too quickly and too defensively, but it was true. You liked what you had with Aaron, all of the benefits and fun parts of dating somebody without any of the responsibilities. But you understood where Aly was coming from.

If there were such a thing as “Build-A-Boyfriend”, and if you were being completely honest with yourself, your ideal partner would probably be a lot like Aaron. More age appropriate perhaps, less baggage for sure, and most likely with a different job, one that didn’t slowly chip away at his soul until he became a shell of a man.

But somebody determined and focused like him. With a soft side like his, and the same dry sense of humor as him. A person you could talk to for hours, who sees you and pushes you towards greatness. Maybe even somebody who makes you feel special because they can only ever relax and be carefree around you. Somebody who just wants to do good in the world and who cares.

Somebody like that.

Aly opened her mouth to say something, but it quickly closed it as she looked at the entrance. “Damn, there’s a group coming in. Okay, I actually have to do my job now. But we will talk about this later.”

You started to tease her until you caught sight of the said group walking in. “Shit,” you hissed under your breath, turning your back towards the door and praying they didn’t see you. “We summoned them.”

Aly looked at you in confusion. “Y/N, what-”

“That’s Aaron and his team,” you whispered, although it didn’t matter much, “and _will you please stop staring_?”

A gasp left Aly’s mouth and, in true best friend fashion, she didn’t stop staring. Despite Penelope’s invitation a week earlier, you had been able to avoid going out with the BAU team. It wasn’t that you didn’t like them - you actually really liked being around them - but it would have made things way too complicated with Aaron. He compartmentalized even more than you. “Which one is he?” she asked excitedly, and you had to reach over the bar to get her to turn around.

“You’re going to draw so much attention to yourself,” you hissed, and the two of you started to frantically talk over each other.

“Because I want to know which one-”

“- Tell you later -”

“- have to at least take their order -”

“- Really don’t want to see them -”

“- Coming over here now -”

“Hey Y/N!”

You grimaced to yourself before turning around on the barstool, forcing a smile. Penelope was the one who greeted you, but the rest of the BAU had made their way to where you were sitting. The looks they were giving you unsettled you, like they all knew something you didn’t, but you decided to chalk it up to nervousness. Aaron, however, was standing in the back and looking about as mortified as you felt.

“Hey guys,” you said, stretching out each word. You weren’t drunk enough for this. “Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world…”

“Casablanca,” Spencer noted out loud. 

Aly smirked and leaned against the bar. “Y/N, are you going to introduce me to all of your FBI friends?”

You had to fight the urge to glare at her, because you knew what she was doing. She wanted you to introduce her to Aaron, but she was just going to have to wait. “Aly, this is the BAU team. BAU team, this is Aly.”

Aly pouted at you but surprisingly said nothing else. You weren’t sure if you were grateful for that or if it just made you more nervous.

Emily looked at the open textbook that was long forgotten next to you. “Are you studying at a bar?” she asked, amusement evident in her voice. “I thought only Reid did that.”

You shrugged and closed the textbook. “I _was_ studying, but I gave up on that about an hour ago,” you admitted. 

“Good!” Penelope said excitedly. “Because if you’re not studying, then you can join us!”

Your eyes flicked nervously to Aaron, whose face was completely unreadable. You wanted him to give you some sign of what he thought would be the best, but he just stared at you, stoic as ever. The conversation that you had with Aly was playing on repeat in your mind, making you feel sick. You didn’t care about Aaron’s past. You _couldn’t_ care.

“Oh, I don’t want to intrude,” you settled on.

“It’s no intrusion at all,” Rossi piped up, and you and Aaron both stiffened. Rossi knew about you and Aaron, so the fact that he was encouraging you to mingle with the rest of the group was a bad sign. “And besides, drinks are on me tonight.”

Aly laughed from behind the bar. “If that’s the case, then she is definitely joining you guys so that she can stop mooching off my employee discount without even tipping me.”

So just like that, it was settled. You grumbled something about always tipping as you grabbed your drink and your textbook before following the group to a large corner booth. You didn’t miss the smirks each of the team members was throwing your way, and you definitely noticed that they left the only open seat next to Aaron. The two of your exchanged tight-lipped smiles as you slid into the empty space, careful not to touch Aaron. This was partly because you wanted to keep a calm and collected exterior, even if the team did know about you and Aaron - which you had started to suspect.

It was also partly because the idea of being Aaron’s dirty little secret right in front of his coworkers was too tempting, and you already had 2 long island iced teas, so you did not trust your self-control.

“So Y/N,” JJ started, breaking you out of your thoughts. You had hoped, maybe naively, that they would just ignore you and let you observe for the night. “Does Aly go to law school with you?”

You laughed despite yourself and you shook your head. “God, no. Although, she did take the LSAT with me so that even if I totally bombed it, I wouldn’t have the worst score.”

“What did you get on it?” Spencer asked, and you saw Aaron perk up slightly at the question.

“A 174,” you beamed.

“Look at you go! You’re like our own personal Elle Woods!” Penelope praised, and your heart swelled at the use of the word “our”, like you were already a part of the group.

“I wish,” you chuckled. “But that brilliant bitch got a 179.”

A simultaneous “Who?” came from both Spencer and Aaron.

“From _Legally Blonde_?” you prompted, but were met with more confused stares. “The greatest lawyer movie of all time?” They shook their heads again. “Okay, you both need to watch it, it’s a classic. Miss Woods was quite literally the only reason I was able to get through my first year.”

Well, that and fucking Aaron every chance you got, but they didn’t need to know that. 

You heard a gasp come from Penelope. “We should do another movie night! We haven’t had one of those in a while.”

Emily laughed and nudged Penelope softly. “Do you not remember the fiasco we had last time we did a movie night? We almost burnt down Rossi’s house.”

Laughter erupted from the table as multiple parties started to talk over each other, and you were happy to slide into the background, making little quips when the conversation called for it. The most surprising part of the whole night was how easily you got along with the BAU group, and how much they seemed to like you. Less surprising, however, was how acutely aware you were of Aaron’s thigh, which was now pressed against your own.

Aaron had stayed completely silent since the time the team walked up to you, and you could only imagine what was going on in his head. This whole situation was probably a living nightmare for him, and you couldn’t say you blamed him. Your choice to keep Aaron a secret from your friends was just that - a personal choice. You didn’t want them to fuss over you or put delusions in your head of a future with Aaron. You wanted to be able to enjoy your privacy.

But the implications for Aaron were much more severe, especially now that you were actually working at the FBI. People would start to question his judgment, whether or not he was fit for his job. They would question if he had taken advantage of you or manipulated you, and that would all be before they even found out that the two of you were sleeping together years ago. He could very possibly be seen as just a high ranking government official who was sneaking around with a girl almost 20 years his junior.

In other words, it would look really, really bad for him. You downed the rest of your drink in one go.

Aaron raised his eyebrows as he watched your actions, his gaze heavy. His eyes ran up and down your body, and you could feel yourself start to overheat. He felt much closer than he was. Somewhere in the back of your mind, you noticed that the rest of the team had scattered among the bar - some playing pool, some ordering more drinks, and some in the bathroom - which left you and Aaron alone in the booth. There was enough room that he didn’t need to have his leg pressed up against you, and he definitely didn’t need to bring his hand down to your knee, but he did. 

“So, a 174? Impressive.”

“Mhm,” you mused, keeping your voice casual. “Does that surprise you?”

“Not at all,” he responded, no hesitation in his voice. 

His response didn’t surprise you much, but you preened at the compliment all the same. You were careful to only show people, especially Aaron, the parts of your intelligence that you could brag about, like your class rankings or debates on subjects you were an expert in, so that it looked like it came naturally to you. What he didn’t see was the countless hours spent in the library, and the many all nighters you pulled. You wanted to seem effortlessly successful.

Part of that came after your mom died. You didn’t want everybody fussing over you and treating you like you were breakable, so you quickly decided to show that you were independent. If you didn’t give people a reason to worry about you, they’d leave you alone. 

The other part of that came during law school, and you were self-aware enough to realize that it was probably because of Aaron, and how much he rubbed off on you. You wanted to be engaging like him, to be able to completely command a room without even saying a word like him. You wanted success like him. Before, people always seemed so surprised by your aspirations and made you feel like you were just wishing on stars when you wanted things. But Aaron nodded along with you, and let you debate with him just so that you could practice going against somebody smarter and more experienced than you. And it paid off, too. 

~~~~~~~

_You stared at the email on your phone, your cheeks sore from how much you were smiling. You had already told all of your friends, but their reaction wasn’t as satisfying as you wanted. They were ecstatic for you, but realistically, you only wanted the approval of one person._

_Your thumb hovered over Aaron’s contact in your phone, debating on whether or not to call him. This could probably be a text, but Aaron was so formal when texting, even when dirty texts were involved. Besides, you wanted to hear Aaron’s approval, and even more than that, you wanted his attention. Even if it was just for a minute or two, you wanted his attention in the middle of a weekday, something you never got._

_Before you could talk yourself out of it, you hit the call button and brought the phone up to your ear._

_“Aaron Hotchner,” came the greeting, formal as ever._

_“Aaron, hi,” you started, and you were happy that Aaron couldn’t see the way you were nervously tugging the hem of your shirt._

_There was a beat of silence. “Y/N,” he said, surprise evident in his voice. “Is everything okay?”_

_“Yeah, everything is great! I, uh…” You realized that you didn’t have a good explanation to give to Aaron as to why you were calling him while he was at work. “Is this a good time?”_

_You could hear light footsteps on the other side of the phone, followed by the soft click of a door closing. “That depends on the subject matter,” he mused, his voice lowering._

_All the nervousness you felt melted away. “I made law review!” you blurted excitedly. “I just got the email and I didn’t have anybody else to tell. And God knows you’ve helped edit my papers enough, so I figured I’d share this with you.”_

_You wished that you could have seen Aaron’s face. You wanted to know if he was smiling, or if he looked proud. In hindsight, telling him in person probably would have been more rewarding._

_“I knew you’d get it,” he told you sincerely. “Automatic or write on?”_

_“Automatic,” you told him proudly._

_“Congratulations, Y/N. That’s a big deal. I’m sure you’re going to celebrate tonight. It’s Bar Review night, right?”_

_You hummed to yourself, attempting to calm your nerves. You dropped your voice, adding a more seductive tone. “Actually… I was hoping that maybe I could be rewarded for all my hard work? Please?”_

_He hadn’t said no to any of your requests yet, and you doubted today would be any different._

_Aaron chuckled, low and dark. “Mhm, since you asked so nicely…” His voice trailed off, and you could practically hear him stiffen up. “But I can’t tonight.”_

_”Oh.” He didn't elaborate, and doesn’t have to. If it were for a case, he would have told you. When he didn’t say anything, that meant it was a Haley and Jack thing. Still, you couldn’t help but note the disappointment that bled into his words._

_“Are you busy this weekend?” he asked, his voice soft. “We could meet in Baltimore. Same hotel. I can make reservations now.”_

_For the second time that day, you smiled so wide that your cheeks hurt. Attention was what you wanted, and attention was what you got. “Baltimore sounds good. Send me the details.”_

~~~~~~~

You mindlessly stirred the ice in your empty glass with the straw, listening to the soft clinking. “What about you? What did you get on your LSAT?”

Aaron thought about it for a second. “A 176. I think.”

A bitter chuckle left your lips and you turned in your seat just enough so that you could face Aaron. You were so close to him that, even in the dark lighting of the bar, you could make out every feature on his face. “Christ, and here I was thinking I could out-lawyer you,” you teased.

Aaron took a sip of his drink - double scotch neat. “I’ve seen the way you like to argue with me. Don’t worry, I wouldn’t want to go up against you in court,” he scoffed. 

“Hm, yeah but you like it when I argue with you,” you pointed out, leaning in closer to him. “Because then you get to shut me up.”

Aaron set his drink down on the table, his face never betraying any sort of emotion. “Come over tonight,” he told you, his voice lowering. The hand that was on your knee slowly trailed up your thigh, his fingers leaving goosebumps in their wake.

You smirked, deciding to mess with him a little. “Presumptuous of you to assume I don’t already have plans after this.” You didn’t, and Aaron knew that. He somehow always knew. 

In spite of that, he decided to indulge your teasing. “Cancel them.” It wasn’t a suggestion, and he punctuated his demand by squeezing your thigh. “I can help you study later.”

That was all the convincing you needed. You slipped out of the booth, ready to pull him straight out of the bar, but his face gave you pause. “Meet me at my car in two minutes,” he told you firmly, and you nodded obediently and sat back down.

You watched him start to walk out of the bar, only to be stopped by Emily and Derek. You watched as the three of them talked, Hotch's whole body tensing. There was a lull in the conversation before the three of them looked over at you, Emily and Derek trying to hide their drunken smiles.

They knew. They had to know. It’s not like you and Aaron were being subtle. In some part of your subconscious, you were sure that they knew long before tonight, and that this was just a confirmation. Still, you didn’t know how Aaron was going to react. You thought that Aaron was going to deny it, or even end things with you right there. Besides that one office-sex slip up, Aaron had been so careful about keeping you a secret from his professional life, even going as far as asking you to not call his office phone. In a shocking turn of events, he just smiled and gave you a small nod before making his way towards the door.

Figuring that you didn’t need to wait the two minutes anymore, you started to head towards the exit, blushing as you went. You could feel everybody’s eyes on you the whole time, but when you looked around, none of them seemed to be judging you. If anything, they seemed… happy? You were just about to reach the doors when Penelope cut you off.

“Does this mean you’ll start having lunch with me in the Batcave?” she said excitedly, not even needing to preface her question. They _all_ knew.

“Whenever I get a chance,” you promised.

Penelope reached down to grab your hands, covering them both with hers. “Good! It can get lonely when they’re all off saving the world.”

“Hey Penelope,” you started, pursing your lips nervously. “Is this thing with Aaron and I… is it okay? I don’t want to make things weird for your team.”

Penelope gave you a sympathetic look and shook her head quickly, like even the very act of bringing it up made her sad. “Of course it’s okay! Hotch is happier than we’ve seen him in a long time, and that’s all we want for him. He’s a good guy who has just been through too much. But if he gives you any problems, you come straight to us. You’re one of us now.”

Then, without any warning, Penelope pulled you into the tightest hug you’ve ever gotten. You could smell her perfume, something floral and sweet. “Thank you,” you said as she let you go.

“Oh no, thank you,” she retorted, grinning. “Now you go have fun.”

You laughed and walked out of the bar, making your way to the parking lot. Part of you was still worried about Aaron’s reaction to knowing the secret was out.

But when you saw Aaron leaning against his car, and you saw his smile when he looked up to see you, all your fears were assuaged. “Who ambushed you?” he called from across the parking lot, his voice light.

“Penelope,” you admitted, and he nodded unsurprised as he opened the passenger side door for you.

You buckled your seatbelt and watched as Aaron made his way into the driver's seat and loosened his tie. “Are you okay with them knowing?” you asked nervously.

Aaron was quiet as he started the car, so quiet that you thought that maybe he didn’t even hear you. It wasn’t until the car pulled out of the parking lot that he spoke. “Yes,” he told you, and it truly seemed like he meant it. Then, as a joke, he added, “Although, I reserve the right to change my mind after seeing them at work tomorrow.” 

“What?” you teased. “You’re not going to spill all of the dirty details to your coworkers?”

Aaron laughed and fuck if that wasn’t the most beautiful sound you’ve ever heard. “I thought you needed to study.”

You shrugged and leaned over the center console just far enough to press a kiss to his jaw. “I do. So make it quick and dirty,” you purred into his ear, smirking as you watched his knuckles turn white from clenching the steering wheel. “Or you can get me off while I study?”

You thought back to what Aly had said about whether things changed between you and Aaron. On paper, everything had changed. There was no need for secrecy or sneaking around anymore. You wouldn’t need to travel an hour outside of the city just to be seen with each other in public. The unspoken rules were going to change, considering the two of you had broken pretty much all of them already. Aaron had changed, and so had you. It was impossible for it to be the same as it was two years ago.

But as you sat in the passenger’s seat of his car, Aaron grinning devilishly at you, you couldn’t help but think that at its core, nothing really changed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!! Make sure you all take care of yourselves, especially if you're from the US. Election night is scary and brings up a lot of anxiety. Drink water, do the things that make you feel safe and happy.


	9. Heart of Glass

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not me taking two weeks for a single update whoops.
> 
> This was not a part of the original plan, but I couldn't get it out of mind, so I had to write in here. When I said slow burn, I really meant it.

_ In between _

_ What I find is pleasing and I'm feeling fine _

_ Love is so confusing, there's no peace of mind _

_ If I fear I'm losing you it's just no good _

_ You teasing like you do _

_ \- Blondie, “Heart of Glass” _

You were on your couch doing homework when you got the call from Aaron, and you frowned in confusion when you saw his name flash across your cell phone screen. Aaron never called you while he was working, and you especially didn’t expect a call from him today. He was doing a custodial interview with an inmate sentenced to death somewhere in Virginia, and you figured prison didn’t have the greatest cell service.

“Hey there, jailbird,” you greeted.

“Very cute, Elvis,” Aaron joked, but it was half hearted. You could hear the exhaustion in his voice. “I need to ask you for a favor, and I want you to know that I wouldn’t be asking you if I had any other options.”

“Mhm, I love being the last choice,” you mused sarcastically. “You really know how to make a girl feel special, Aaron.”

Aaron elected to ignore your last comment. “The prison just went on lockdown, so I’m going to be stuck here for at least a few more hours,” he explained, and there was an unnatural nervousness to his voice. “And Jessica has to go deal with an emergency with her father.”

You frowned to yourself, unsure of where Aaron was going with his explanation, and even more unsure of who this Jessica person was. A pang of jealousy shot through you, but you quickly bottled  _ that _ feeling. 

Aaron took a moment to compose himself before continuing. “Would you be willing to watch Jack for a few hours? I know it’s not ideal, but it would just be for a little while until either I get out of here or somebody else from the BAU gets off of work. I would even be willing to compensate you for your time.”

Oh.

_ OH. _

Silence crackled through the phone as you took in his request, and you could practically feel Aaron’s nervousness. It shouldn’t have been as big of a deal as it was. It had been two months since you’ve been with Aaron, you slept over at his house enough, and you worked in the same building as him. It was pretty inevitable that  _ of course _ you were going to meet Jack at some point, but you always figured it would be with Aaron there to mediate. You had pictured that it would probably be accidental, maybe Jack would wake up early and would catch you sneaking out of Aaron’s house. Or you would be invited to one of Rossi’s famous dinners and the kids would be there and then there would be no questions asked. You definitely didn’t expect to babysit.

“Yeah, of course, I can watch him,” you said finally, and you heard Aaron let out a sigh of relief. “And you don’t have to pay me… or worry about finding a replacement. He can hang out with me for as long as you need.”

“Thank you,” Aaron told you, still sounding completely drained. “I will send your address to Jessica, and she will drop Jack off at your place in about half an hour. I really owe you, Y/N. I have to go talk to the warden now, but please call me if you need anything, okay? Bye.” Before you could even answer, Aaron hung up.

You took a deep breath as dread settled in the pit of your stomach. How hard would babysitting be,  _ really?  _ You’ve babysat before - Aly had a little brother who basically became your little brother. However, a weird part of you was nervous that Jack wouldn’t like you, which was ridiculous. It didn’t matter whether or not Jack liked you.

Right?

Deciding that you couldn’t just sit there and panic, you chose to use the time to tidy up your apartment, just to make it extra presentable. The organized mess that was your homework space was quickly arranged so that all of your notebooks and papers were in a neat pile. You took down the half empty tequila bottle from forever ago that was sitting on the top of your fridge and shoved it into a cabinet somewhere. The throw blanket that you had been wrapped up in was refolded and placed on the arm of your couch. You wanted to at least give the illusion that you were prepared to babysit Aaron’s son, and not completely freaking out inside.

Right on schedule, knocking came from your door, and you rushed to open it. You were greeted by a blonde woman, probably a few years younger than Aaron, who you assumed to be Jessica. Next to her was the elusive Jack, with his blonde hair and missing front tooth. You had seen a few photos of Jack in passing, hanging up around Aaron’s house and whatnot, but you never got a good look at the photos.

“Y/N?” Jessica asked cautiously, and you nodded slowly. “Hi, I’m Jessica, Jack’s aunt.”

Jack’s _aunt._ A million emotions hit you at once. Oh god, she was Haley’s _sister._ Your stomach started to feel queasy, and it took you a second to realize that it was guilt, although you weren’t quite sure what you felt guilty about. 

Logically, you knew Aaron had a life outside of you. Hell, you had slowly  _ become _ part of that outside life now that you were friends with his coworkers, but you really tried to avoid thinking about Aaron’s home life. When he wasn’t with you, it was out of sight, out of mind. He was his own individual entity.

Now you were face-to-face with just how insignificant you were in the grand scheme of Aaron’s life. The fact was that you were probably no more than a side storyline in his life, a character created just for Aaron’s own development. He had a life and a family that you barely knew about. There was evidence of his home life everywhere - the bins of toys at his house, drawings on his fridge, family photos in matching frames in the hallway, even a small jewelry box on his dresser that looked like it had been collecting dust for a few years - but you had gotten good at averting your eyes.

“Hi, yes, that’s me,” you replied, shaking Jessica’s hand. Then you bent down so you were closer to Jack’s height. “Hey dude, I’m Y/N,” you introduced, giving him a small wave.

Jessica took the backpack she was carrying and helped Jack slip it onto his shoulders. “Thank you again for doing this on such short notice. Aaron should have sent over my phone number if you need anything, but Jack’s a good kid. He just has some homework that he needs to get done,” she explained.

“It’s no problem,” you told her, giving her your best reassuring smile. “He’s in good hands here.”

Jessica smiled gratefully at you before kneeling down to say goodbye to Jack. You stood in the doorway awkwardly as you watched the interaction curiously. It was as normal as it could get, Jessica telling Jack to behave and that she loves him, but it also fascinated you, like you were watching a movie and all of the characters had popped out of the screen.

Jack gave his aunt a hug before she left, and the two of you stepped into your apartment. That same nervousness came back in full force. What kind of games did he like to play? You didn’t have any toys for him. What if you couldn’t help him with his homework? Do kids his age learn fractions yet, because you did  _ not _ remember fractions. What if-

“Woah!” came Jack’s voice, breaking you out of your spiraling. “Can I please sit on the bean bag chair?”

Well, Jack certainly wasn’t nervous, which offered you more relief than you thought it would. “Yeah, of course, you can. It’s my favorite place to do my homework.”

Jack flopped onto the bean bag chair, his tiny frame almost completely consumed by it. You could see the confusion growing on Jack’s face. “You have to do homework?” Jack asked.

“Yup,” you told him. “And I know you do, too, so we can do homework together.”

Jack jutted out his bottom lip in a pout. “Will I have to still do homework when I’m old?”

At that, you let out a genuine laugh, even if you were a little shocked. The kid had personality, you had to admit. “I’m not that old,” you halfheartedly protested, “And maybe. It depends on what you want to be when you grow up.”

“I want to be a superhero,” Jack said matter-of-factly. “Like Spiderman.”

You nodded, the movement playfully exaggerated. “Oh, well Spiderman is really smart. I’m sure he does a lot of homework, so you better get to work. Let me know if you need any help, okay?” You chuckled again at Jack’s increased pout, obviously disappointed in the fact that even superheroes had to focus on school. 

Jack reached into his backpack and pulled out a pencil and a brightly colored folder with papers sticking out of it every which way. He started on his worksheets, his eyebrows scrunched in concentration, and it hit you just how much he looked like Aaron. The blonde hair threw you off, but you had seen that exact look on Aaron’s face many times, eyebrows together and lips pursed ever so slightly.  _ Like father, like son. _ You had to resist the urge to audibly coo at the sight. You  _ were _ only human, after all.

You tore your eyes away from the boy and glanced over at your laptop, which was sitting open on your coffee table, the cursor blinking back at you teasingly, reminding you that you also had to get to work. You had essays to write and practice contracts to draft up. The two of you did your work in comfortable silence for a while, Jack occasionally asking you to help him read the instructions of his worksheet.

“Done!” Jack exclaimed proudly after a while, holding his packet of papers high in the air.

Just in time, too, because if you had to do any more criminal tax litigation work, you were going to pull out your hair from boredom. There was only so much corporate fraud you could read about in one sitting.

“With all of your homework?” you clarified, and he nodded so fast that he looked like a full-on bobblehead. “Good job, dude!”

“Did you finish your homework so that we can play?” he asked you.

“Yup, I’m all done,” you lied. Your paper wasn’t due for another week, anyway. “So what do you want to play?”

Jack tapped his finger on his chin as he thought about it. You were aware that you didn’t have much in the way of kid’s toys, but you had stuff to color or paint or play board games, and you were confident enough in your imagination to come up with a game if it came down to that. Jack looked around and suddenly his eyes got wide and he pointed to your Switch.

“Do you have Mario Kart?” he asked hopefully. “Can we play that?”

“That sounds like fun, let’s do that,” you told him, making your way to set up the console. “I’ll even let you be player one.”

Jack was practically bouncing up and down in his seat now. “I’m  _ really _ good at this game. I can even beat my uncle Dave!”

You laughed as the two of you picked your characters. Jack chose Yoshi, a solid choice, and you went with Toad. “You can beat your Uncle Dave? Wow, that’s impressive. I have to warn you, though, I’m also very good at this game. Do you think you can beat me?” you teased.

“Definitely,” Jack challenged, and the game began.

The two of you played for a little while, and Jack’s mind was blown when you told him about the shortcuts on each track. After about three cups and you telling him where every shortcut you knew was, the 7-year-old was starting to get antsy just sitting, so you decided to switch gears.

You brought out some leftover paints and canvases you had from a paint night with your friends, and you and Jack laid on the floor and did some painting, although you were not prepared for how messy it would get. Somehow, Jack ended up with his fingertips covered in blue paint, and you had a streak of green on your cheek from where you mindlessly brushed hair from out of your face. As you placed the artwork to the side to dry, Jack had already decided on the next game - the floor is lava.

Before you even realized it, three hours had passed and it was time to make dinner. Jack chose pizza, which you luckily already had in your freezer. The game was still going, but you and Jack agreed that the kitchen was the only safe place without lava, considering there were too many dangerous things in that vicinity.

Babysitting Jack was easier than you expected, and much more fun. Even in his more playful moments, Aaron was always a little bit guarded and on edge, so you had a hard time imagining what his child would be like. A weird part of you almost imagined a mini adult in a child-sized suit and a briefcase full of fruit snacks and crackers, as ridiculous as it sounded. But Jack was just like any other 7-year-old - goofy, a little loud, and excited about the world.

You wondered if Aaron was like that as a kid, or if that part of Jack’s personality came from his mom. Maybe Jack was a mini version of his mom. Now that you had gotten the tiniest taste of Aaron’s home life, you found yourself craving to know more, to see Aaron in dad-mode.

Selfishly, you also wanted Aaron to watch you interact with Jack, just to see his reaction. It was a gamble and you realized it. Best case scenario, Aaron would be able to breathe a little bit easier. There wouldn’t be that half second of awkward silence between the two of you every time he mentioned Jack’s name. That stupid guilt you felt so often would dissipate because, hey, you met Jack and now that was out of the way.

On the other hand, everything could come crashing down. Aaron could walk in, see you with Jack, and immediately regret his decision and regret you. It would solidify in both of your minds that you were no more than somebody he could call and fuck when he felt himself on the verge of breaking down. Any self-imposed importance you had placed on yourself in Aaron’s life, no matter how small it was (and it was pretty small), would be a lie. He had a shorter temper now than before, and maybe this would be the exact thing that would set him off.

You didn’t want that, of course, but you really did want to know what would happen, to see where you stood with him. Call it morbid curiosity.

You were pulling the pizza out of the oven when you heard the knock on the door. “Coming!” you called.

“Don’t touch the lava!” Jack reminded you from his spot on the coffee table, just as you were about to leave the kitchen. Your method of movement to and from the kitchen was the rolling chair from your desk and a broom so that you could push yourself where you needed to go, which you had to justify to Jack as being a lava boat.

You “rowed” yourself over the door and looked in the peephole. Aaron was on the other side, nervously rubbing his thumb over the rest of his fingers. It took some work, but you were able to open the door without falling off the chair.

“Hi. How was the jailhouse rock?” you greeted Aaron, referencing your earlier conversation, but your smile fell when you took in his appearance. His whole body was tensed up, like a rubberband about to snap. He didn’t have his tie or blazer on, and the cuffs of his shirt were undone. 

“Dad!” Jack shouted, waving excitedly.

“Hi, buddy.” Aaron smiled, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. He was scanning the room, studying the scene in front of him. Aaron’s expression slowly shifted to confusion as Jack bounded across your furniture to get closer to his dad. “Jack, what are you doing on the table?” Aaron’s eyes shifted to where you were, noticing for the first time that you were kneeling on a rolling chair, holding onto the broom like a trident. “And why do you two have paint on you?”

“The floor is lava,” you explained nonchalantly.

“And you’re going to get burned!” Jack pointed out.

You chuckled and swiveled your chair so that you could get a better look at Jack. “How about we give your dad a minute to find a spot, okay dude?” You turned back to Aaron, lowering your voice. “The kitchen is a safe zone, if you don’t want to have to crawl around on furniture.”

Aaron frowned, and you could see the wheels turning in his brain. “No, I should take Jack home anyways,” he finally said. “You’ve helped enough today and I don’t want to impose.”

“You’re not imposing,” you insisted. “Besides, we just made a pizza that I’m not going to be able to eat by myself. Come in, have dinner. You look like you need it.”

He really did. You were certain that he hadn’t eaten anything the entire time he was at the jail. He looked exhausted, too, and it was taking every bit of his energy to keep his usual stoic and stony composure.

Aaron wanted to argue, but instead, let out a resigned sigh. “Thank you. You, uh, said that the kitchen was a safe zone?”

“Mhm, and you might want to hurry because Jack is in it to win. Already tried to sabotage my chair boat.”

While Aaron’s face remained emotionless, his gaze softened as he stepped into your apartment. “Jack, did you have fun with Y/N?” he asked, making his way to the kitchen.

Jack hopped from the coffee table to the couch and onto a trail of pillows he had made. “Yeah! She taught me how to cheat in Mario Kart!” 

You rolled your way back to the kitchen, chuckling sheepishly. “Shortcuts aren’t cheating, it’s playing smart,” you defended. 

Jack just giggled and continued to animatedly tell Aaron about his day at school as you each started to dig into dinner. Well, Jack and you dug into the pizza, while Aaron took all off two bites and pushed his plate to the side. You had originally thought that it was the interview that caused Aaron’s tenseness, but you realized with a start that Aaron was completely focused on you. He was watching you curiously, like you had subtly changed your appearance and he couldn’t quite put his finger on what was different.

He was just intrigued by your interaction with Jack as you had been with Jack and Jessica’s interactions. You had thought that he was going to make a snap judgment and decide if he was ever going to want to see you again the second he saw you with Jack, but he was taking his time. He was profiling you.

“Hey Jack,” you interjected once he finished eating. “Your dad and I are going to do dishes, but I need you to do me a big favor. I can’t win Bowser’s Castle no matter how hard I try. Do you think you could do that race for me while we clean up?”

Aaron looked at you in confusion, but you kept your eyes on Jack, who was all too happy to have an excuse to get out of cleaning and go back to playing video games. He practically bounced back into the living room, leaving you and Aaron alone.

“Do you want something to drink?” you offered. Aaron was watching your every movement, studying you carefully. “I have tea, coffee… Irish coffee, if it’s that kind of night.” You added the last part as an afterthought, only partially joking.

The corner of Aaron’s mouth twitched upwards so subtly that if you weren’t looking for it, you wouldn’t have even noticed. “No thank you,” he answered formally.

You mindlessly traced circles on the tabletop with your finger, keeping your eyes downcast. You knew you couldn’t just outright ask what was on his mind, he’d never answer truthfully. “Do I want to know what that creep did to be put on death row?” you asked, keeping your voice as indifferent as possible..

Aaron shook his head. “I wouldn’t tell you even if you did,” he admitted and the two of you fell into silence again. It was the answer you had pretty much come to expect from him.

Despite the fact that, as a lawyer, you’d have to hear about all these awful things and see the evidence, Aaron tried to shield you from his work. He didn’t talk about cases, didn’t glamourize the work he did the way some younger agents would. In all the time you’ve known him, you could count the number of criminals you knew he took down on your fingers, and some of those were only because you learned about them in class. 

That was fine. You didn’t want Aaron to have to bring that to your bed, not when you were supposed to be his distraction from all that mess. And what a fun distraction you were.

Aaron looked at his watch, effectively ending the conversation. “We should go, it’s getting late. Thank you for watching Jack. And for dinner.”

You paused, debating your next move. “It’s no problem,” you said sincerely. “And if you need anything else from me… I’ll be awake for a while.” You let your offer hang in the air for a few moments, watching as Aaron seemed to be weighing options in his head, you just didn’t know what those options were.

You were just about to rescind your offer when he opened his mouth to speak. “Are you sure you don’t want any compensation?”

You waved off his offer. “I’m positive.”

Aaron shoved his hands in the pockets of his slacks. “Then let me buy you dinner sometime this week. It’s the least I can do.”

You paused, trying to keep your expression as neutral as possible. Aaron had never made an offer like this before, never took steps towards anything that could push this into something even remotely considered a relationship. It was easy to explain the constant sex.

You could even justify the lingering morning-afters or the nights spent hunched over your textbooks while Aaron wordlessly refilled your coffee cup without you having to even ask by claiming that it all happened organically. It’s not like the two of you planned to stay up and debate the lost history of the term “beyond a reasonable doubt”. It just sort of  _ happened,  _ and who were you to turn down free coffee?

Anything more would complicate the carefully curated system, and neither of you had the time or energy for complicated.

Despite every logical bone in your body screaming at you to walk away and leave while you were ahead, you couldn’t help the soft “Yeah, I’d really like that,” that slipped past your lips.

You could have sworn Aaron smiled at your answer, but he didn’t say anything more.

The two of you walked back to your living room in silence. “Alright buddy,” Aaron called, ruffling Jack’s hair. “It’s time for us to head home. Say thank you to Y/N.”

Jack pouted as he exited the game. “Can Y/N watch me again soon? Please? It was fun!”

“We’ll have to see, she might be busy,” Aaron mused, looking at you so that he could gauge your reaction. It was enough of an answer to not crush Jack’s hopes, but vague enough that it gave you room to deny the offer. He was letting you choose how much you wanted to be around Jack, if you wanted to be around him at all.

You grinned down at Jack and held out your hand for a high five, which he took as an invitation to try and slap your hand as hard as he could. How could you say no to him? “Of course I can watch you again. I’ll even have Legos next time.”

For the first time that night, Aaron gave you a real smile, one that you could actually see. It was small, but it was genuine. “Thank you again. Goodnight, Y/N,” he told you and Jack echoed the sentiment, waving at you as they walked out the door. 


	10. Nobody

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to have smut in it, but I wrote it after three Jack and Cokes so it kind of got away from me. Enjoy the pining and legal jargon, and then we'll have pure filth next chapter.
> 
> A casual reminder that Hotch and Y/N and way smarter than I actually am, so we are playing fast and loose with legal opinions. Also, Hotch says gay rights!!

_ Guess I'm a coward _

_ I just want to feel alright _

_ And I know no one will save me _

_ I just need someone to kiss _

_ Give me one good honest kiss _

_ And I'll be alright _

_ \- Mitski, “Nobody” _

  
  


Aaron had texted you two days later asking if you were free to do dinner that night, to which you responded with a casual “Sure!” and then promptly spent the rest of the day getting yourself ready and completely psyching yourself out. It was most definitely  _ not _ a date, something you had to remind Aly over and over again when she helped you pick out an outfit over video chat, but you were just as nervous as you would have been if it was a date. 

Everything you did in preparation was done with extra care so that you were ready for whatever the night brought. Every inch of your body was scrubbed and exfoliated until it was smooth to the touch. You did your nails and put on a face mask and kept your hair in curlers for the entire day. It sort of felt like you were getting ready for prom again, but this time with fewer Southern moms armed with cans of hairspray, and no shitty spray tan. Thank god.

Aaron was going to meet you at the restaurant once he got off work. You probably could have convinced him to pick you up and the two of you could have driven there together- he probably would have preferred that- but you were on the other side of town and logistically just made more sense. Besides, the thought of him picking you up and opening car doors for you was too couple-like for you. You took an Uber instead of your own car because even if you weren’t going to be arriving with Aaron, you were definitely planning on leaving with him.

Aaron was already waiting outside of the restaurant when you got there, and when you saw him, your breath caught in your throat and your heart rate skyrocketed. You had assumed he was going to be wearing his usual suit and tie ensemble that he wore every day to work, but he decided to ditch the tie and the blazer for the night, opting to leave the first few buttons of his shirt undone and his sleeves rolled up to his elbows.

“Wow, you look good.” The words tumbled out of your mouth before you even realized you were talking. Aaron’s face went hot, not used to such compliments, but he quickly composed himself. 

“Thank you. And you look…” Aaron’s eyes ran up and down your body slowly, taking in every inch, committing you to memory. You had settled on a light pink satin dress that went to about mid thigh and paired it with strappy heels. It was nice enough for dinner so that you wouldn’t get any weird looks from DC elitists and their wives, but form fitting and short enough to tease Aaron all night.

“Amazing,” Aaron finally said, and the softness in his voice surprised you. “You look amazing.”

You pressed your lips together, unable to hide the smile that was threatening to overtake your entire face. “Thank you,” you breathed.  _ Keep your cool, Y/N,  _ you scolded yourself. 

“Wait until you see what’s underneath the dress,” you added with a smirk, craving the reaction you knew it would elicit.

Or so you thought. Instead of warning you about what would happen if you teased him like you had hoped he was going to do, Aaron just smirked at you, like the thought of you dressing up for him was amusing and didn’t make him want to get his hands all over you right then and there.

No, Aaron just placed his hand on your lower back, almost too low to be considered appropriate in a public setting, and guided you into the restaurant.

You vaguely heard Aaron tell the hostess “Reservation for two. Last name Hotchner,” as you took in your surroundings. Even with the dim lighting, you could tell that it was definitely nicer than any restaurant you’d been to, and the thought made your heart flutter.

Aaron’s hand never left your back as the two of you followed the hostess to your table, which was back in a more secluded corner. Aaron pulled out your chair for you before taking his seat so that his back was towards the wall and he could see the entire room. An FBI agent never really was off the clock, apparently.

“I hope that this was an okay choice,” Aaron told you as he skimmed through the menu once the hostess left. “To be honest, I haven’t been here before.”

“This feels like a Rossi recommendation,” you mused, smiling to yourself.

“What gave it away, the string of Italian flags over the kitchen or the instrumental Dean Martin playing?” Aaron joked dryly.

You lowered your menu just enough to point at the wall on the opposite end of the room. “Actually, I’m just pretty sure that’s a signed photo of Rossi on their wall of celebrity visitors.”

Aaron’s head shot up to look where you were pointing, and sure enough, there was a photo of Rossi with somebody in a chef’s uniform, both of them grinning at the camera with their thumbs up. Aaron looked back over at you, his eyes meeting yours, and the two of you fell into a fit of quiet laughter, trying not to disturb any of the other patrons.

“Yeah, Dave recommended it to me a while back,” Aaron explained once the laughter had passed, but he still had the remnants of a smile on his face. “I never got around to coming though, until now.”

You went back to your menu, skimming it half heartedly and throwing glances Aaron’s way more often than not. “Well then, don’t I feel special?”

The waiter walked over to your table just then and took your drink orders. Aaron ordered his go-to drink, double scotch neat, while you chose to go with a glass of Pinot Grigio, which, after a fast Google search that morning, apparently went well with Italian. You rarely spent more than $15 on a bottle of wine, and never cared much for wine pairings, but you figured that you didn’t want to make a fool of yourself.

When the waiter came the second time with your drinks and ready to take your order, you let Aaron order for you. He looked at you surprised, but you just waved it off with a teasing “Surprise me, profiler.” The two of you had gotten take-out enough times for him to know essentially what you would like. Truth be told, you really just weren’t focused on the menu in front of you.

As he ordered, you gazed out the window next to you, which gave you a perfect view of the monuments in the distance, all lit up and sparkling in the night time. “You know, I’ve never actually been to the National Mall,” you mentioned, talking more to yourself than to Aaron.

Aaron raised an eyebrow at you and took a slow sip of his drink. “You’ve lived in D.C. for three years,” he pointed out plainly.

You tore your eyes away from the window to meet Aaron’s eyes. “I guess I’ve just never gotten around to it,” you shrugged. “It’s always crowded with tourists and the signage is terrible. And who goes to tourist traps in their own neighborhood? It’s tacky at best.”

“I’ve been told I make a good tour guide,” Aaron informed you, casually swirling his drink in his glass. He was confident and completely collected, and you found yourself growing envious of how easily he could hide his emotions.

You knew what he was insinuating, and the excitement hit you like a train, but you wanted to hear him actually offer it. Let him be the one to ask  _ you _ for something for once. You gave him a noncommittal hum.

After a few moments of deafening silence, Aaron spoke up again. “I could show you around sometime, if you want?”

You waited two beats before you answered, careful not to sound too eager. “It’s a date,” you confirmed, trying to keep your voice from shaking, and Aaron gave you an unreadable half-smile.

The two of you were trying very,  _ very _ hard to make casual conversation, to toe the line between friendly and flirty, but both of you were obviously withholding. Something had shifted between you and Aaron and you knew it, even if you couldn’t place exactly when it had happened. 

Maybe it was because Aaron was suddenly available, which put you in a dangerous position. Before, Aaron was always off limits in your mind. He was still in love and you were young enough to be making bad decisions, decisions like becoming some FBI agent’s rebound. But that’s all Aaron was - a bad decision. At the time, you had been so confident that you weren’t going to develop feelings for Aaron, and to your credit, at that point in your life, you  _ didn’t _ develop feelings.

Now, with Aaron in candlelight, you weren’t so sure anymore, and that terrified you.

“Are you still on law review?” Aaron asked, breaking you out of your thoughts. “How is that going?”

You grinned, sitting up a little taller at his question. This felt familiar. You knew how to talk about this with him. “Really good! I’m actually in the finishing stages of getting one of my notes published in our next volume. It’s going through one last round of edits.”

Aaron perked up, impressed and intrigued. “What is it on? Or do I need to wait to read it?”

He read one of your papers before, admitted to it on camera during the interrogation, but you hadn’t considered the idea that he would want to continue to read your work. It never crossed your mind that he was actively interested in your success. The thought gave you a surge of confidence. “The Supreme Court and the need for them to be more proactive when granting equal rights,” you explained.

Aaron nodded slowly as he picked at a piece of complimentary bread. “Interesting. I’m inclined to agree with you, but go on.”

“It’s simple,” you told him, ignoring the way his eyebrows raised in amusement. “Every time they’ve denied a group equal rights, they always end up admitting that they were wrong, apologizing, and granting them equal rights anyway. _Look at Lawrence v. Texas_ and the way they did a complete 180 on homosexuality. Justice Stevens admitted that the _Bowers v. Hardwick_ case twenty years earlier was a wrong precedent. But in the twenty or so years that it takes for them to stop jerking off to oppressive policies, people have their lives ruined.”

The corners of Aaron’s mouth quirked up in an entertained smile. “I  _ do _ agree with you,” he prefaced, and you braced yourself for the inevitable ‘but’. “But things are never that simple.”

He looked directly into your eyes when he said that, and you got the sinking feeling that he wasn’t just talking about the Supreme Court.

You took the bait anyway. “How so?”

“People are going to argue that the country might not be ready,” he pointed out, like it was obvious and  _ you _ were the one missing the point. As if you hadn’t thought of that already. As if this wasn’t  _ your fucking paper. _ “Are you prepared to deal with that backlash?”

“They’re the Supreme Court,” you spat, rolling your eyes. “They’re supposed to be the ones to take action and deal with the backlash. They’re not our kindergarten teacher, holding our hands while we learn to say please and thank you. There are always going to be people who say they ‘aren’t ready’-” You put air quotes around those two words, your tone mocking. “-but really that’s just an excuse for their bigotry.”

“That’s certainly an idealistic view of how it works,” Aaron scoffed.

You narrowed your eyes at Aaron and leaned forward in your chair, suddenly more invested in the conversation than you were with the dinner. You couldn’t deny the absolute rush it gave you, though. It was a lot like when you first met Aaron, debating with him on one of his old cases, except this time you were smarter and more prepared. You knew his tells, knew when he actually believed what he was saying and when he just wanted to press your buttons.

You also liked this version of Aaron, the Aaron who wore his confidence and intelligence on his sleeve. Being on the same team as Dr. Spencer Reid, child genius, it was easy to forget that Aaron was once a successful attorney with a private school education and smart as a whip.

“Saying the system should work for us doesn’t make me naive,” you said defensively. You were close to ranting now. “And the fact that you think it’s idealistic says more about  _ you _ than-” 

Your eyes snapped up to meet Aaron’s, who was looking at you expectantly and smiling. He was obviously charmed by you, liked it when you were a little  _ too _ fired up and bratty and talked back to him. He was never particularly passionate about his work as a prosecutor and felt much more at home at the BAU, but you loved the work you did and were proud of your accomplishments. He wanted to hear about them.

“No please, continue,” he told you, gesturing lazily in your direction. “What does it say about me?”

You were quiet as the waiter came with your food, placing it down gingerly in front of you and Aaron, and you used the time to decide your next move. You could continue what you were going to say, tell him that he’s just jaded, and risk genuinely pissing him off. Or you could flip the script on him, see how well he did when the roles were reversed.

You turned your focus to the food in front of you and put on a small pout. “No,” you told him flippantly. “You can read my paper when it’s published.”

Aaron took a bite of his food and chuckled harshly, no amusement evident in his voice. “Avoiding the question, nice. Has anybody ever told you that you could have a bright future in politics?”

You raised an eyebrow at him. “You hate politicians,” you reminded him, pointing your fork accusingly in his direction.

“No, I hate  _ politics,” _ he corrected. “There’s a difference.”

“You pedantic ass,” you scoffed, rolling your eyes.

Aaron smirked predatorily, like you walked directly into his trap, and leaned forward across the table, beckoning you to do the same with a ‘come here’ motion of his finger. You followed his directions wordlessly, which only seemed to encourage him.

“Do you want to try that again?” he hissed, his voice low.

You batted your eyes at him innocently. “Try what?” you asked, lifting your voice at the end in mock naivete. There was something so stereotypically  _ alpha male _ of him in the way that he would go absolutely feral whenever you played up the whole ‘younger and innocent’ thing.

Aaron, to his credit, looked relatively unphased, save for the way his pupils dilated, making his eyes look pitch black. “Usually, I love that smart mouth of yours, but even at this nice dinner, you’re still going to act like a fucking brat. Don’t think for a second that I won’t bend you over my knee, right here in front of everyone.”

You tried to sputter out a response, but Aaron didn’t even give you the chance. “Although I should have guessed that you would act out tonight, considering how slutty you dressed for me. Do you know how hard it was to not rip off your dress the second I laid eyes on you? Especially when you teased me with what’s underneath.”

You stayed quiet, not trusting what would come out of your mouth, and you shifted in your seat, something that Aaron caught notice of immediately. You were shocked that Aaron would be so explicit in a public setting, and it was taking your brain a while to catch up with what was happening. He had the upper hand, and both of you knew it, but you weren’t about to give him the last word.

Not wanting to give Aaron the satisfaction of knowing that his words had an effect on you, you reached across the table to grab his scotch glass and brought it to your lips, your eyes locked on his. You took a slow sip of his drink, and watched in sick satisfaction as his jaw clenched in frustration. If he said you were acting like a brat, then you would be on your worst behavior.

“Are you done yet with your little tirade?” you asked, setting his drink down back in front of him with performative boredom. Before you could bring your hand back to your side of the table, he grabbed it in his hand and ran his thumb over your knuckles.

Aaron’s eyes flashed dangerously, and you knew that he was absolutely  _ pissed.  _ “Sweetheart,” he started archly without a hint of affection. “I haven’t even started. Let’s see if you keep up that attitude when we’re alone, when I make you use that smart mouth for the only thing it’s good for.”

He pressed a kiss to the back of your hand, his eyes never leaving yours, but the action had no warmth to it. It was almost mocking, but it made you blush anyway. He released your hand and your skin burned where he had kissed you.

Like a light switch, Aaron was back to his stoic demeanor. He held out a forkful of his food. “Try this,” he ordered.

You gave him a girlish grin, your eyes twinkling mischievously. “What is it?”

“It’s good, trust me,” he insisted in lieu of an answer.

You hesitated before leaning forward and wrapping your lips teasingly around the fork, slowly pulling away. You closed your eyes and let out a soft moan as the flavors washed over your taste buds. You could practically feel Aaron’s burning gaze.

“God, that’s delicious,” you mumbled.

Aaron looked positively proud of himself. “I told you it was,” he said smugly as he leaned back in his chair, and you couldn’t help but giggle.

Aaron wasn’t sure what he had been thinking when he asked you to dinner the night before. It was uncharacteristically impulsive of him, and when you went silent after the question, he was almost certain that you were going to say no, probably out of fear of what dinner would mean.

It was a date in everything but name and Aaron was mature enough to admit to that, even if you weren’t. The two of you insisted on splitting hairs for everything else regarding your relationship, so he was certain that you were finding a million other ways to explain what the two of you were doing at a nice dinner together on a Friday night, looking for any explanation that wasn’t romantic in nature.

Which led Aaron to wonder what would happen  _ after _ dinner in the long run. He hadn’t been on a date since the divorce, and, at least during the times the two of you were sleeping together, you hadn’t gone on any dates, either. He wasn’t stupid, he studied behavior and he could tell that you were choosing each of your actions very carefully, as so to not disturb the dynamic the two of you had already created. 

It crossed his mind briefly that maybe you had solidified in your mind that this was just a thank you dinner, nothing more, and that was all you truly wanted it to be. Aaron would play the doting boyfriend for the night and you could get the chance to feel the thrill of a first date without any expectations. After you ate, the two of you would go back to his place, fuck, maybe drink some more, and go to bed. Aaron couldn’t blame you. If this had been before Foyet, or even just a few weeks earlier, he probably would have wanted the same thing, to follow the cycle.

And if that was all you wanted, that was what Aaron was going to give you, no questions or complaints. But a part of him, a part that he kept locked away and hidden from the rest of the world, realized that he was enjoying himself immensely, and maybe even wanted to go on a second date. And a third even. As many as you and time would permit.

Aaron hadn’t let himself want something for a very long time.

So he locked that want away, somewhere where it could never be used against him again, and instead gave you the rope, letting you decide what you wanted to do with it and where you wanted the night to go.

“How do you feel about dessert?” Aaron asked as the two of you finished your meals.

You finished the glass of wine you had been nursing all night. You weren’t a lightweight by any means, but you also knew that Aaron wouldn’t do anything with you if he suspected that you were even a little too intoxicated. “Depends on what you mean by dessert?” you purred, resting your elbows on the dinner table. “Because if it’s between Tiramisu and you taking me home, I’m going to choose you every time.”

Aaron wasn’t sure what to make of that and didn’t have time to reflect on it, not when you were biting your bottom lip and looking at him so desperately. He signaled for the check and handed the waiter his credit card immediately, not wanting to waste any time.

“What makes you think I’m going to fuck you?” Aaron asked, just as casually as he would if he were asking for the weather forecast. “Only good girls get fucked.”

You felt yourself slip into submission for Aaron easily. “I can be good for you,” you promised, your voice light and airy. “And I can take whatever punishment you have in mind for me,  _ please.” _

Aaron didn’t even bother to answer you, and you let out a small whimper. You wanted his attention, wanted him to want you. As soon as his card was returned to him, Aaron got out of his chair and offered his hand for you to take. You interlaced your fingers with his and decided that you liked being able to hold his hand in public, where anybody could see you. No more having to travel an hour outside of the city just to be near him.

You walked hand and hand with Aaron out of the restaurant and into the DC moonlight. Before you could make your way towards the valet booth, Aaron pulled you into him, your chest pressed against his. He released your hand so that he could wrap one arm around your waist and his other hand cupped the side of your face.

“Let me kiss you,” he mumbled softly, afraid that speaking any louder would ruin the moment, “Right here, in front of everybody.”

Your breath hitched in your throat. It was the first time that he had shown you actual, human emotions beyond sex.

“Okay,” you whispered, but you were unable to get the full word out before his lips were pressed against yours, pulling you as close as humanly possible.

Aaron wasted no time in deepening the kiss, and you sighed into his mouth. At that moment, you would have let Aaron do anything, say anything. He could ruin your life if he wanted to. So long as you had this kiss and this version of Aaron to remember, everything else would be okay. 

You could have stood on that sidewalk kissing Aaron Hotchner forever, but all too soon, he pulled away slowly, leaving both of you breathless. Aaron looked like he wanted to say something, maybe even wanted to be vulnerable with you for once, but fear overtook him and instead gave you a Cheshire cat smile.

“Don’t think for a second that I’ve forgotten about your little attitude problem from earlier.” Despite the threatening words, his tone was soft.

Unsure of when you’d get the chance to hold his hand again, you interlaced your fingers with his and slowly walked backwards to the valet booth. You kept your eyes on him, desperate to burn this moment into your memories, and relishing in the lightness you felt. “Then what are we waiting for, standing out here?”


	11. PILLOWTALK

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is like 90% poorly written smut, so if you're not comfortable with that or just want to skip to the plot, please feel free to do so!

_ I'm seeing the pain, seeing the pleasure _

_ Nobody but you, 'body but me _

_ 'Body but us, bodies together _

_ I love to hold you close, tonight and always _

_ \- ZAYN, “PILLOWTALK” _

You couldn’t get into Aaron’s car fast enough. The second he slid into the driver’s seat, you were already leaning over the center console to pull him in for a kiss. Aaron responded to your touch quickly and you could feel his lips curl into a smirk against your mouth as his hand snaked its way up your body to tangle in your hair. Right as your fingers started to fiddle with the buttons of Aaron’s shirt, he pulled you off him with a sharp tug of your hair, causing you to whine at the loss of contact.

“Seriously?” you pouted.

A smug smile formed on Aaron’s lips as he started the car. “For somebody so strong-willed,” he said casually, like he was just talking about the weather. “You really are an eager whore.”

A soft gasp left your lips as his words sent a shiver down your spine. “It’s not like we haven’t fucked in the backseat of this car before,” you offered, desperate for his hands on you.

Aaron started to back out of the parking spot, his hand on the back of your headrest. You shifted in your seat at the sight, the veins in his forearms and hands making you think of how nice they would look around your throat. “No, I’m going to take my time with you tonight,” he said lowly, his eyes meeting yours. “I want to see how pretty you look when you’re desperate for me to fuck you.”

Once he was out of the parking spot, Aaron took the hand that was on your headrest and placed it on your thigh, rubbing the exposed skin and slowly pushing the hem of your dress higher and higher.

You tried to shift in your seat in an attempt to force his hand higher, but Aaron’s hand stayed in exactly the same place, high enough to tease you, but too low to give you any sort of pleasure. The action caused your face to heat up, although you weren’t sure if it was from arousal or frustration. Probably both.

Fine, if he wasn’t going to do anything of his own volition, you’d just have to quite literally force his hand. “You know, Aaron Hotchner, you’re a lot of bark and no bite.”

You hid your satisfied smirk the best you could when you felt his grip on your thigh tighten almost painfully, his jaw clenched. Sure, you were playing with fire, but the more pissed he was now, the better payoff you’d have later. 

Keeping his eyes on the road, Aaron removed his hand from your thigh so that he could grip your jaw harshly. “Do you really think your bratty attitude is going to get you what you want?”

“Maybe. What if I asked  _ really nicely?”  _ you teased, your voice dripping with honey, before turning your head just enough to bring his thumb into your mouth. You swirled your tongue around his thumb, and you could hear Aaron’s sharp intake of breath. Y/N 1, Aaron 0.

At the next red light, Aaron slowly pulled his thumb out from in between your lips and forced you to look in his direction. “Then maybe, just maybe, I might  _ think _ about letting you come tonight. But as of right now, when we get to my house, you are just going to be a pretty little toy for me to use.”

All of the breath left your body, Aaron’s threat shooting arousal straight to your core. He brought his hand down to your thigh and roughly shoved up your dress so that his fingers could tease the edge of your lacy panties. It took every fiber of self-control to not move, hoping that your faux obedience would urge him to continue, but instead he ghosted the tips of his fingers over the lace fabric, giving you no pleasure.

Suddenly, he brushed a finger over the center of your covered folds. Even with biting down on your bottom lip, you let out a desperate whimper.

“Please…” you begged, gripping onto the sides of the car seat.

Aaron just chuckled as his eyes flickered between you and the road in front of him. “What happened to asking _really nicely?_ I was looking forward to hearing you beg like a needy slut,” he taunted, digging his fingers into your inner thigh, something that was undoubtedly going to leave bruises that he loved so much.

A soft groan fell from your lips, partially in frustration. “Please touch me, Aaron,” you breathed. “Please, I can be so good for you.”

Without hesitation, Aaron pushed your panties to the side and chuckled -  _ fucking chuckled  _ \- when he felt how wet you are. “I’ve barely touched you, and already you’re soaked. All for me.”

“All for you,” you agreed, trying to keep your breaths even as he slowly circled your clit.

You spread your legs apart to allow him easier access, and Aaron immediately took advantage of it. He slipped two fingers into you harshly, not giving you a chance to adjust as he curled his fingers, causing you to cry out.

You were practically trembling as you felt his fingers pumping in and out of you. His thumb pressed against your clit, rubbing circles right where you needed him. Right where he knew you were most responsive.

As he got closer to his house, Aaron’s pace quickened and your eyes started to flutter close, giving in to the pleasure Aaron was providing. “I’m so close,” you panted, feeling that familiar knot in your stomach. You ground against his hand the best you could. “Fuck, Aaron, I-”

He pulled his hand away from you before you could even finish your sentence, and you felt yourself clench around nothing, your orgasm ripped away from you. Your eyes shot open as you glared over at Aaron, who was smirking to himself.

“What the fuck?” you cried out, clenching your thighs together.

“You just asked for me to touch you,” he said smugly. “You didn’t say anything about letting you come.” 

You wanted to argue with him, but you couldn’t find the words. Especially not when he brought the fingers that he was using up to his mouth, sucking them clean. You let out a moan at the sight, wanting to keep that image in your mind for as long as possible.

You barely noticed as he pulled up to his apartment, more focused on the words spilling out of his mouth. “You taste so good, baby,” Aaron said. “All night, all I’ve been able to think about is how badly I want my head under that slutty dress of yours, in between your thighs, and eating you out until you  _ cry.” _

The second Aaron put his car in park and turned it off, you were making quick work on your seatbelt, trying to control your shaking hands. Your legs were still a little unstable from your denied orgasm, but all you could focus on at that moment was getting inside so that Aaron could make good on his fantasy.

As soon as the two of you got out of the car, Aaron’s hand grabbed yours tightly as he practically dragged you through the lobby of his apartment building and to the elevator. As soon as the elevator doors shut, his lips were on yours.

“Aaron, baby, I need you,” you muttered in between kisses, and he pulled you in closer to him, his hands roaming your body.

The two of you didn’t stop kissing, even as the elevator doors opened, but you were somehow able to stumble your way to his apartment. He pressed you against his front door roughly and you attached your lips to his neck, not caring if you were leaving bruises. You  _ wanted _ to mark him, to leave little reminders of you.

Aaron mumbled expletives under his breath as he fumbled with his keys. It was hard to focus on unlocking his front door when you had your hand tangled in his hair, tugging it in order to give you more access to his neck. 

  
  


Finally, he was able to unlock the door and the two of you tumbled inside. He pressed you back against the inside of the door, holding you in place by your throat. He squeezed just enough to elicit a gasp from you. Taking advantage of the situation, Aaron sucked your bottom lip between his, biting down softly as he pulled away from the kiss. You took in his appearance, which only served to turn you on even more.

Aaron’s normally styled hair was messy and falling into his eyes. He was breathing heavily and his shirt was already half untucked, even more buttons undone. His lips were swollen, and you could see a hint of your smudged lipstick on the corner of his mouth and down his neck. 

The best part, however, was the way he was looking at you, eyes full of lust. He never broke eye contact with you as he slowly undid his belt buckle with his free hand, letting it fall to the floor. “Punishment is going to look so pretty on you,” he murmured, tightening his grip on your throat, just to watch you squirm.

Aaron pulled you in by the throat so that his lips just barely brushed yours. “Bedroom, on your back, panties off,  _ now,”  _ he ordered.

“Yes, sir,” you whimpered and quickly did as you were told, almost tripping over your heels as you did. 

Aaron entered the room a few moments later, a smirk gracing his face. He had stripped himself of his clothes. “Look at how easily you go into submission for me,” he mused, running his hand up your leg. “I guess underneath it all, you really are just a needy whore.”

You propped yourself up on your elbows so you could see him. “I’m  _ your _ needy whore,” you corrected, and that was apparently the right thing to say. Aaron ran his hands up the insides of your thighs before suddenly pulling you so that you were at the edge of the bed. You let out a small yelp of surprise at the action, and you felt a sharp pull of  _ want _ spread through your body as he spread your legs apart.

Aaron shoved your dress up to your hips, but the roughness caused a tear to form up the side seam. You opened your mouth to make a snarky comment, but Aaron predicted it and cut you off by pushing a finger inside of you.

“I’ll buy you a new one,” he promised and pressed a kiss to the inside of your thigh. “And I’ll take you on another date and show off how beautiful you look.” He curled the finger inside you, causing your back to arch off the bed. “And then I’ll take you home and fuck you  _ senseless _ in it.” Aaron made eye contact with you as he spit directly onto your cunt.

_ “Fuck,”  _ you moaned, closing your eyes and throwing your head back. He licked up your pussy with one long stripe before he wrapped his lips around your clit. You want to tangle your hands in his hair, to grind yourself onto him, but you knew better. Your previous denied orgasm had you already desperate for release, but you also wanted to relish in the feeling of Aaron’s mouth pressed against your cunt, his tongue making its way through your folds.

Every one of his movements was carefully calculated and devastatingly effective in making you cry out for him. You gripped the bedsheets as tightly as possible, eyes squeezed shut, because you knew that if you were to look, you would be met with the view of Aaron between your thighs and watching your every reaction, and that would be entirely too much. You’d probably come on the spot.

Aaron added a second finger just as his tongue danced over your clit, and your whole body was shaking. You were a whimpering mess, and you could feel tears prick at the corners of your eyes. The need to come was overwhelming, but you knew you had to wait for Aaron’s permission.

Just as it was getting to be too much, right on the brink of your orgasm, Aaron pulled away with an obscenely wet noise and a dangerous glint in his eyes. He still had two fingers in you, but he was moving them achingly slow now so that it wasn’t doing anything more than just teasing you.

“Aaron,  _ please,”  _ you sobbed.

“Please what?” Aaron asked, entirely too innocently, considering you could see evidence of your arousal on his chin.

You sat up as best as you could. “If you can’t get me off,” you shot at him, annoyed at being denied your orgasm twice in one night. You weren't used to Aaron saying no to you. “I have a vibrator at home that can do just as good of a job.”

As soon as you said it, you knew it was a stupid move. Aaron’s eyes narrowed and he removed his fingers from you.

“Wait, I’m sorry, please, sir,” you begged, watching him carefully as he stood up.

He grabbed your hair and forcefully pulled you to a standing position. “You’ve been a mouthy brat all night, and yet you  _ still _ think you deserve to come?” he hissed, practically dragging you to the mirror. “You want to get fucked?  _ Fine.  _ But you’re not going to like it. Now I want you to watch yourself, see what a filthy whore you are.”

Aaron gripped the already ripped portion of your dress and tore it the rest of the way so that it was hanging off of you, giving him easier access to your body. You took a look at your appearance in the mirror, and you knew he was right. Your hair was a total mess and you had mascara tears running down your face. A flush of pink was radiating across your entire body, and you could barely keep your breath in control.

“Please fuck me,” you begged, all of your pride thrown out of the window. “Let me be your filthy whore. I need to feel your cock inside me, Aaron.”

Aaron released your hair and instead held you up by wrapping his hand around your throat. “Whatever you want,” was the only warning he gave before thrusting into you, causing you to cry out.

You forced yourself to keep your eyes open, watching in the mirror as your tits bounced with every thrust from Aaron. There was no gentleness to his movements, yet you let out a wantonly loud moan. This was what you had been wanting all night, for him to get angry and fuck you until you could barely talk.

“Maybe this will teach you some fucking  _ respect.”  _ Before you could ask what he meant, he brought his hand down onto your ass, making you clench around him. An embarrassingly loud moan escaped your lips, which only encouraged Aaron.

“Do you like it when I hurt you, hm baby?” he asked, each thrust making you feel like you were going to rip in half. “What do you think of my fucking bite now?”

You  _ knew _ that comment was going to come back and bite you in the ass.

You mumbled out something incoherent, but Aaron seemed to understand it enough as he pressed a kiss in between your shoulder blades. Even though you were supposed to be watching yourself in the mirror, every once in a while you would sneak a glance at Aaron. He seemed to be watching his dick thrust into you, and fuck if that wasn’t the hottest thing.

You could feel your orgasm approaching again, and you bit your lip so hard that you were sure it was going to split.

“Sir, please,” you panted, tears flowing freely now. “I need to… I can’t...”

Aaron slowed his thrusts slightly and loosened his grip on your throat. “Color, pretty baby?” he whispered, his voice soft and full of care.

You clenched around him again. “Green, just,  _ please  _ let me come,” you begged, not even caring how pathetic you sounded.

That dangerous glint returned to Aaron’s eyes. He pulled your head back by your hair. “Then you can, and you  _ will,”  _ he hissed. “Now shut the fuck up and take it like a good girl.”

He pressed your face into the mirror as he thrust harder into you, hitting the spot that he knew drove you crazy. His other hand snaked around your body to thumb at your clit. 

“You’re so fucking perfect like this,” Aaron groaned. “So obedient and needy. I love-” He pressed you further into the mirror. “Love fucking you, love hearing your pathetic little whines as I fuck the attitude out of you.”

Your whole body was shaking, and you were sure that your knees would have completely given out if it wasn’t for Aaron holding you up. His movements started to get more erratic, too, so he had to know that you were  _ this fucking close. _

He attached his lips to your shoulder, biting down just hard enough to leave you with a bruise. “If you want to come at all tonight,” he whispered, “Then you’re going to come all over my cock, right  _ now.” _

Your body responded to his command, and your orgasm tore through you like a fucking earthquake. You shouted out Aaron’s name as you came, and he held your shuttering body against him, muttering praises into your ear. 

He slowed down his movements in order to make sure every thrust was as deep as possible. “You take my cock so good, baby. Do you want me to fill you with my cum? Leave you dripping all night?”

Overstimulated, all you could do was nod and whimper out something resembling a “please sir”.

Aaron smirked and pressed himself as deep into you as he possibly could. “Too fucking bad.”

_ “Huh?” _

It wasn’t the most eloquent of moments from you, your face pressed against a mirror, dress torn, and tears streaming down your face, but you were having a hard time processing what Aaron was saying.

Aaron watched as he slowly pulled his dick out of you, admiring how it glistened with your arousal. He took in the view for a moment before returning his eyes back to you.

“Get on your knees, slut,” he ordered, letting go of you.

Even if you wanted to stay standing, you couldn’t. Your legs practically gave out from under you as you collapsed to your knees. Aaron cupped your cheek softly as he searched your expression to make sure you were still okay.

You were  _ more _ than okay. You wanted to take him into your mouth, to taste your own arousal on him. You were completely and absolutely devoted to him when he was like this.

You gave him a soft nod, a signal that he could continue on however he wanted.

Any hesitation left Aaron and he gripped your face hard enough to force your mouth open. “I’m going to come in that bratty little mouth of yours so that next time you want to have an attitude with me, maybe you’ll think twice about it.”

You kept your mouth open obediently as you looked up at him through your eyelashes, giving him your best innocent look before taking him into your mouth. You forced yourself to relax as Aaron placed a hand on the back of your head, slowly guiding the pace and giving you a chance to adjust.

You hummed around his cock, the vibrations shooting through Aaron’s body, as a signal that you were good to continue. The hand in your hair tightened as he began to fuck your mouth. He let his head fall back with a moan. He was already close when he was fucking you, so he knew this wouldn’t take much longer.

Spit dripped down your chin and you could feel yourself gag every time his tip touched the back of your throat. “You -  _ fuck, baby -  _ look so good, choking on my cock,” he groaned through shaky breaths. “So pretty on your knees for me. I can’t wait to see your mouth full of my cum.”

You moaned the best you could around his dick, and that’s what sent him over the edge. Seconds later, you felt his dick twitch as he came in your mouth and you waited there until he was done, wanting to make sure you got every last drop. When he pulled out of your mouth, you made sure to hold your cum on your tongue, making a show out of the whole thing.

He hooked his finger under your chin and bent down so that he was eye to eye with you. “Swallow,” he ordered, and you did exactly that, letting out a performative moan at the action.

“Y/N,” Aaron whispered as he moved his hand to stroke your cheek, wiping away a few stray tears. “You did so good, baby.”

He helped you off your knees and guided you to the bed so that he could hold you and stroke your hair, mumbling how proud he was of you. All you could do for a few minutes as you came down from your hair was bury your face in his neck, your whole body shaking.

“Are you okay?” he asked, his voice full of care and concern.

“Mhm,” you said, but it was muffled against his skin. “I’m so okay. I just need to… Sit here for a second.”

So you did. Aaron held you close to him, making sure to keep you as warm as possible. Every once in a while, he would drop a kiss onto the top of your head.

“You deserve to be taken on nice dates all the time,” you heard him whisper after a few minutes, so softly that he could have been talking to himself. “You deserve to be with somebody who adores and worships you and recognizes how special you are. So you can have the future life you dream about.”

You pulled away from Aaron just enough to look at him, and he looked shocked that you could hear him. You didn’t say anything in response - you didn’t have to. You both knew what went unspoken. So instead, you kissed him softly and let yourself live in your delusion for a few moments longer.

“I should go shower,” you mumbled against his lips, not quite ready to let go of him yet.

“Are you going to be okay alone?” he asked, and your heart swelled.

“Mhm. I’m just going to rinse off. You relax.” You tore yourself away from Aaron and made your way towards his bathroom.

Aaron slipped on a pair of pajama pants as his exhaustion hit him like a truck. He got under the covers and laid back in bed, his eyes getting heavier with every passing minute.

He was half asleep when Aaron heard a chime of a cell phone. He  _ really _ didn’t want to check, but he knew that there was every chance it could be work. With a groan, he blindly reached over to the side table, grabbing whichever phone his hand touched first.

Squinting at the bright light of the screen, it took him a few seconds to recognize that he had accidentally grabbed your phone, which thankfully meant he didn’t have to go into work right then. He was about to set the phone back down when he noticed the notification that had popped up, and it immediately woke him up.

He sat up a little bit as he narrowed his eyes in confusion. It was at that moment you walked back into the room, your hair up in a bun and wearing a satin pajama set, blissfully unaware of what was going on in his mind.

“Oh, Aaron, you’re almost out of-” You cut yourself off when you saw the look on his face. You frowned. “What?”

Aaron glanced at your phone again before looking back at you. “Why do you have an alert set up for the FBI Memorial website?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whew okay this was a LOT. Shit goes down next chapter and we're gonna learn more about what happened in those two lost years.
> 
> Anyways, thank you so much for all of the love and support you have given this story! It means the world that you all are enjoying reading this as much as I am enjoying writing it!


	12. Georgia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is way angstier than originally planned, and you can blame the new Taylor Swift album for that.

_ I never should have told you _

_ I never should have let you see inside _

_ Don't want it troubling in your mind _

_ Won't you let it be _

_ \- Vance Joy, “Georgia” _

**_Two Years Earlier_ **

You tapped your foot nervously as you scanned the park area, looking for any sign of Aaron. He had called you from a  _ payphone _ of all things that morning and told you that he needed to meet with you and it was urgent. So you skipped class that day and made the hour-long drive out to Baltimore, every worst case scenario running through your head.

Finally, you spotted him, and his appearance made your heart sink. He was dressed casually instead of his normal work clothes, which was already the first warning sign, and he looked like he hadn’t slept in weeks. When he sat down on the bench next to you, you could see him wince in pain from the movement, although you had no idea what was causing it.

“Y/N, thank you for meeting me on such short notice.” His voice was so cold, so professional, and it only worried you even more.

“What the hell is this about?” you pressed, maybe a little  _ too _ harshly. “The last time I heard from you was two weeks ago when you said you were going to be in Canada for a case, and then just… radio silence? Did you get hurt or-?”

Aaron took a grounding breath, his face never betraying any emotion. “We can’t see each other anymore.”

You blinked a few times as you stared at him incredulously. “Okay…” you said slowly, still confused. You knew that one day this fling between you and Aaron would come to an end, you just never thought he’d make such a big deal out of it. “So you dragged me out here in the middle of a day on Wednesday to tell me this? That could have been a text or a phone call or literally anything else.”

Aaron opened his mouth to say something, and then promptly shut it, trying to find the right words to explain everything that was going on. Finally, he decided on taking the professional, FBI Agent route. “It’s a bit more complicated than that. There is a serial killer who is going after Haley and Jack and I,” he explained, trying his best not to get choked up. “I need to put all of my focus on this case.”

“Oh God… of course,” you nodded, your voice lowering to a whisper. There was no point in whispering, but you couldn’t speak louder even if you wanted to.

Aaron stayed quiet for a few moments, and the only sound was the gentle whistle of the wind through the trees. “You won’t be able to contact me,” he explained. “And you’re going to need to delete any evidence you have that would allude to our... relationship.”

A chill ran down your spine as ice flooded your veins and paralyzed you. “Wait, why? Am I…” Your voice cracked as you spoke. “Am I gonna be safe?”

Aaron’s gaze softened as he looked at you. “Right now, I have no reason to believe that he even knows you exist. And I would like to keep it that way because if he thinks he has a way to get information on me, he will exploit it. I’m not going to give him another victim.”

“Am I going to be safe?” you repeated. Maybe it was selfish of you to focus on yourself, but you were too familiar with this panic that was spreading inside you. It was the same fear that had suffocated you when you were 14 years old, hiding in your mom’s closet and watching through the slats of the door as your dad shook his gun in her face, screaming about revenge.

“Yes. With these precautions and as long as you remain hypervigilant, you should be fine. He’s made it very clear that his target-” You watched as Aaron’s usual strong composure cracked just slightly as his eyes started to water. “-his target is Haley and Jack. And once he has his mind set on something…”

Aaron trailed off and you reached over to give his hand a light squeeze. You let out a soft sigh of relief for your own safety, but it was quickly followed by disgust. How could you feel relieved knowing that Aaron’s family was in danger?

“I’m so sorry, Aaron. Are you okay?” It was a stupid question, of course he wasn’t okay, but it was the only thing you could think to say. Besides, you knew he wouldn’t be honest with anybody else, but maybe you could coerce it out of him. Focus on helping Aaron, on healing him. That’s what he kept you around for, right? You could be that healing for him one last time.

Aaron clenched and unclenched his free hand, not meeting your eyes. “I have to be.”

“That’s not an answer.” He finally looked up at you, and you could see the mental and emotional exhaustion in his eyes, like he had resigned himself to his fate. Still holding his hand, you gently rubbed your thumb over his fingertips, as a reminder that he had a friend in you, no matter how unconventional it may be.

“You still love Haley, don’t you?”

Aaron took a shaky breath. “I do,” he whispered. “And I don’t know if I’ll ever get the chance to tell her. I don’t even know where she is right now.” Seeing the look of fear on your face, Aaron quickly shook his head. “Not like that. Her and Jack are currently in witness protection and I can’t have any information or contact with them.”

You nodded in understanding and forced the tiniest smile you could muster on your face. “You’re a good agent and an even better dad. You’re going to get him.” You bumped Aaron’s shoulder lightly with yours. It was supposed to be playful, but even the slight jostle made him hiss in pain. “I sure as hell wouldn’t bet against you.”

Aaron gave your hand a soft squeeze before letting go. He cleared his throat and put on his emotionless mask again. “I should go now. I have work to do.”

You smiled at Aaron, wanting to give him at least one more second in time where he didn’t have to have the weight of the world on his shoulders. “Then I guess this is goodbye, Aaron Hotchner. And can I just say that I am really glad I met you? I’d like to think I’m a better person because of it.”

The corners of Aaron’s mouth quirked up in a small smile. It wasn’t much, but it was a real smile, something he probably hadn’t done in a while. “Me, too,” he agreed as he stood up from the bench. “Thank you for… everything. Goodbye, Y/N.”

You watched him walk away, but there was still a nagging feeling in your chest.

“Hey Aaron!” you called out, and he immediately turned around, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “Once you catch this guy and it’s all over…” You wrung your hands together nervously. “If you ever need somebody to help you pick up those broken pieces again or you want some lively debate or even just… if you want to let me know that you’re alive… Give me a call?”

Aaron let himself take in the image of you sitting on the park bench, the wind whipping your hair. “I will,” he called back.

**_Present Day - Two Years Later_ **

_ “Why do you have an alert set up for the FBI Memorial website?” _

You snatched your cell phone out of Aaron’s hands before taking two steps away from the bed. “You went through my fucking phone?” you hissed.

“No, I didn’t-”

You cut him off. “I mean, I always knew it was a possibility because of the whole FBI thing, but I thought you would have at least had the decency to hack it like a normal agent instead of sneaking through it like a 16-year-old girl!”

_ “No I didn’t,  _ listen to me,” he repeated, more forcefully this time. He was using his Unit Chief voice on you, and you could feel yourself shrink under the intensity of his tone. “I was half asleep and thought it was my phone when I saw the notification. Now don’t make me ask again.”

You shifted your weight back and forth on your heels, unsure of what to say. Now that you were back with Aaron, you had forgotten all about the alerts you had set up, and admitting to it now would just lead to a conversation that neither of you was ready to have.

This should have been expected, though. The night had gone by  _ too _ well, so of course, something had to ruin it. It was always two steps forward and one step back with you and Aaron.

“I, uh… You never called?” you said, although it came out as more of a question.

It took a second for the realization to cross Aaron’s face. After everything that had happened with Foyet and having to be strong for Jack, he had completely forgotten about his promise to you, especially when he was so confident that you would be safe.

Which, in his defense, you  _ were _ safe. He had years of experience, and he wouldn’t have just thrown you to the wolves defenseless. He knew that. It had just never crossed his mind that maybe you didn’t know that.

“That still doesn’t explain why you’re keeping track of dead agents,” Aaron replied curtly.

Uncomfortable with the weight of Aaron’s stare, you crossed your arms in front of yourself as a sort of self-hug, trying to cover up the fact that you were only in pajama shorts and a tank top. You were too open, too vulnerable. “I don’t know, I guess this was the only way I could think of to keep tabs on you and, uh… and the case you were on. It sounds fucked up, but I figured that if you were alive, then you were probably still working the case and the guy was out there, and if you weren’t…”

Your eyes bounced around the room, looking anywhere Aaron wasn’t. That familiar feeling of anxiety bubbled up inside of you, your mind telling you to run as far and as fast as you could. You were withholding your words and giving vague answers, you knew that, but you were worried that the second you started to be honest, all of those terrifying and gross feelings that you had desperately tried to push down would spill out.

“Then it was over. He either killed me or had no reason to keep chasing me,” Aaron finished, his voice cold and professional. You watched as his iron defenses immediately went back up again. “It’s smart. But why not just put a Google Alert on my name?”

You shrugged as you wrapped your arms tighter around yourself. Your mouth was dry, as if you had just swallowed cotton. “I respect your privacy when it comes to your work. If you wanted to tell me about your job, you would. You don’t owe me any stories. Besides, I uh…” You were fidgeting now, unable to stop the show of nervous energy. “You work a lot of cases. I didn’t want to assume you got the guy when you didn’t. And I figured that a Google Alert on you would be pretty suspicious.”

Suddenly, everything started making much more sense to Aaron, all of the little changes he had noticed about you. The extra locks you had put on the door to your apartment. The practiced smiles and performative ease mixed with careful conversation. Your non-answers whenever Aaron asked what you had been up to in the time he hadn’t seen you. The constant reminders you had been giving to both Aaron and yourself that this most definitely wasn’t anything romantic, keeping yourself at a safe distance away from him to protect yourself.

He had prepared for you to ask him what happened with Foyet, but to Aaron’s surprise, you hadn’t said anything about it since you first learned about Haley’s passing all those weeks ago in the interrogation room. In fact, it was like you were consciously going out of your way to avoid stumbling onto that topic. And now he knew why, although, for a profiler of his status, Aaron probably should have figured it out sooner.

“You were scared.” It wasn’t a question.

“I wasn’t… I don’t think  _ scared _ is the right word to use. I know you said I wasn’t a target but can you blame me?” you shrugged, trying to mask the bitterness that was slowly seeping into your words. It wasn’t Aaron’s fault, logically you knew that. He had no choice. “I was overwhelmed more than anything. I kind of had a bomb dropped on me and then was left to deal with it by myself. I mean…  _ shit,  _ it’s not like I could tell anybody what was going on. I was 23 years old and alone.”

Aaron’s frown deepened as he sat up in the bed. “You never told me any of this.”

“What was I supposed to say?” you snapped, your tone harsher than intended. You took a deep breath, tried to ground yourself the best you could. “The last thing you need is somebody else to make you feel guilty for something that was out of your control. I coped. Installed an extra lock and didn’t leave with bars with strangers. And I’m fine now, so…”

After your mom died, you were forced into therapy to help you deal with what had happened, and your therapist had warned you that the anxiety from being in a traumatic situation wasn’t just going to go away overnight. That healing wasn’t linear and even the most trivial things could trigger your body into panic mode. Surely another killer being on your radar would count as a trigger.

So your brain went into survival mode, and it wasn’t just one extra lock and stranger danger. It was spending weeks at a time at Aly’s so that you wouldn't have to be in an empty apartment. It was reorganizing your school schedule so that you didn’t have to take any night classes. It was always being the designated driver the few times you would go out with your friends because you didn’t want to risk lowering your inhibitions. It was refusing to meet new people because the murderer could have been anybody and you wouldn’t have known any different.

But Aaron didn’t need to know all that.

Aaron kept his eyes trained on you - focused and intense. There was no doubt that he was unsatisfied with your answer. He knew that you were withholding, it was foolish to try and lie to him, but he knew just as well as you that continuing this conversation was just going to send you both spiraling. 

“I really am fine,” you assured him, although that wasn’t quite true. To your credit, however, you probably  _ would  _ have told him if you knew why you weren’t fine. You knew that something was bothering you, something more than just fear, but you had shoved it down so far that you just couldn’t put a finger on what it was.

“Then why didn’t you say anything?” Aaron pressed back, and  _ god,  _ wasn’t that the 10 million dollar question.

Why didn’t you say anything? Why weren’t you getting angry? Why were you the one being interrogated when Aaron was the one who left you completely defenseless, without giving you so much as a name or even a fucking  _ picture _ of the guy who may or may not have gone after you?

“Because it was fucking  _ exhausting _ having to look over my shoulder for some invisible boogeyman for two years!” Something inside of you snapped and you let all of the anger and frustration from being left in the dark spill out. Aaron’s face morphed into something unreadable. “I’m finally at a point where I can breathe again and live my life like normal. And it’s not like talking about it would change anything. The past is the past and I just wanna move on from it.”

It was selfish to center this conversation around you, and you knew it. You weren’t entitled to Aaron’s trauma. You suddenly felt very,  _ very _ small, and you could feel your heart racing.

“Two years…” Aaron repeated softly to himself. “Why two years?”

You arched an eyebrow at Aaron, trying to look confident in yourself as dread settled in the pit of your stomach. You were chewing on your bottom lip so hard that you surely thought it was going to split. Warning bells were going off in the back of your mind, telling you to drop the conversation right now before you heard something you didn’t want to hear.

Still, you’d gotten this far, so the least you deserved was some answers. “Was two years too long?” you challenged. “Because, until I got dragged into that stupid interrogation room and saw you again, I lived under the assumption that you were still being chased after, which obviously you weren’t. So how long did it take?”

Aaron wasn’t stupid, he knew the underlying question.  _ How long did you live in fear when you didn't have to? How much time was wasted? _

“Five months,” Aaron informed you, any trace of emotion gone from his voice. He could hide his guilt under his professionalism. You usually appreciated his clinical approach to things, but now it just felt cruel. “From the time I told you, it took about five months.”

You recognized the tightness in your throat as a sign that you wanted to cry. It wasn’t out of sadness, and even if it was, you sure as hell weren’t about to do that in front of Aaron. It was just  _ frustration.  _ Frustration at your own overreaction. Frustration that there was nobody to really blame.

The two of you stayed dangerously still as the reality of the situation set in. Maybe if you hadn’t been so  _ fucking _ dramatic two years ago, if you had just trusted him when he said you’d be okay, then none of this would have happened. You would have been able to just enjoy your night with Aaron. But now that wasn’t an option.

“I should have reached out.” Aaron broke the silence first, and you had never wished for a time machine more than at that moment. The stoicism that he wore like a second skin was stripped away, leaving him open and vulnerable, and you couldn’t help but think that it was your fault. “And I understand if you’re angry at me.”

Despite yourself, you shook your head. “I’m not angry at you,” you whispered, stumbling over the words like cracks in the sidewalk. “You went through hell and I’m sure the last thing on your mind was some girl you barely knew, not when your life was falling apart. I get it, I  _ do. _ It’s just a lot to take in. And I guess what I don’t understand was why you couldn’t tell me who this man was? His name or a picture or anything identifying, just so I wouldn’t be afraid of every stranger.”

For the first time that night, Aaron was unable to look at you. His gaze lowered so that he was staring at the bedsheets. The truth was that he didn’t have a good answer to that question. He had been so focused on Haley and Jack and getting them to safety that he barely had a thought to spare for anything else. Moreover, he wanted to spare you from having to know all the details, to believe that ignorance truly was bliss and that you were better off staying in the dark.

Yeah, that plan really backfired. Aaron thought about Stanley Howard, the man who was killing people by exposing them to their biggest fears. He had told Aaron that Aaron’s biggest fear was that he couldn’t save everybody. Maybe he was right. Maybe Aaron really couldn’t save  _ anyone. _

“I didn’t want to drag you into it,” he admitted as guilt flooded him. You were now another person he had hurt. “I thought you would be better off if it didn’t have weigh on your mind. Evidently, I was wrong. And I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. You couldn’t have known how I’d react,” you told him and you busied yourself by picking at a loose thread on your pajama shorts. “And even if you did, you didn’t owe me anything. I didn’t ask you to choose me or make me a priority or whatever. And I’m still not asking you to do that. I’m fine just being the person you turn to and sleep with when life gets hard. No expectations. No strings attached.”

Aaron frowned, and if you didn’t know better, you could have sworn that disappointment flashed in his eyes. “If that’s what you want.”

There it was again - Aaron giving you the choice. Whatever you wanted. The two of you stood on a precipice, and you had the power to choose whether or not you both lost your balance.

Maybe he just wanted an out of whatever this was between the two of you, especially now that it wasn’t easygoing anymore. If he gave you what you wanted, got you to make all of the choices, then it wouldn’t be on his conscience if this whole thing crashed and burned.

Well, if he wanted an out, he was going to have to play by his own rules and ask for it.

Your tongue darted out between your lips as you tried to find the right words. Aaron was watching you expectantly, now sitting up fully on the edge of his bed. You took three cautious steps towards him until you were standing right in front of him. 

“I want to just forget about this,” you said, putting as much confidence and authority in your voice as you could muster. You grabbed his hands and placed them on your hips, and to your pleasant surprise, he didn’t try to move them. His thumbs slowly ran back and forth over your hip bone, slipping under the hem of your tank top every once in a while. “Because I don’t know about you, but I had a really nice night tonight, and I think I’d like to end it on a high note.”

Aaron pulled you into him so that you were now straddling his lap. His hands stayed firmly on your hips, and you let your fingers run through his hair. Both of you were still tense, waiting for the other shoe to drop, but he seemed to relax a little bit more as each second passed.

“Okay,” he murmured before pressing a kiss to your lips. “How do you feel about a nightcap?”

You let out a soft giggle as you slid off his lap. “I could  _ definitely _ use a drink,” you agreed.

So you followed Aaron to his kitchen and watched as he poured two generous glasses of Jack Daniels. Then two glasses turned to four and four turned into six, and soon enough you found yourself sitting on the kitchen counter, making out with Aaron like a pair of touch-starved high schoolers. You could taste the vanilla undertones from the whiskey on Aaron’s lips, and it felt like you were melting.

After a while, Aaron pulled away slowly but kept his hands on you. “Are you happy?” he asked suddenly.

He watched as your face morphed into a confused smile and the bridge of your nose scrunched up. You were silent for a moment, and he could practically see the wheels turning in your head.

“I can’t complain,” you said finally. “I’m about to graduate with two postgraduate degrees. I have great friends. I’m sleeping with the unit chief of the pride and joy of the FBI.” You said that last part teasingly, giving him a playful nudge. “So yeah… I am.”

You ran your fingers through his hair again when you saw the time on the microwave, and it made you internally grimace. It was well past midnight. “But you won’t be very happy tomorrow if we don’t get some sleep soon. Don’t you have a soccer game to coach in the morning?”

Aaron let out something between a groan and a chuckle. “Luckily, Jack is staying the night at Rossi’s, so they’ll just meet me at the field. But it’s still early.”

You arched an eyebrow, amused. “What, is Rossi like the team mom?”

“Assistant coach,” Aaron corrected.

“Oh, those poor kids.” You ran your thumb over Aaron’s cheekbone one more time. “Come on, let’s go to bed.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the love you all gave the last chapter!! Every kudos and comment means the absolute world to me. And thank you for sitting through this wild ride of a chapter. Don't worry, the next chapter will be much lighter and more fun.


	13. I Don't Know How To Love Him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me last chapter: "Don't worry, the next chapter will be much lighter and more fun"  
> also me: let's sprinkle in just a little more angst

_ Don't you think it's rather funny _

_ I should be in this position? _

_ I'm the one who's always been _

_ So calm, so cool, no lover's fool _

_ Running every show _

_ \- Jesus Christ Superstar, “I Don’t Know How To Love Him” _

~~~~~~~

You were woken up way too early the next morning rather unceremoniously.

“Lemme sleep,” you grumbled, still half asleep and pulling the covers over your head as much as you could. You were never a big morning person, and even though you had gotten better about it, you were still exhausted from the emotional rollercoaster that was the night before. 

Unfortunately, a pair of much stronger hands gently pried the sheets away from you. “Come on,” Aaron chuckled. “I’ll drop you off at your apartment.”

You groaned but sat up anyway, rubbing the sleep out of your eyes. The clock on the bedside table caught your eye, and you couldn’t help but grimace. How they got a bunch of kids to get up and play soccer at this hour was beyond you. Still, you weren’t going to turn down a ride if it meant getting to avoid the subway.

“Okay, gimme like 15 minutes.”

You went through your normal routine faster than usual, not wanting to make Aaron late, although Aaron was early to everything, so you didn’t feel too rushed. You brushed your teeth, did your skincare, and ran a brush through your hair to try and make it look somewhat presentable. You idly considered just staying in your pajamas so you could fall back asleep when you got home, but you knew you had actual work to do, so instead you settled on a t-shirt tucked into a pair of ripped jeans.

Walking out of the bathroom, you heard Aaron before you saw him.

“Okay buddy, don’t worry, I’ll find your cleats and bring them. I’m sure they’re here somewhere.”

Out of the corner of your eyes, you saw a small pair of black shoes peeking out from under the couch. 

“Oh, Aaron!” you whispered, grabbing the shoes. “Right here.”

When Aaron turned, you noticed that he was on FaceTime with Jack, and you tried to get out of the line of sight as fast as you could. You weren’t sure what he had told Jack and Jessica, but you were almost positive that none of the explanations he gave for knowing you would be a good enough reason as to why you were in his house this early on a Saturday. Also, you really didn’t want to give Rossi any more teasing material.

However, you weren’t quick enough, and you heard an excitable gasp come from Jack’s end.

“Is that Y/N?” he asked, and you could have sworn you heard Rossi chuckle in the background. “Y/N! Are you coming to my game, too?”

Aaron and you made eye contact, and you hoped that he would give you some indication of how he wanted you to answer. Babysitting was one thing, but a soccer game was a whole other can of worms. But Aaron stood there, unreadable as ever, letting you make the decision. Wanting to see what you would choose.

“Well,” you started, hoping Jack was too young to notice the hesitation in your voice. “Do you want me to come watch?”

Jack nodded excitedly, which caused you to chuckle. You looked over at Aaron one more time, just to see if his expression would change at all, but you didn’t get that lucky, so you decided to go for it and hope for the best.

“Then yeah, I’ll be there. As long as it’s okay with your coach,” you added, only somewhat teasingly.

Shock flashed across Aaron’s face, but he quickly covered it up. He hadn’t expected you to switch the script up on him, and it took him a second to respond. “Of course. We’ll see you there buddy, okay?”

Jack gave an over-enthusiastic farewell and hung up, leaving Aaron and you to stew in tense silence. Apparently, all was not as good from last night as you thought it was. 

You broke the silence first, handing Jack’s cleats over to Aaron. “Well… since we don’t have to spend time driving to my place, how do you feel about stopping for coffee?”

Aaron cracked a small smile at that. “Please,” he agreed, grabbing his car keys, and then hesitantly, he added, “We could also pick up breakfast if you wanted. Do you still go to that one bagel place, uh... J Street Bagelry?”

Despite yourself, your eyes lit up. “Uh yeah, of course, I do, it’s my favorite place in all of D.C. I’m pretty sure the owners know me by name by now. I’m surprised you remember.”

Aaron let out an amused huff of air as the two of you made your way to the elevator. “You talked about it a lot,” Aaron reminded you, which caused your face to turn pink as you grumbled something about how delicious that bakery is.

The two of you stayed silent during the car ride. Some oldies station was playing softly in the background, and it forced a smile out of you. Despite how unreadable and closed off he could be, there were still some things about Aaron that were so  _ predictable,  _ like his music taste.

You listened intently to the radio, and both you and Aaron let out an involuntary groan as the radio host warned listeners about an impending heatwave. Heatwaves in D.C. were unbearable and the humidity was practically suffocating. Plus, your apartment didn’t have AC, which meant you’d be miserable and sticky and sweaty the whole time. Nothing good ever came out of a D.C. heatwave.

“That’s going to suck,” you mentioned offhandedly and Aaron just hummed in agreement as he pulled into the bakery parking lot. Luckily, the place was empty, so the two of you were able to get in and out with your bagels and coffee in less than 10 minutes.

When the two of you got back into the car, you waited for Aaron to start the engine. And waited. And waited. Still nothing.

“You know, you didn’t have to come if you didn’t want to,” he finally spoke, but it wasn’t harsh like you had come to expect. His tone was almost apprehensive, like he wasn’t even sure if he should have been bringing it up.

You took a slow sip of your coffee, letting yourself mull over the actual reason for coming. “I wanted to,” you assured him. “Jack reminds me a lot of Samuel.”

“Samuel?” Aaron asked softly as he started the car.

“Aly’s little brother, although he’s practically my little brother, too,” you explained, your eyes glazing over slightly. “He was about Jack’s age when I moved in with them and he seriously kept me sane. We didn’t tell him exactly what had happened with my mom and my dad, so he was just excited to have another older sister. He was the only person to not walk on eggshells around me and he forced me to get out of bed.”

Aaron nodded wordlessly, giving you the space to speak as much or as little as you wanted. You hadn’t told Aaron much about what happened with your mom and your dad. In fact, the only reason he knew anything about it was because two years ago, your dad had been transferred to a prison in Virginia, and Aaron had walked you through the steps of getting a protected address so that your dad couldn’t send you any letters.

You chucked to yourself as you took another sip of your coffee. “Sam’s sixteen now and gross and annoying as shit, especially because Aly and I aren’t there to keep him in line anymore. But I miss him.” You took a deep breath and shifted so that you were sitting up straighter in the passenger seat. “I guess that was a really long-winded way of saying I have a soft spot for Jack. But if you don’t want me around him, I completely understand. I know that kids can get attached easily.”

“No, Jack seems to really like you, and I think it’s good for him to have more than just Dave, Jessica, and I,” Aaron assured you, a hint of a smile tugging on the corners of his lips. “In fact, I think he wants me to leave on a work trip soon so that you can watch him again.”

You hummed in amusement to yourself. “Yeah, I think that’s because I promised him I would let him take home one of my succulents.”

“A house plant?” Aaron asked incredulously. “With my schedule, it will be dead within a month.” 

You waved him off and watched as he searched for a parking spot closest to the makeshift soccer field. “It’s a jade plant, all you have to do is put it in sunlight and it will live forever.”

Aaron put the car in park and looked over at you, part charmed and part skeptical. “Well, it’s certainly easier than a dog,” he resigned.

“Cleaner, too,” you laughed and the two of you made your way out of the car and to the assigned soccer field.

Once you got there, Aaron went off to go say hello to the other kids and parents while you took a seat on the grass. If you had known this was how you were going to spend your Saturday morning, you would have brought a chair or, at the very least, a blanket.

You could feel the stares from the other parents, all wondering who you were and why the coach had brought a random, much younger woman to a children’s soccer game. You supposed that, should anybody ask, you could just say that you babysat Jack. It wouldn’t  _ technically _ be a lie, but something about boiling it down to that made your skin crawl.

Not too long after you had settled down did you see Jack running across the field towards his dad, Rossi following five steps behind. He had a travel mug in one hand, and the other hand was pinching the bridge of his nose.

You chuckled to yourself as he walked up to where you were sitting. “Long night?”

Rossi raised his eyebrows and took a smug sip of his drink. “Not as long as yours, I’m sure.”

“Hilarious,” you said dryly, trying to act as unbothered as possible, although the blush slowly spreading across your face gave you away. “So how did you get roped into assistant coaching again?”

“The same way I got roped into babysitting last night. You’re welcome, by the way,” Rossi added with a knowing smile. “Aaron asked and now I have given up my Saturday mornings for the next three months.”

“That shouldn’t be a big change, though. You have to get up early for work. And isn’t your generation big on the whole ‘early to bed, early to rise’ thing?”

Rossi stared at you blankly for a few moments. “My generation? How fucking old do you think I am?”

“Dave,” came Aaron’s sharp voice, and you and Rossi both whipped your heads over to look at Aaron. Aaron gestured to the sea of children clumsily putting on their shin guards and tripping over cones. “Language.”

You snickered as Rossi made his way over to Aaron, watching as the two of them attempted to herd their team. Give them a psychopathic killer, they could handle it no problem. Ask them to be in charge of a group of hyperactive 6 year olds, and they descended into absolute chaos. 

Right as the game started, you heard your name being shouted from across the field. You lifted your head to see Penelope making her way across the grass, waving in your direction.

“I didn’t know you were coming,” she said once she got to you.

“I didn’t know I was coming either,” you admitted. “How come you came to watch?”

Penelope spread out a blanket, which you gratefully moved on to, although you were sure you already had grass stains on your jeans. “We all try to go to as much of Jack and Henry’s stuff as possible, just as extra support,” Penelope explained. “But enough about that! How was your night? I want to hear all about it!”

“It was good,” you shrugged, purposefully withholding. Although you should have known that Penelope was not going to let that slide.

“Okay, that is  _ not _ telling me all about it. Come on, I want to hear details, and the bossman isn’t going to tell me any. Oh, it was so cute,” Penelope cooed. “He brought an entirely different suit to the office to change into for the date, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen Hotch leave work that quickly.”

Deciding to have some fun before getting interrogated by Penelope, you let your face fall in confusion. “I wasn’t with Aaron last night. I invited him over, but he told me that he was staying late at the office.”

Penelope looked absolutely mortified, her mouth opening and closing in confusion. “Oh my god,” Penelope started. “I’m so sorry, we all thought-”

You cut her off with a chuckle. “I’m totally fucking with you. But yeah, it was good. We got dinner at this place per Rossi’s recommendation and then we went back to his house and had a few more drinks.”

Penelope pouted slightly at your prank but was easily distracted by your retelling of last night’s events. “That’s it, seriously? You’re not going to tell me anything else?”

“I mean, we had sex after, but I didn’t think you wanted to hear all of those details.”

“I would be lying if I said I wasn’t curious,” Penelope admitted, “But that is a conversation for girl’s night. No, I want to know if you two are together now officially or what. Spill it, or I will hack into the security cameras from the restaurant and figure it out myself.”

You sighed and started to rip out blades of grass, averting your eyes so that you were watching the game in front of you. “No, we’re not. Honestly? I don’t think Aaron and I are ever going to be anything more than what we are right now.”

“Oh, my sweetness… Why do you say that?” Penelope asked softly.

You ripped out a particularly thick section of grass, the roots coming out with it. It felt weird, talking to Aaron’s coworkers about your problems, but they had slowly become your friends, too, and Penelope was just so easy to talk to. Besides, it was nice to be able to explain this to somebody who knew and understood Aaron.

“There’s just so much baggage there to sort through, with the whole dead wife and serial killer thing. It’s complicated.”

You regretted the words as soon as you said them, as soon as you saw Penelope’s face fall. You hadn’t considered the fact that the team probably knew Haley, all probably treated her as kindly as they treated you, except they knew her longer. Watched her and Aaron in domestic bliss. Probably visited her in the hospital when she had Jack. Mourned her death.

“He told you about Haley?”

You scoffed involuntarily. So the team still thought that this whole thing between you and Aaron was recent. They had no idea just how much you knew, how long you had been secretly intertwined in Aaron’s life.

“Yeah, he did,” you lied, not wanting to get into the whole situation right then.

Penelope put her hands on either side of your face, smushing your cheeks ever so slightly. “Are you okay? I’m sure that wasn’t an easy conversation.”

You covered Penelope’s hands with your own, wanting to bask in the comfort the small gesture brought to you. “It’s just a mental roadblock I’m going to have to get over. I’m not jealous or anything, but it’s hard to not think of myself as some… replacement.”

The word came out without you even thinking about it, but it made sense as soon as you said it out loud. You knew you weren’t jealous of Haley (there was nothing to be jealous  _ of) _ but there was always some underlying feeling you could never get away from. Being a replacement was an insecurity you didn’t even realize you had, but especially after the conversation from the night before, it was getting harder to ignore.

Penelope slowly removed her hands from your cheeks, but she never took her eyes away from yours. “No, you are not a replacement! Can I offer you some words of wisdom from your resident love genius?”

You chuckled and leaned back on the blanket, holding yourself up by your elbows. “Yes, please, I would love to hear it.”

“I think you’re both scared,” she said thoughtfully, “and you both think that you’re never going to fully be able to have the other one, so you’re keeping a safe distance and clinging onto whatever part you can stake a claim on. You can’t just bottle up your feelings or else they’ll explode.”

You raised your eyebrow in Penelope’s direction. “You’re profound, you know that?”

She gave you the biggest smile you think you’d ever seen. “Well, I’m no profiler, but I like to think of myself as somewhat of an expert for all things magical and romantic.”

You laughed and both of you turned your attention back to the game in front of you, cheering as you saw Jack score a goal.

After the game, Jack invited you to get breakfast with him, Aaron, and Rossi, but you softly declined it, saying that you had to go take care of stuff at home, but you promised that you would go with them next time. In truth, Aly had texted you in the middle of the game, desperate to know how your night with Aaron went and she basically demanded that you go to her apartment as soon as possible to tell her everything.

Before you could leave the soccer field, however, Aaron pulled you to the side and away from prying ears.

“I know it didn’t end exactly the way I had planned,” he started. “But I’m glad we had last night. I really had a wonderful time.”

You grinned and you felt your face go hot. “So did I. And I’m looking forward to that tour of the National Mall.”

“We’ll plan that soon.” Aaron cleared his throat. “And Y/N. About our conversation last night. I want you to know that you can come to me with any questions you might have about what happened. Or even if you’re just having trouble processing. You might have some complicated feelings come up and I don’t want you to feel like you have to do it alone. Again,” he added on as an afterthought, guilt seeping into his voice.

Surprise was evident on your face as you tried to control your speeding heartbeat. “I will. Thank you, Aaron. I really appreciate that.” 

Aaron gave you a small smile. “Of course. Now, are you sure you don’t want a ride back?”

“Positive,” you nodded. “Aly is like three metro stops away. Have a good breakfast.” You waved goodbye to the rest of the group and they watched as you made your way to the nearest metro station.

During the conversation, Rossi and Jack had moved back onto the soccer field with Rossi in the goal while Jack tried to score on him. Deciding to give them a few more minutes, Aaron approached Penelope, who was gingerly folding her blanket.

“Thank you again for coming, Garcia. It means the world to Jack.”

Penelope jumped slightly at the sound of her boss’s voice but quickly composed herself, a soft smile gracing her face. “Oh, no need to thank me. Watching cute, uncoordinated kids run around? It’s adorable.”

The corners of Aaron’s lips lifted at her description. “Well, we both appreciate it. And you are more than welcome to join us at breakfast.”

“As much fun as that sounds, I promised our Boy Wonder that I would teach him how to cook so that he can stop buying takeout for every meal.”

“Good luck with that,” Aaron chuckled. “Then in that case, we will see you on Monday.”

Before he could walk away, Penelope called out “Wait, sir!” Her conversation with you was still rattling in her mind. If it were anybody else, Penelope would have already started to meddle and push them together, but she knew that with Aaron, it had to be handled more delicately.

“Yeah?”

“I never got to thank you for the flowers you sent me,” she blurted. She was met with Aaron’s confused expression and quickly continued. “Well, the ones you sent but said they were from Gideon. It was a long time ago, I’m not sure if you remember.”

“I remember,” Aaron confirmed, still confused as to why she was bringing this up. “How did you find out I was the one who sent them?”

Penelope tilted her head slightly and raised an eyebrow in Aaron’s direction. “Come on, you know that my beautiful Derek Morgan can’t keep a secret from me.”

“That’s fair. But you’re welcome, you deserved them. I know how difficult Jason could be to work with.”

“Derek also told me what you told Gideon on the plane. That people need to know they’re important.” Penelope took a deep breath before continuing. “Sir, I don’t mean to overstep, and I know that you’ve had a rough couple of years, but I think you’ve also forgotten that. You expect people to just know. And while I have the confidence of an early aughts pop star, I think some other people might need to be told a little more explicitly.”

Aaron stood in contemplative silence for a few moments as Penelope’s words sunk in. It didn’t take much for him to know what she was alluding to - he saw her talking to you during the game and saw your body language become closed off and defensive. He wasn’t completely sure what you had told her, although if he knew anything about you (and he’d like to think that he knew a good amount about you), you probably didn’t give away much. 

Still, Penelope wasn’t wrong. His conversation with you from the night before kept replaying in his head. He knew that he didn’t say enough and he didn’t give you any reason to trust him again. He had closed up again and forced himself to believe that you were okay when you so clearly weren’t. 

Seeing Penelope start to get nervous at his silence, Aaron spoke up. “I think you may be right,” he admitted. “Very wise of you.”

Penelope’s face broke into a dazzling smile. “So I’ve been told. Thank you, sir. I will see you on Monday.”

Penelope quickly said goodbye to Rossi and Jack, waving excitedly as she did. 

~~~~~~~

Twenty minutes later, you found yourself across town, pacing Aly’s bedroom and recounting the events from last night. You told her everything from dinner to what Aaron said about you deserving to be taken on dates to Aaron’s apology for leaving you in the dark. Despite the occasional interjection to show she was listening, Aly stayed quiet and let you rant so that you could get all of that confusion out of your system.

“That’s so fucked,” she said once you were done. “I mean, I get needing a while to process what happened, but to not even think of you  _ once _ that whole time? I still think of my 2nd grade crush on Lauren Nguyen at least once a year.”

You flopped onto her bed so that you were laying next to her. “Yeah, I know. And like, I get why he didn’t, but understanding doesn’t make it any easier. I want to be mad at Aaron, but I just can’t do it, and I don’t know why.”

“That’s fine, I’ll be mad enough at him for the both of us,” Aly promised in a tone that made it very clear what she thought of Aaron.

“Come on, that’s not fair,” you protested. “You remember what I was like when my mom died. I could barely remember my own  _ name _ some days. And if it’s any consolation, I think Aaron feels like total shit about the whole thing, too.”

“Yeah, but you were also 14 years old and it wasn’t your whole ass job.” You opened your mouth to argue, but Aly cut you off. “He’s a Scorpio, isn’t he? I just know it. You have a type, and it’s  _ always _ older Scorpio men.”

You swatted Aly’s shoulder playfully, unable to argue with her. “Okay, okay, whatever, you can go over his birth chart later.” Or never, if you had the chance. You were pretty sure that she’d completely lose it when she learned he was a Capricorn rising. “That’s not helping me with the present situation.”

Aly looked at you questioningly but didn’t push it. “Well… After learning everything you did last night, do you still want to be with him?”

You grabbed a pillow and used it to cover your face as you let out something between a groan and a scream. “Why does everybody keep asking me what I want?”

Aly winced and covered her ears. “Jesus, Y/N, at least warn me next time before you blow my eardrums out.”

You sighed and tossed the pillow off to the side. “I’m sorry, I just… I don’t know what I want. I thought I did.”

“But…?” Aly pressed.

Your tongue darted out between your lips nervously. “Both of us are pretty rusty at this whole relationship thing and I can’t… I can’t shake this feeling that one day he’s going to wake up and realize that I am just a reminder of everything he’s lost in life. I’m always going to be intrinsically tied with Haley in his mind.”

Aly frowned and wrapped an arm around your shoulders, pulling you closer to her. “Before I continue, I want you to know that I love you and you are my favorite person in the world, okay?”

Oh, that was never a good sign. It usually meant that she was going to say something you really did  _ not _ want to hear. “Go ahead, do your worst.”

“You’re catastrophizing. You always have, even when we were kids. I mean, do you seriously think that you are the only person who is dating a widower with a child? I get that there’s some major history between you two and you’re going to have a lot of uncomfortable conversations, which I know you hate, but it doesn’t have to be the end of the world. Did you have a good time last night?”

“Yeah, I did.”

Aly threw her hands up with an exasperated huff. “Then there’s your answer!”

You felt your irritation flare up ever so slightly. What about this situation did she not get? “It’s not that simple, Alyson. Aside from last night, he’s never shown any interest in wanting anything more with me. And even if he did, I wouldn’t even know  _ how _ to be in a relationship with him, and I’m sure he feels the same. Like, at dinner, I had no clue what to say to him. I was so-”

“Nervous?” Aly looked at you incredulously and had the audacity to start laughing. “Yeah babe, people get nervous on dates. Wow, you really did forget how to be in a normal relationship. Law school has sucked your soul out.”

You scoffed and sat up in the bed. “Thank you for that confidence boost,” you said, your voice dripping with sarcasm. “Now can we  _ please _ stop talking about Aaron? I feel like that’s all I’ve done the past two days, and it’s giving me major high school flashbacks. I just want to do something mindless, like… like watch  _ Flavor of Love.  _ Is that still on Hulu?”

Aly laughed and immediately hopped out of her bed, pulling you up with her. “Yes, it is, and yes we are  _ definitely _ going to watch it. I’ll grab snacks.”

You made your way to her living room and onto her couch. About ten minutes later, she came back into the living room, practically bouncing up and down with no snacks in sight.

“What are you doing next Thursday night?” she asked excitedly.

“I don’t think I’m doing anything,” you replied slowly, unsure of where she was going with this. “Don’t you have that date to  _ Rocky Horror _ with the girl down the hall?”

“Yes, I do, and we accidentally each bought a pair of tickets, so we have extras. She just called and she’s giving one to her roommate, and I told her I’d give the other one to you. You’re welcome.”

“I’m not going to be a third wheel on your date.”

Aly rolled her eyes and sat down next to you on the couch, slinging her legs over your lap. “You don’t have to sit by us. In fact, I’d rather you didn’t. But we used to have so much fun going to the show during undergrad and this way you can meet Ciara. Please take the ticket?”

“Fine,” you conceded, reaching over her to grab the remote. Aly was up to something, you knew that much, but you did not have the energy to try and figure it out at that moment. “Now if you don’t mind, I want to watch Pumpkin spit at New York.”

~~~~~~~

Penelope’s advice stuck with Aaron throughout the rest of the weekend. Aaron and you had exchanged a few texts here and there, but nothing with much substance, which was no big deal. He had gone home on Saturday to a mountain of emails from Strauss containing more paperwork he had to do, and you had midterms to study for.

You figured that you and Aaron were going back to your old habits and routine, which you had to admit kind of stung, although it wasn’t surprising. You  _ had _ been the one to tell him that you were fine with no strings attached, albeit you said it more so just move on from that uncomfortable conversation.

What  _ was _ surprising, however, was your doorbell ringing in the middle of the day that Monday. You hadn’t expected anybody to come over, and all of your friends would have texted you first. You looked through the peephole and saw a delivery man holding something you couldn’t quite make out.

Weird. All packages were supposed to go to the mailroom. You opened the door slowly and found that the object in his hand was a glass vase with a bouquet of flowers.

“Are you Y/N Y/L/N?” he asked, and it took you a second to respond.

“Uh, yeah, that’s me,” you stuttered out.

He handed you a small clipboard. “These are for you, I just need you to sign on that bottom line saying you received them.”

You quickly signed the paper and thanked him before grabbing the vase and bringing it back into your apartment. The flowers were gorgeous - not too large to be ostentatious or impersonal but filled with flowers that matched your favorite color and added a pop of brightness to the room.

You set the vase down on a side table in the sun and plucked the note sticking up from the bouquet.

_ Thank you again for joining me for dinner. There’s nobody else I would have rather gone with. I hope that these make you smile, because you deserve that and so much more.  _

_ A.H. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So fun fact: Hotch is canonically a Scorpio, but my mans gives off such Capricorn vibes so that's where that came from. If y'all have any thoughts on his birth chart, please let me know because I love that shit.
> 
> Long chapter to get us through the holiday season!! Thank you for all of the love and reviews and kudos and kind words!!
> 
> Happy holidays, my friends!


	14. I Want You to Want Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy new year!! this is an entirely self-indulgent jealous hotch moment, so enjoy y'all

_ I want you to want me _

_ I need you to need me _

_ I'd love you to love me _

_ I'm beggin' you to beg me _

_ \- Letters to Cleo, “I Want You To Want Me” _

~~~~~~ ~

As planned, the next Thursday you found yourself waiting outside of the bar where Aly worked for Aly, Ciara, and Ciara’s roommate. Somehow,  _ Rocky Horror _ had evolved into pre-show drinks as well, which meant you weren’t going to be as ‘in costume’ as you usually would, but you still decided on a black lace corset top and a pair of jeans. It was still fun and in theme with the show without you having to worry about being charged with public indecency.

You hadn’t seen Aaron since he sent you the flowers. When they were delivered, you had immediately called to thank him, but the two of you were only able to talk for a few minutes before he was being pulled to work. The team had back-to-back cases, with only a day in between back at home, and you knew that Aaron would want to spend that day with Jack.

Still, you missed Aaron, which was something you hadn’t been expecting. Sure, you always craved his attention while he was away on cases, but this was something more. You found yourself constantly checking your phone, just to see if he had called.

To your delight, he had found a few pockets of time in his busy schedule to talk,  _ especially _ when he found the little gift you had snuck into the side pocket of his go-bag: a set of very x-rated polaroids of you dressed in Aaron’s favorite lingerie set, your hands all over your body, and even a few with you completely naked, save for one of Aaron’s button-ups draped over your shoulders and your hands bound with one of his ties. That night was a  _ much _ longer phone call.

He had texted you earlier in the morning that they were going to be landing back home tonight and invited you out to drinks with the rest of the team. It took everything in you to keep yourself from canceling on Aly and going out with Aaron instead. You were  _ this close _ to completely ditching the night, and if it were anybody else, you probably would have, but Aly would definitely publicly shame you for being the person who ditched plans with their friends to hang out with their situationship.

Not that you were becoming that person. Of course not. 

An unfamiliar voice calling your name snapped you out of your thoughts, and you whipped your head around to be greeted with the smiling face of a man you’d never met. “You’re Y/N, right?” he asked again, his voice gentle and unthreatening. “Ciara showed me a picture of you. I’m her roommate.”

You were sure your face showed the surprise and confusion you were feeling. You had assumed, maybe foolishly, that her roommate was a girl. “Oh! Hi, yeah that’s me,” you stuttered out, holding your hand out for him to shake.

“I’m Justin, it’s nice to meet you. I’ve heard a lot about you,” he replied, shaking your hand. He was around your age, maybe a year or two older, and definitely cute - the kind of guy you probably would have obsessed over when you were younger.

“All terrible, I’m sure,” you chuckled nervously. “Are Aly and Ciara with you?”

Justin’s face fell slightly, and now both of you were confused. “Uh, no, they said they were going to meet us here a little later so that we had time to get to know each other and - and you didn’t know that, did you?” he trailed off, noticing the look on your face.

Realization swept over you. Aly had set you up on a date and apparently expected you to just go along with it. Oh, you were _so_ going to kill her when you saw her. “No, I thought we were all getting drinks together as a group thing,” you admitted sheepishly. “I’m sorry.”

Luckily, Justin seemed cool about the whole situation, although he looked about as mortified and embarrassed as you felt. “I’m guessing you’re not as single as your friend said you were?”

You shook your hand in a ‘so-so’ motion as you scrunched up your nose. “Eh…” Aaron and you weren’t explicitly exclusive, even though you had agreed not to sleep with other people, but that was for health and safety reasons. Dating other people, however, was never something that ever came up in conversation. Technically, you were probably considered single, but that label felt wrong. Being with Aaron felt like so much  _ more. _

“I’m in a complicated thing right now, and I think Aly might have mistook that for available. I'm really sorry.”

Justin sucked his teeth, and you were fully prepared for him to storm off, but to your surprise, he stayed. “It’s cool. I get it. Uh, but since we have to wait anyway, do you want to go in and get a few drinks? Not a date, just as friends.”

You let out a relieved chuckle and nodded almost desperately. “Yeah, drinks sound great. And the first round is on me as an apology for the very overbearing best friend.”

The two of you got your drinks and found seating at the bar. Despite the awkward introduction, you found yourself actually enjoying Justin’s company. He was nice enough, a high school chemistry teacher who was originally from Portland. He entertained you with stories about his failed pop-punk band from when he was in high school. You almost felt bad that you didn’t like him more.

Almost, being the keyword. Because despite the fact that Justin was an ideal guy on paper, you couldn’t help but continuously compare him to Aaron, and all you could think about was how much you wished Aaron was the person next to you.

Eventually, the conversation moved to you and your internship at the FBI. You didn’t tell him everything leading up to your internship, just that you worked on the legal team, but Justin seemed impressed enough, and he hung onto every word you told him about headquarters like it was one big government secret.

“So… is it all true?” Justin asked, half joking and half genuinely nervous. “Is the FBI really watching us through our phones? Because if we’re being honest, I’ve always been nervous that I’m going to be on some watchlist because of the chemicals I have to buy for work.”

You grinned and were about to assure him that  _ no,  _ it takes a lot more than a science teacher buying school supplies to get on a watch list when you heard a mocking chuckle come from behind you, and it made your blood run cold. You knew that laughter all too well.

You didn’t have to look for the source, as Aaron walked right up to you and Justin, a smug smirk on his lips and a bottle of beer in his hand. You had no clue how long he had been standing behind you, listening in on your conversation.

“I hope I’m not interrupting anything,” he lied, flashing a dangerous smile in your direction. “But I work with Y/N here and it would be impolite of me to not come say hello.” His voice was overly casual, but you could hear the slight strain in his voice and the anger that flashed across his face.

“Hello Aaron,” you muttered dryly through gritted teeth, wishing you were literally anywhere else at that moment. This  _ definitely _ looked like a date, and you were sure that the outfit you were wearing was just making the whole situation look even worse.

Your eyes quickly scanned the bar and eventually landed on the table where the rest of the BAU was sitting. The team wasn’t even trying to hide their stares, all of them shamelessly watching this trainwreck play out. Spencer and Emily were the most focused on you, probably trying to read your lips to tell everybody the exact details.

Aaron turned his attention to Justin, who was blissfully ignorant to the tension that was growing. “And who are you?” he asked sharply.

“Oh, uh… I’m Justin?” It came out as more of a question. “It’s nice to meet you, uh…” Justin held out his hand for Aaron to shake, which Aaron completely ignored. So much for caring about being impolite, apparently.

“Supervisory Special Agent Aaron Hotchner, unit chief of the behavioral analysis unit,” he greeted, haughtiness dripping from his words. You rolled your eyes at whatever weird power move Aaron was trying to play by pulling rank, but apparently, it worked because you saw Justin shrink away ever so slightly.

“How- how do you two know each other again?”

“Besides us both working for the FBI?” Aaron asked condescendingly, although he hid it behind an over-casual smile, and Justin probably didn’t even realize that it was a thinly veiled insult. But you knew Aaron better and could see the way that he was absolutely reveling in being a derisive asshole. And the worst part? Derisive asshole looked  _ so good _ on him. “The bureau encourages strong interdepartmental relationships, so Y/N has worked under me  _ many _ times.”

The innuendo wasn’t lost on you, but Justin seemed to accept the answer at face value. “Oh… Well, that’s cool. I didn’t realize this was a fed bar.”

“It’s not,” you said sharply, wanting to reach the end of this conversation as a blush spread across your face.

Aaron took a long sip of his beer, and despite the silence, he was still commanding yours and Justin’s attention. Neither of you dared to speak up first, giving Aaron the upper hand. Another power move, and he knew that it worked. Smug bastard.

“So,  _ Justin,”  _ he said archly. “How did you trick Y/N into going out with you? Because from everything I’ve heard, she’s had to beat away men with a metal bat. Businessmen, lawyers, agents…” Aaron looked pointedly at you as he said ‘agents’, and the two of you let that hang in the air for a tense second. “Even a senator’s nephew once, if I remember correctly. You’re in a very desired position,  _ kid.” _

Aaron was faking a smile when he said it, but his voice was anything but nice. It was practically poison, and you could imagine him interrogating an unsub with that tone, right as he caught them in a lie.

“Uh, we’re not- I… I don’t…”

You decided to step in and give poor Justin a break. He was clearly flustered, which only seemed to amuse Aaron. “We’re not on a date,” you corrected.

Aaron’s smile faltered for a split second, and you could have sworn you saw the slightest bit of relief flash across his features. “You’re not?”

You nodded and finished the rest of your drink. “Nope. We’re just waiting for the rest of our group. Looks like that metal bat of mine is working just fine.” Aaron at least had the decency to look slightly embarrassed at his assumption. “Speaking of groups, I think yours is waiting for you right now.”

Aaron’s eyes bounced back and forth between Justin and you for a second longer, and you were sure that the situation would be almost comical if it wasn’t a total nightmare. “In that case, I’ll let you two get back to your night,” he finally said before turning back to Justin. “Oh, and between you and me, everything you’ve heard about the FBI is true, and then some. And we like to keep tabs on all of our employees and their acquaintances, so don’t have too much fun with her tonight, kid. Goodnight, Y/N.”

You were practically seething as you watched Aaron walk away, but to your surprise, he didn’t immediately go back to the table where the rest of the BAU was and instead made his way towards the back hallway that led to the bathrooms.

“Wow,” Justin said slowly, taking a long sip of his drink. The poor guy had no clue what had just gone on. “That guy was intense.”

“Oh, you have no idea.” Your cell phone chimed not even two minutes later and you pulled it out to see a text from Aaron. You didn’t even need to open it to know what he wanted.

“Excuse me for a few minutes,” you mumbled, avoiding Justin’s questioning eyes. “It’s work, I’m sorry.” You didn’t even wait to hear his answer, and you immediately jumped out of your seat and made your way to the back hallway where you knew Aaron would be waiting. It was pretty well concealed from the rest of the bar - nobody would be able to see you unless they were in the hallway entrance.

His casual and self-assured demeanor that he had put on in front of Justin was gone, stripped away like a second skin. He was visibly wound up, his entire body tense, and he was rubbing his thumb against his fingertips so harshly that it seemed to be the only thing grounding him. His head snapped up when he heard your footsteps and he studied you with his unreadable eyes.

“You do realize that he isn’t nearly good enough for you, right?” he sneered. “I never took you as the type of person to settle.”

You scoffed incredulously, completely taken aback by Aaron’s sentiment. “I don’t settle and this isn’t a date,” you reminded him.

“He sure wants it to be,” Aaron shot back, and if you didn’t know better, you would have thought you heard a hint of insecurity in his otherwise harsh tone.

“Then that’s his problem.” Realization flooded you and you couldn’t stop the grin that spread across your face. “Oh my god. Aaron Hotchner… are you  _ jealous?” _

Aaron crossed his arms indignantly, like the idea of being jealous was beneath him. “Jealous? Of who, Bill Nye out there? No.”

You took two steps towards Aaron so that your chest was pressed against his. “You totally are. That’s what that stupid pissing contest was about. You’re jealous because you want me all to yourself, don’t you?”

Aaron’s eyes raked up and down your body before he roughly grabbed your hips and pushed you against the wall. “Maybe I do want you to myself, but I’m definitely not jealous. Do you want to know why?”

You tugged lightly on the tie he was wearing, trying to keep your breathing even. “Tell me.”

Aaron’s hand that was on your hip slowly trailed up the lace and boning of your corset, his touch light as a feather, and it sent shivers down your spine. He leaned in close so that his lips brushed against your ear with every word. “Because I know that you’re not going to fuck him. I’m the only one who knows how to fuck you, how to make you submit to me. He couldn’t handle a brat like you.”

Your breath hitched in your throat. He was right, of course he was, but you weren’t going to give in that easily. “Is that why you wanted me to meet you back here? So you can fuck me and remind me how much I need you?”

Aaron’s eyes darted between your lips and the hallway entrance. Before you could even get out another word, he pulled you into the single-occupancy bathroom and locked the door. “No, you know that already. I’m going to fuck you because I can’t stop thinking about those pretty pictures you sent me,” he mumbled against your lips. “But I’m going to make you  _ scream  _ while fucking you so that your little date out there can hear what an obedient whore you are for me and only me.” 

Without any more warning, Aaron attached his lips to yours, setting a bruising pace. He walked you backward as he kissed you until you were pushed up against the wall. Your fingers curled around his suit jacket, wrinkling the material.

Maybe you should have felt the slightest bit of shame about what you were doing, considering your not-really-a-date date and all of Aaron’s coworkers were in the same building, but you really couldn’t be bothered to care. Especially not as Aaron was dragging his teeth down your neck and to your chest.

Realizing that he wasn’t going to have the time or patience to undo your corset, he pulled it down just enough so that your boobs were hanging out of your top and he had access to the skin that would be later hidden by the material. He had the forethought to not leave visible marks, but he sure as hell was going to make sure you had reminders of his for days to come.

A soft moan left your lips as Aaron nipped at a particularly sensitive spot on your breasts, which made Aaron chuckle, although there was no humor in it. “Don’t get shy on me now, baby,” he ordered. “I told you that I wanted to hear you scream.”

Your hands gripped his face and you pulled him back up so that you could kiss him again. “I need you now,” you gasped. “Please, Aaron.”

Aaron’s hands slowly trailed down your body until he reached your jeans. He popped open the button with ease and pushed your jeans and panties down in one fell swoop, and you kicked them off as quickly as you possibly could, desperate for his hands on you. He ghosted a finger through your folds, which ripped a gasp out from you.

“You’re soaked, baby. Who made you this wet? Was it your pathetic little date out there?” he asked, slipping a finger into you.

“No, sir, you did,” you breathed.

His other hand gripped your chin harshly. “I’m not going to ask you to speak up again,” he hissed as he added a second finger. “Who made you this wet,  _ slut?” _

“You did,” you cried out, throwing your head back as his fingers curled, hitting right where you needed him. You whimpered as he pulled his fingers out of you achingly slow and brought them to your clit. He wanted to make you come as hard and as fast as possible. “Always you, only you.”

“That’s right, baby. I’m the only one who knows how to make you feel this good.” Aaron attached his lips back to yours, and the kiss was full of desperation and  _ want.  _ You made quick work of his belt buckle and he pushed his pants down just enough to make room for you to pull his cock out, already hard and leaking with precum. You wrapped one hand around his cock, slowly stroking him.

“So desperate already,” he muttered against your lips, his fingers still circling your clit. Your legs were on the verge of giving out as you felt your orgasm rapidly approaching. “You can’t go more than just a few days without my dick in your tight little cunt, can you?”

You tried to reply, but the only sounds you could make were loud moans as Aaron increased his pace on your clit. If anybody was waiting for the bathroom, they would surely hear you, and the thought only turned you on even more.

“I’m so close, Aaron,” you begged as you tried to grind your hips against his hand. “Please.”

“Come for me, whore,” he ordered. “All over my fingers.”

Your body responded to his command immediately, and you shook as your orgasm ripped through you. If he hadn’t been holding you up, you would have collapsed right then and there.

His fingers didn’t stop though, and he continued to rub circles onto your clit. “Could that  _ boy _ out there make you feel as good as I do?” Aaron hissed into your ear, and all you could do was shake your head. “No, he couldn’t, because you belong to me, don’t you?”

“I’m yours,” you promised, the overstimulation being just on the verge of too much. 

Aaron took his free hand and trailed it up your body until he reached your arms. Pressing you further against the wall, he pinned your arms above your head, both of your wrists easily fitting in one of his large hands.

“I’m going to fuck you so hard, that you’re going to be limping back out that stupid boy,” he promised. “Is that what you want?”

“I -  _ fuck  _ \- yes!”

“Beg for it,” he ordered.

“Please, Aaron,” you whined. “I’m your good little slut. I’ll do anything just, fuck, please,  _ please.” _

Apparently, that wasn’t enough, because he removed his fingers from your clit and used that hand to wrap around your throat.  _ “Louder. _ I want everybody to hear how much of a whore you are for me.”

You knew that the music in the bar was too loud for anybody to hear you, but that didn’t stop you from rising to the challenge. “Please fuck me, Aaron. It’s been too long. I need you so badly.” He took the tip of his cock and slowly teased your entrance. “I  _ want _ you so badly.”

That did it for him. Aaron entered you with one swift movement, and it made you cry out. You hadn’t even fully come down from your first orgasm, and he started right on a brutal pace. Every thrust was rewarded with an embarrassingly loud moan. “He has no clue how -  _ fuck  _ \- how fucking perfect you look for me right now. How good your slutty pussy is taking my cock. And he never. Fucking. Will.”

You were gasping for breath now and you had to force yourself to keep your eyes open. Aaron was determined to make you feel every inch of him inside of you. You felt your walls clench around him, which only seemed to encourage him to go faster.

You tried to wiggle out of his grip, but it was no use. He was fucking you into the wall so intensely that it was for sure going to leave tiny scratches all over the exposed skin of your back. The combination of being pinned to the wall, his hand on your throat, and his relentless thrusts were enough to bring you to the crest of your second orgasm.

“I’m going to come,” you whimpered, your eyes screwed shut.

Aaron tightened his grip on your throat slightly. “Be my good girl and scream my name when you do.”

You would have even without his demand. As you came, you arched your back and pressed your body against his, his name tumbling from your lips like it was a prayer. Your world was reduced to  _ Aaron, Aaron, Aaron. _

He continued to fuck you through your orgasm, but his thrusts began to stutter, so he was close, too. He slowed down his pace, choosing to bury himself as deep into you as possible with every snap of his hips.

“Should I come on your face so everybody knows who you belong to? To show everybody that you’re mine?” he hissed. “Or should I just fill up your greedy pussy, so you can feel me all night?”

You gasped and let your head fall back with a soft  _ thud,  _ but you barely registered it. All you could focus on was Aaron. “In me,” you panted. “I want you to finish in me.”

Aaron’s lust-filled eyes darkened and he immediately brought his lips to yours, kissing you like there was no tomorrow. It was rough and eager, his teeth pulling at your lips. “Anything my pretty girl wants,” he said in between kisses. “She gets.”

When he came, he let go of your wrists and throat, and instead gripped your hips so that he could pull you as close to him as physically possible for as long as possible. You draped your arms around his neck as you attempted to catch your breath, your whole body shaking.

He pulled out of you slowly, watching as his cum dripped down the inside of your thigh, and you whimpered at the feeling of emptiness. Aaron leaned in for another kiss, this time much softer, and you sighed contentedly. You wanted him, in every single way.

“Aaron, I-”

“Shh, baby,” he whispered as his fingers slowly moved from your hips down to your thighs. “You did so good.”

You smiled at the praise, but you were torn from the moment as soon as you felt his fingers brush against your overstimulated folds. “We’ve made a mess,” he mumbled, and you could practically hear his smirk. “Let me clean you up.”

Instead of grabbing some paper towels like you had expected, you watched wide-eyed as Aaron dropped to his knees. He dragged his tongue up the inside of your thigh and to your soaked cunt, collecting a mixture of his cum and yours. He held it on his tongue as he stood back up and placed his finger under your chin, beckoning you to kiss him. Your brain completely short-circuited as soon as he slipped his tongue into your mouth, swapping the mixture to you, and you swallowed obediently, making a choked noise as you did.

Aaron pulled away from the kiss slowly and he watched your expressions carefully, wanting to make sure you were okay. You were breathing heavily, eyes closed, as you leaned against the bathroom wall, trying to regain your thoughts. A dizzy, satisfied smile grew on your face, Aaron’s words repeating in your head.

_ You’re mine, my pretty girl… _ He had said those words before during sex, but they felt so much heavier this time around, in all of the best ways. You’d be repeating those words in your mind for weeks.

Denim was placed softly in your hands, and you slowly opened your eyes, only to be met with Aaron’s. He was already redressed, and he had grabbed your underwear and jeans from off the floor to give them to you. “There’s my girl,” he whispered, pushing your hair out of your face. “Welcome back. We should hurry and get back out there before they send a search party for us.”

A breathy chuckle escaped your lips as you put your jeans back on and pulled your top back up to cover you. There was a hickey peaking out right above the neckline of your corset, and you fixed yourself up the best you could, although there was only so much that could be done. That was fine, the bar was dark enough that nobody would notice. Probably.

“He really isn’t my date,” you suddenly burst out as you were combing your fingers through your hair. Aaron perked up slightly, clearly not expecting that comment. “I just wanted to make sure you knew that. I’m not going on dates with anybody else.”

“I know,” he said sincerely, all traces of jealousy gone from his face.

You gave a curt nod as the two of you exited the bathroom, not even bothering to try and stagger your exit times. If they hadn’t already figured out what the two of you were doing together, they weren’t going to figure it out at all.

Aaron looked over towards the bar to where you presumed Justin was and grinned smugly. Aaron’s eyes shot back down to you. “Have a good time at the show tonight, Y/N. And tell your friend for me that it was a real pleasure to meet him.”

Raking his eyes up and down your body one more time, Aaron turned to make his way back to his table.

“Wait, Aaron!”

He turned around, confusion etched on his features.

You shifted your weight back and forth. “If you’re still awake by then, can I come over tonight? Once the show is over.”

Aaron’s face softened, and he gave you his first real smile of the night. “Of course. I’ll wait up.”


	15. Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the cm writers put in ONE line about Aaron not getting what he wanted and I really said "wow interesting, let's just make that a running theme", so here you all go
> 
> "Trigger warning: Vulnerability" - Ratatouille the Musical

_ Haven't had a dream in a long time _

_ See, the life I've had _

_ Can make a good man bad _

_ So for once in my life _

_ Let me get what I want _

_ Lord knows, it would be the first time _

_ \- The Smiths, “Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want” _

_ ~~~~~~~ _

  
  


Making your way back to the bar, you tried to ignore the stares coming from the rest of the BAU. They had to have known that you and Aaron had just hooked up in the bathroom, and while you had zero regrets and knew they wouldn’t judge you, you really weren’t ready to be teased by them. Aaron could take the brunt of that for you.

Besides, you knew that you were in for it yourself, because as you walked back to where you left Justin at the bar, you noticed that he was finally joined by Ciara and Aly, the latter one shaking her head at you as you walked up. She had obviously seen you leave the bathroom with Aaron and clearly wasn’t happy about it.

Whatever, let her be angry. You were pretty fucking annoyed with her at that moment. Still, she was your best friend and she was out with her girlfriend, so you weren’t going to make a scene.

“Pretty late for a work call, isn’t it?” Aly mused.

Okay, so maybe you  _ were _ going to make a scene.

“Sorry,” you lied through gritted teeth. “Next time I’ll tell the federal government to work around my social schedule.”

Aly jerked her head towards the BAU’s table. “How come the rest of the feds didn’t get called then?”

“Because they work in a completely different department, and you know that. Is this really the hill you want to die on right now?”

Aly just stared at you, disappointment in her eyes, but she didn’t say anything else. The tension was so thick that you could cut it with a butter knife. Probably trying to stop a fight from breaking out right there, Ciara gripped Aly’s hand a little tighter. “Wow, you two really do bicker like sisters. Okay, we should probably start walking over to the theater so we don’t miss the preshow,” she offered, and Justin nodded quickly, clearly uncomfortable with everything going on that night.

Poor guy. You made a mental note to send him an apology bottle of wine or something, with the hope that you wouldn’t become his go-to “worst date ever” story for the rest of his life.

Luckily, the theater was only a few blocks away from the bar, which meant that it would be a quick walk. Justin and you walked behind Aly and Ciara, who were holding hands and sharing soft, lingering kisses and looked so stupidly happy and in love that it made your stomach lurch. They looked at each other like the other one hung the stars in the sky. Even as they pushed their way through a crowd of drunk men watching football in an outdoor bar, they were in their own little bubble.

You watched as Ciara wrapped her arms around Aly. Watched as she loudly proclaimed “Look at my gorgeous girlfriend!” to all of the downtown area. Watched as Aly giggled and rested her head back on Ciara’s shoulder, eyes closed in pure bliss. Watched as Ciara pressed a kiss to Aly’s temple, as if it was the easiest thing in the world. Maybe it was. They weren’t afraid to tell each other what they wanted, and they looked so intoxicatingly happy because of it.

Then realization hit you so hard that it practically knocked the air out of you. You wanted that. You wanted to look that happy and in love with somebody. Scratch that, you wanted to  _ be _ that happy and in love with a  _ certain _ somebody. And you weren’t going to get it by being a coward and dancing around your feelings.

Before you knew it, the four of you made it to the theater, and when Aly and Ciara turned to ask if you and Justin were going to sit with them, you remembered why you were so angry at Aly in the first place.

“Actually, I have to go to the bathroom before we go in,” you said as you grabbed Aly’s wrist. “So we’ll meet you two in there, okay?” With that, you dragged Aly into the bathrooms, ignoring her indignant protests. 

She rubbed at her wrist as soon as you let go and leaned against the sink. “Ow, what is your problem?”

_ “My problem?”  _ you shot back. “Right now, you’re my problem. I cannot believe you set me up on a blind date. You should have at least asked me.”

Aly scoffed. “You would have said no.”

“Yeah, you’re right, I would have. That’s the point.”

“I did you a favor,” she protested. “You said that you didn’t know what you wanted and you forgot how to go on a real date, so I set you up with a  _ nice _ guy to help you figure it all out.”

You raised your eyebrow at her, keeping your face emotionless. “How did you know Aaron would be at the bar?”

“I didn’t. That was just the universe all coming together. And clearly, it worked,” she added on with a sigh, thinking about your rendezvous in the bar with Aaron.

You paused, choosing your next words carefully. “Yeah, it did work. But you don’t seem very happy for me.”

Aly took an audible breath and she looked up at the ceiling. “It’s not that, it’s just… I am  _ so _ worried about you, you have no idea.”

You softened and all of your anger melted away, leaving you standing in a puddle of mixed emotions. “You don’t have to worry about me,” you promised, but she didn’t believe you.

You didn’t expect her to. For as long as you’d known her, Aly had taken on the big sister protector role, despite the fact that the two of you were the same age, and she only got more protective of you with everything that happened in your life. She didn’t leave your side after your mom died and sat in the waiting room of your therapist’s office every week so you always had a friendly face after. When Aaron went off to go chase that serial killer, she let you move in with her rent-free.

“Yes, I do,” she argued, her voice cracking. “Because I saw how scared and insignificant you felt when he left the first time. I’ve never seen you so small. And I’m sure Aaron is great and I know that you think you’ve moved past all of that, but I don’t think you have. And I don’t want to see you get hurt again.”

You moved so that you were leaning against the sink next to Aly and you took her hand in yours. “Aly,” you whispered. “Aaron has never,  _ ever _ made me feel small. It’s the opposite, actually. I’m my best self around him. He makes me feel like the person I have the potential to be.”

Aly’s mouth opened and closed and she debated whether or not she was going to press the issue even more. “You love him.” It was half a question, half a demand.

Unable to even speak, you let that hang in the air for a brief moment. “Maybe, I don’t know,” you admitted, your tongue heavy in your mouth. “We’ve technically only gone on one real date. But I think I could if I just had the chance. And I think he could love me.”

“I get it,” Aly said finally, after what felt like hours of silence. “And I  _ am _ happy for you. As long as you’re sure that this is what you want.”

A small smile tugged on the corners of your lips as your mind wandered to thoughts of Aaron. “I’ve never been more sure of anything.”

Aly wiped at her eyes with her free hand and she let out a soft chuckle. “Then what are you still doing here? You figured out what you wanted, don’t let me hold you back any longer.”

Your eyes widened as you took in what she was suggesting. Aaron  _ did _ say he’d be waiting up for you, so did it really matter how early you went over to his place? “Okay, will you tell Justin and Ciara that-”

Aly cut you off with a wave of her hand. “I'll figure out an excuse. Or have you forgotten how many times I covered for you when you would sneak out back in high school?”

That actually got a laugh out of you and you pulled Aly into a hug. “You’re the best. Thank you.” You gave her one quick squeeze before dashing out of the theater and calling an Uber.

When you got to Aaron’s apartment, you texted him with shaking hands. You didn’t want to knock in case Jack was asleep, and you could still run away if you knocked. Telling him that you were outside of his house, however, forced you to stay there.

As you waited, you stared at the wood floor of the hallway, your eyes making patterns in the scuff marks. Logically, you knew that Aaron wanted more than what the two of you had now, and that  _ should _ have comforted you, should have made it easier. Instead, all it did was make you think about Aly’s accusation.

Love felt too big and too scary to even be on your radar. You weren’t even sure if being in love was something you were capable or deserving of. It certainly wasn’t what you were looking for when you had accosted Aaron in the banquet room of your college all those years ago, and it wasn’t what you were looking for when you flirted with him in the interrogation room. You couldn’t have known that all of that would have led to where you were at that moment - standing outside of his apartment, the boning of your corset digging into the bruises his fingers and lips had left on you just an hour or so earlier, and ready to bare your soul. You had just jumped off the cliff without any thought to what the water at the bottom was like.

Now you were about to find out. Maybe this would be the first time that Aaron would say no to you, and you weren’t sure what you would do if that happened.

There were a few soft clicks of the door unlocking, and it swung open to reveal a confused Aaron, who was in an old George Washington University shirt and a pair of pajamas pants. 

“Is everything alright?” he asked, concern evident on his face. He could read the nervousness on your face and the way your hands twisted together. “Shouldn’t you be at the show?”

“I sort of ditched before it even started,” you admitted sheepishly. 

Aaron’s frown deepened. “If it’s because of what I said and did, I’m truly sorry. I shouldn’t have acted like that. You are free to go on dates with whoever-”

You cut him off with a breathless chuckle. “No, it’s okay. I kind of liked it. And that’s not why I left. I mean, it is, but for a totally different reason. Can I come in?”

Aaron hadn’t even realized that he was still blocking the doorway, so he quickly stepped to the side, giving you plenty of room to walk through, although you still brushed by him as you came in.

“So why  _ did _ you leave early?” he questioned. “I know you like that show.”

There was no going back now. “Yeah, I do. I love it, actually. And I should have enjoyed it, but the entire time, I was miserable, and I kept thinking about how much more fun I would be having if you were there with me. And I realized that all I want-” The words got caught in your throat.

The concern left Aaron’s face, and instead was replaced with the hint of a grin, tugging at the corners of his lips. He was trying and failing to keep the smile off his face. “You want me to go see  _ Rocky Horror _ with you?” he asked, his voice soft.

“You’re not making this very easy on me,” you huffed, but there was no heat in your words, and you reached out to hold Aaron’s hand.

Aaron covered your hand with both of his and he pulled it into his chest. You could feel his heartbeat, and the steady rhythm comforted you. “I’m sorry,” he chuckled, clearly not very sorry. “I’ll make it easier. What do you want?”

“You. All of you,” you told him, and it was like all of the weight you had been carrying was lifted off your chest. “And a chance to see where this could go. If it’s not what you want, I get it, and we can totally forget everything that I just said and go back to-”

“Stop talking,” Aaron mumbled before cutting you off with a kiss. He kept your hand pressed against his chest, but he moved one of his hands to cup the side of your neck so that his thumb was running across your cheek as he pulled you in closer. The kiss outside of the restaurant was  _ nothing _ compared to this.

“I take it-” You muttered in between kisses. “This is a yes?”

You felt Aaron’s lips curl into a smile against yours and he laughed. He pulled away and rested his forehead on yours, and his hand never let go of yours. “Yes, it’s definitely a yes.”

“And I was right? You  _ were _ jealous?” you teased, and you were rewarded as Aaron’s face flushed.

“Immensely,” he admitted shamelessly. “Although I  _ am  _ sorry that you had to miss your show tonight.”

You shrugged. “This was more than worth it.”

“We can watch it together, if you want,” Aaron offered. “I think I have it. We can do a movie night.”

You lifted your free hand so that you could run your fingers through the hair at the base of Aaron’s neck. “I don’t want to wake up Jack.”

“Jack can sleep through anything,” Aaron promised. “Including every single New Years and Fourth of July fireworks show I’ve taken him to.”

You giggled and pushed yourself up on your toes so that you could press a kiss to Aaron’s cheek. “Okay, you’ve convinced me. In that case, I’m going to get changed into something more comfortable.”

You went to pull away from Aaron, but he kept a firm grip on your hand, an almost childish pout on his lips, as his eyes raked you up and down. “You don’t have to get changed,” he mused, his gaze settling on your chest and the way you were almost spilling out of the top of your corset. “I personally think you look great.”

A laugh escaped your lips as you swatted him playfully. “Mhm, nice try, Hotchner. But if you’re wearing pajamas, then so will I.”

Aaron gave you a small smile as he let go of your hand, and you quickly made your way to his bedroom. You changed into a pair of his sweats and one of his quarter zips. You were practically drowning in fabric, but there was something so comforting in being curled up in Aaron’s clothes, and when you walked back out to his living room and Aaron saw you in his clothes, you were pretty sure he liked that image more than you in your nicest lingerie. 

“Do you want anything to eat?” he called out from the kitchen. “I can make popcorn? Or I have chips or ice cream?”

“Ice cream?” you suggested, perking up, and Aaron came back with two spoons and a half-full pint of Ben and Jerry’s. You grabbed the throw blanket from the arm of the couch to lay across your laps and he went ahead and started the movie. The whole scene was domestic and easy and all the things that you couldn’t have imagined even in your wildest dreams.

Aaron sat at the end of the couch, his arm slung over the back, and you tucked your legs underneath yourself as you cautiously leaned into his chest. The second you made contact with him, the arm that was across the back of the couch lowered so that it was now wrapped around your body. You held onto the pint of the ice cream as your spoons clashed to get the cookie dough chunks.

“I’m surprised you suggested watching this,” you told him as the music started. “It doesn’t seem like your type of movie.”

“You wanted to watch it,” he said automatically, not even thinking about his answer, like it was the most obvious reasoning. “Besides, I went to a few showings in college. You’re forgetting that I was about your age at its peak.”

You tilted your head back to look up at him, a mischievous smirk on your face. “Oh? Does that mean I could convince you to go to an actual showing with me? Maybe even dress up.”

Aaron laughed sarcastically. “I’m not going to dress up,” he muttered dryly.

“I think you would look good in fishnets,” you teased.

“No thank you. I’m going to leave those to you,” he said, dropping a kiss to your forehead, and all you could do was grin and completely melt faster than the ice cream you were holding.

He wanted you.  _ Aaron _ wanted you, and it was a wonderful feeling.

Somehow throughout the movie, the two of you had shifted so that Aaron was laying with his back against the arm of the couch, and you were laying with your head on his chest and your body in between his legs. You were mindlessly tracing patterns into his chest, and the movie slowly became background noise.

“What was it with the whole ‘all you have to do is ask’ and ‘whatever you want’ thing, anyway?” you asked suddenly, and you felt Aaron stiffen beneath you.

“What do you mean?”

You shrugged. It wasn’t something you had given much thought to, even though it was always so present with Aaron. Outside of the bedroom, he rarely ever told you what he wanted, and instead, let you take the lead and make all of the choices and he just followed with whatever you wanted. “I don’t know, I guess I just could never figure out why you were so insistent on it. I have theories, but I don’t think any of them are true.”

Aaron slowly dragged his fingertips up and down your arm, leaving goosebumps in his wake as he thought about how to answer. “Because I learned a long time ago that I don’t get the things I want,” he whispered, so quietly that you almost didn’t hear him. “And whenever I go for the things I want, I somehow mess it up.”

“Aaron…” you whispered. “That’s not true.”

His eyes were unfocused as he stared blankly at the screen. “It is. I was an absent father and husband. I couldn’t protect my own brother, and I’m barely keeping the BAU together. I’ve made a lot of mistakes because I was guided by my own desires. So I forced myself to stop wanting things, and I make sure that everybody else gets their needs met, and I hope that it’s enough to not screw everything up.”

You twisted so that you were facing him and you ran your fingers through his hair, the way you knew calmed him down. You weren’t sure what to say to that. It was the most open and vulnerable Aaron had been with you, maybe ever. 

“That sounds like a lonely way to live.”

Aaron finally looked at you and his hand, almost subconsciously, reached for yours. “It’s not as bad as I make it sound,” he told you, although it sounded like he was trying to convince himself more than you.

You brought his hand up to your lips and kissed his knuckles. “You don’t have to worry about that with me,” you promised. “I like the Aaron who's ambitious and wants things. I want to hear about it.”

Aaron stared at you with an unreadable expression, but the frown lines in his face seemed to fade. “I want you,” he said finally. “I have for a while.”

“You have me now,” you whispered, leaning in close to him.

The movie was long forgotten as he pulled you into him, and there was something unspoken in the kiss. And when he brought you to his bedroom, he made sure that his lips touched every inch of your body, like he was seeing you for the first time. And when he fucked you, every thrust was purposeful and deep, like he didn’t want it to end, and he kept his fingers interlaced with yours above your head the whole time. And when he held you after, you kept your head on his chest so that you could listen to his racing heartbeat.

“You were wrong, you know,” you told him as the two of you laid in the afterglow.

“About?” he asked, his voice distant.

“About screwing everything up. I’m still here, aren’t I?”

Aaron took a deep breath and you let yourself be comforted by the steady rise and fall of his chest. “You’re the one thing in my life I haven’t screwed up,” he admitted as he wrapped his arms around you just a little bit tighter and prayed to whoever or whatever was out there that it would stay true.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it happened, y'all. 15 chapters later, they're together. we did it. thank you so SO much for sticking through it with me.


	16. Daylight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soft hotch soft hotch soft hotch
> 
> (but also i am incapable of writing anything without just the slightest bit of angst, so yano)

_ I don't wanna look at anything else now that I saw you _

_ I don't wanna think of anything else now that I thought of you _

_ \- Taylor Swift, “Daylight” _

_ ~~~~~~~ _

When the heatwave hit the city, it gave no warning. One morning, the temperature just jumped up to the mid-’80s with humidity so high that it felt like you were suffocating. Your apartment, unfortunately, had no A/C and shit insulation, so there was no escape from the oppressive heat.

Well, almost no escape, because while  _ your _ apartment had no A/C, you knew somebody who not only had A/C, but would almost definitely be running it and couldn’t say no to you. You laid down on the cool hardwood floor in front of your fan and pulled out your phone, immediately dialing Aaron.

“Hotchner,” came his formal greeting, and you giggled to yourself.

“Do you ever check caller ID, or do you just assume that every phone call you get is the end of the world?” you teased.

On his side of the phone, Aaron smiled, the reaction becoming involuntary at the sound of your voice.  _ When did that start to happen? _ “It makes for a nice surprise when you call.”

Your heart fluttered. “Speaking of surprises, if you’re home, I was thinking of bringing you over some lunch? If you have work to do, I can just hang out. I’ve been told that I’m a  _ fantastic _ motivator. And I’m an even better reward,” you added, lowering your voice seductively. You weren’t above a little bribery.

Aaron chuckled and sat back in his desk chair, knowing full well that he was the one who had said that to you on multiple occasions. “Oh, you are. The best reward. But are you sure that this has nothing to do with you wanting to sit in my air conditioning?”

You grinned to yourself, feeling like a love-struck teenager. Being with Aaron recaptured that dizzying and thrilling feeling of falling for somebody for the first time - laying on your bedroom floor, on the phone with the guy you liked, and twirling a piece of hair between your fingers.

“You caught me,” you admitted shamelessly. “But I wasn't kidding about lunch, if you’re hungry.”

“Were you kidding about the motivation and reward?”

You laughed. “I’m never kidding about that, but we’ll see if you even get any work done. I’ll be there in a little bit.”

You said your goodbyes before hanging up, and you laid in front of your fan for a few moments longer, hoping to avoid the heat as long as possible. You changed into a pair of shorts and a tank top and put your hair into low pigtails, just to get it off the back of your neck as much as possible. You grabbed your backpack because, hey, maybe you would get work done, too, and quickly made your way towards Aaron’s.

A few stops and 30 minutes later, you were outside Aaron’s door, a bag of Vietnamese take out in your hand. You had barely knocked on the door when Aaron opened it, and he leaned casually against the door frame. He was clearly feeling the heatwave, too, because he was dressed in an old t-shirt and a pair of basketball shorts. He looked like he was ready to go on a five-mile run.

He looked you up and down slowly, and you had to fight the smile that was growing on your lips. “Hi. These are cute,” he mumbled, reaching out and twirling one of your pigtails around his finger. “Did you wear them just for me?” He gave the pigtail a soft tug, and you swatted him on the chest playfully.

“I haven’t even come all the way inside and you’re already propositioning me?” you joked, swooping around him and holding up the takeout bag. “Besides, the food will be cold, and I went all the way to that Vietnamese place with-”

“-with the really good spring rolls?” Aaron finished with a grin, and the doe-eyed, worshipful look he gave you was enough to make your knees weak and your pulse flutter inside of your chest. “You’re too good to me.”

“And you’re sweet,” you replied, and all Aaron could do was smile wordlessly because those were words that hadn’t been said to him in years.

You dropped the takeout bag onto his coffee table and you draped yourself over his couch. Your legs were over the arm of the couch and your head was almost hanging over the edge. The bottom of your shirt rode up just slightly as you basked in the cool air. Outside, it was too hot to do anything - work, breath, even  _ think _ \- but Aaron’s apartment was a haven from the heat and humidity. 

Out of the corner of your eye, you saw a small stack of papers sitting on the edge of the coffee table, and you could just glance at the header -  _ The George Washington Law Review - _ and in the byline was your name. He had printed out your article and was reading it on his own time, which shouldn’t have been a big deal, but it made your insides feel all gooey all the same.

Aaron grabbed some plates from the kitchen and brought them over to his couch. He lifted your legs so that he could sit down, and then let your legs drape over his lap as he started to put together a plate of lunch.

The two of you stayed in comfortable silence as Aaron ate and you stole chunks of lemongrass chicken from his plate. “No Jack today?” you asked suddenly as you realized why it was so quiet.

“He’s at a sleepaway science camp with the rest of his school this weekend,” he explained.

You raised an amused eyebrow as you propped yourself up on your elbows. “That should be fun for him. Fresh air, freedom… I’m surprised you let him go, though. You must be going crazy.”

“Why?  I let Jack do lots of things. And there are plenty of trained chaperones who have been taking care of kids for a very long time without anything happening,” he contended.

You nodded, completely unconvinced. “Mhm. And how often are you making them check in with you?”

Aaron shot you a sheepish smile, his way of telling you that you were right. “Jessica convinced me to not go that far, so I gave them a…  _ tempered _ reminder that I’m FBI and suggested the possibility of keeping an eye on the camp from headquarters.”

Laughing, you sat up fully, and Aaron rested his free hand on your leg. “And all of the camp counselors thank you for that, I’m  _ sure,” _ you told him, grabbing another chunk of chicken from off his plate.

Aaron snatched his plate away, although only by a few inches, and it was still easily within your reach. “I brought two plates out for a reason, you know?”

“And get an extra plate unnecessarily dirty? Nah, we can share.” 

Aaron watched in poorly hidden amusement as you scooted closer to him and continued to pick food off of his plate. The two of you ate your lunch slowly, chatting easily about anything and everything. He listened intently as you ranted animatedly about the three-piece suit guy in your classes, and you played with his hair as he told you about Derek’s latest plan to cheat at poker against Spencer. It was easy now that neither of you had to hide your feelings. He got to be  _ Aaron _ around you, and it was an identity that he hadn’t even realized he had lost.

Out of the corner of your eye, you could see the files stacked up on his desk. You both realized that he had work to get back to, although neither of you were willing to leave your spots on the couch first. You took the empty plate from his hand and pressed a quick kiss to his cheek.

“I should stop distracting you from your work,” you said as you stood up to put the plate in the kitchen.

Before you could even take a step away, though, Aaron’s hand caught your hip and he pulled you back towards the couch. You yelped as your legs hit the edge of the couch and you fell forward. Your free hand shot out in front of you to help brace yourself. You landed so that your face was hovering over Aaron’s, who looked rather proud of himself. “But you’re such a welcome distraction,” he told you as his thumb brushed the small strip of skin that was exposed as your tank top rode up.

You laughed and captured his lips in a kiss, smiling the whole time. You blindly set the plate down on the side table and moved so that you were straddling Aaron. One of his hands snaked up your body until it could cup the back of your neck, and he maneuvered so that he was now laying on the couch with you on top of him. You trailed kisses down his neck, nipping at a spot that you knew was particularly sensitive, just to hear his soft moans of pleasure.

The two of you separated just long enough for him to pull your shirt off, carelessly tossing it somewhere behind him. “God, you’re beautiful,” he whispered, letting his hands run down the bare skin of your back before pulling you back in for another kiss. Aaron was addicted to the taste of your strawberry flavored chapstick and the softness of your lips and the way that he could feel you smiling against him without even having to look.

Your fingers teased at the waistband of his shorts, but the sound of his phone ringing tore the two of you apart. An involuntary groan of annoyance escaped you as you detangled yourself from Aaron, and he gave you an apologetic look. You knew that he was always on call for his job, and you were fine with that, but getting cockblocked by the FBI never got any less frustrating.

Aaron got off the couch and grabbed his phone, frowning as he looked at who was calling him. “Agent Hotchner,” he answered as he turned his back towards you for some semblance of privacy. You got up and grabbed your shirt, which had landed on the corner of his TV, and only eavesdropped a little bit.

“Yes ma’am, I am… Of course, I completely understand… I can be there within the hour… Yes ma’am. I will see you then.” Aaron hung up with a deep sigh, and when he turned around, he was rubbing his temples with the hand not holding his phone.

“You have a case?” you asked softly.

“No,” he said after a beat of silence. “I just have to go in for a meeting Strauss scheduled last minute.”

You frowned. “Is everything okay? Did something happen?”

A hint of a smile played on the corners of Aaron’s lips, although it didn’t reach his eyes. “Everything is fine. It’s just about budgets and bureaucratic red tape and the like. It could probably all wait until Monday, so my guess is Strauss is getting pressure from the director to finish the annual reports sooner rather than later.”

You nodded in understanding. You knew that the more administrative part of the job was Aaron’s least favorite part, but it, unfortunately, came with the position of unit chief. “That sucks. I’ll grab my stuff and let you get ready.”

“No, you don’t have to leave,” he said, shaking his head. “I know how hot your apartment gets, I’m sure it’s miserable. This shouldn’t take too long, so you’re welcome to stay here.” Aaron grabbed his go-bag which was sitting by the entrance from his last case and reached into one of the side pockets. When his hand emerged, he was holding something small and silver.

“If you need to leave for anything or you just want to go home, you can take the spare key to lock up,” Aaron explained, and you caught the slightest bit of nervousness in his voice. 

You smiled sweetly as you plucked it out of his hand. “I’ll guard it with my life,” you promised jokingly.

Aaron pressed a kiss to your cheek before rushing to his bedroom to get changed. You used that time to put the plates from lunch into the dishwasher. Aaron came back out a few minutes later, dressed in one of his work suits and carrying his briefcase. The whole scene was so domestic and you weirdly liked it.

“Good luck,” you called out to Aaron as he gathered the last of his papers. “Don’t get fired.”

Aaron shot you an open-mouthed grin as he reached for the door handle. “I will try my hardest,” he joked back before rushing out of the door.

It was a good thing you had brought your school bag, because it was the perfect time to keep working on your thesis. You were only on page 73 of your first draft, which was putting you way behind schedule. Grabbing a bag of your favorite chips, you got comfortable at the kitchen table and began to work.

An hour and a half into research and the words were already swimming on your computer screen. You had written  _ something,  _ although the quality of it left something to be desired, and you were sure that if you read it over, it would make no sense.

Luckily, you were saved from having to reread what you wrote by your email chiming, notifying you of a new message. You switched tabs and opened the message, eyes widening as you skimmed over it.

_ Y/N Y/L/N, _

_ This is an official notification from the Virginia Board of Parole that the inmate listed below will be considered for parole in a private hearing. As the next-of-kin of the victim, you are invited to speak and participate in the hearing process. The parole hearing will take place… _

You slammed your computer shut and shoved it away from yourself as you tried to calm yourself down. Seven count breath in, hold for four, exhale for eight. Your dad was being considered for parole. You knew it was a possibility - he was convicted of second-degree murder, sentenced 10 to life. He had been in prison for 12 years at this point, so you had just assumed that he would never get the chance to be paroled.

But now you did, and you were going to have to go and speak and face him for the first time in 12 years. The thought made your blood turn to ice.

You stared at your closed computer like it was a bomb about to go off. Eventually, you’d have to open it, but knowing that you would be met with the dreaded email made you never want to open it again.

No, you’d just take a break from that, focus on something - _ anything  _ \- else. You checked your phone to see if Aaron had texted you to tell you when he was going to be home, but you had no notifications.

Desperate for some sort of distraction, you looked around Aaron’s kitchen. Baking was a good distraction. Hopefully, Aaron had some ingredients on hand. You pulled up a recipe for cookies on your phone and dug through his cabinets. Luckily, he had pretty much everything, but you were going to have to switch the chocolate chips for M&Ms.

You got to work on the cookies with more focus than a Great British Bake Show contestant. You could do this. You were a big, tough girl who was about to be a badass lawyer and you could deal with this without completely falling apart. You weren’t going to give your dad any power over you, not when life was going so well. So you played your mom’s favorite album, Tom Petty’s  _ Wildflowers, _ and blasted it as loud as your phone speakers would allow you to- loud enough to drown out all the thoughts in your head.

By the time you had put the cookies in the oven, you were having a good time and even dancing around a little. In fact, you barely even registered the front door opening until you heard Aaron’s soft laughter break through the music.

You turned around and stopped right in your tracks, your face turning bright red from embarrassment. Aaron, on the other hand, looked positively enamored. “You’re back already,” you squeaked.

Aaron grinned as he strode towards you. “I am. And I like the music choice, although isn’t this practically considered oldies for you?”

You rolled your eyes endearingly. “It was the mid-90’s, old man,” you laughed. “How was your meeting.”

“It was fine. Glad it’s over. What’s going on here?” He gestured to the kitchen counter and all of the baking tools that were strewn across it.

For a brief moment, you considered telling him about the email and about your dad. With his job, he had way more experience with this kind of stuff, and maybe he could offer you advice or some words of comfort. But you had  _ just _ gotten your mind off of it, and Aaron looked so happy in a way that was so rare for him, so you decided you would tell him about it later when it wasn’t so raw. For now, you’d just enjoy your evening with Aaron.

“I’m baking,” you told him. “I hope you don’t mind.”

Aaron leaned against the counter. “Not at all. Is the dancing a part of your baking, too?”

You smirked and held out your hand towards him as the song  _ Wildflowers _ started to play softly in the background. “Well, it is now.” Aaron glanced down at your hand in shock, and you wiggled your fingers as an invitation. “Come on, Hotchner, you brought it up. Dance with me.”

Aaron hesitated for half a second before the corners of his lips lifted in a smile. He slipped off his suit jacket and hung it over the back of one of the kitchen chairs before taking your hand in his and pulling you into him. You draped your free hand over his shoulder and he placed his arm around your waist. 

The two of you swayed back and forth to the song, but the upbeat guitar made it playful and exaggerated. You threw your head back in laughter as he unexpectedly spun you, and when he pulled you back in, he pulled you in so that your back was pressed against his chest and his arms were wrapped around you.

“When did you learn to dance?” you asked, leaning your head back on his shoulder.

“Private school,” he reminded you, pressing a kiss to your cheek before spinning you back out to be facing him.

As the song slowed, your movements slowed until the two of you were just softly swaying in place. “So about that spare key…” you mused. “Do I get to keep it?”

Aaron smiled to himself and, without warning, dipped you. “I’d like it if you did,” he said as he pulled you back upright slowly, and you giggled all the way up.

The two of you didn’t even notice when the song ended and transitioned to the next one. You just kept dancing, laughing each time you tripped over your own feet. Needless to say, the cookies burnt and became completely inedible.

But that was okay. Being loved by Aaron, you decided, was the greatest feeling in the world. And despite everything that was going on with your dad and school, you couldn’t be in a bad mood. Not when Aaron was holding you close to him, and giving you that smile that was only reserved for you. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anyways, most of this is filler, but it sets up the second and third acts of this story + they deserve to be happy after everything i've put them through so far


	17. Feel You Now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is longer and smuttier than i had originally planned, but that seems pretty on par with me. also this was not proof read WHOOPS

_ Way too loud _

_ Can you numb me out? _

_ Can you put me down? _

_ \- The Driver Era, “Feel You Now” _

~~~~~~~

The news about your dad’s parole could not have come at a worse time. You wanted to focus on writing something -  _ anything _ \- to say, but it was right in the middle of midterms, so you had to push that specific task to the side, where it was hovering over you like a storm cloud, ominous, cold, and threatening.

To make matters worse, you had met with your thesis advisor at the beginning of the week to turn in the first draft of your thesis for your forensic psychology program, only to learn that you had misread the requirements and you were short 10 pages to meet the minimum. It may not have seemed like a lot, but you had no idea how you were going to fill in those pages, considering you had written pretty much everything that needed to be said. He had given you until the end of the week to finish it, which was not  _ nearly _ enough time considering you had two other papers, law review edits, and a presentation to finish as well.

Needless to say, you were pulling pretty consistent all nighters, because even when you weren’t doing your work, you just couldn’t turn your brain off. You kept thinking of ways to reach your page count or what you were going to say after seeing your dad for the first time in 12 years. Your mind went to worst case scenarios. If your dad was released, then what? Would you have to move? Would you have to go back to constantly looking over your shoulder and living in fear, the way you had when Aaron was off chasing his demons?

In a desperate attempt to reach your page count, you had stormed into the BAU like a mad woman that morning and begged Rossi to let you interview him for your paper. Your first choice probably would have been Aaron, except for the fact that you had already quoted him multiple times throughout your paper. Besides, you knew your advisor was a big Dave Rossi fan, and when you were friends with the guy who  _ literally _ wrote the books on forensic psychology, why wouldn’t you use him?

A few hours and one breakdown later, you found yourself hunched over your desk at home, trying to ignore the blistering heat. You were frantically transcribing your interview with Rossi when you heard a knock on your door.

“Come in,” you called out instinctively, not even caring to check who the hell was at your door. When you heard footsteps, you spun around in your chair to see Aaron walking inside, a concerned expression on his face. “Oh, Aaron. Hi. What are you doing here?”

That just made Aaron’s brow furrow in worry even more. “I came back to the office from my meeting and Dave said that you came to visit. He seemed pretty worried about you, so I came to check on you.”

You turned back to your laptop and continued your frenzied typing. “Why would he be worried?” you asked, although you knew exactly why he was worried.

Aaron obviously knew you were lying, too, because he propped his hands on his hips, sweeping the edges of his suit jacket back. “He told me you broke down in tears in his office.”

What a  _ narc. _ It was the truth, although you were sure Rossi made it sound way worse than it had been. After the interview, Rossi could tell that you were worried about something, so he made some small talk and asked you how you were doing.

_ “I’m hanging in there,” you had told him, shrugging. “I’ve just got a lot on my mind, and it’s a little overwhelming. But I’ll get through it.” _

_ “I know you will,” he had replied. “And I hope you know that we’re all very proud of you,  _ passerotta.”

And that was all it took for the dam to break. Hot tears of frustration had poured down your face as you spilled everything that was going on to Rossi - everything from your school issues to the thing with your dad. It felt nice to get everything off your chest, especially since Rossi had slowly become like a father figure to you.

So, yeah, you had cried, but it was one of those cries that you just had to get out of your system before you could move on with your day. 

“I’m fine, really, just stressed,” you promised Aaron, but you couldn’t look him in the eyes.

“When is the last time you slept?”

You groaned and turned to look at him. “That’s rich coming from you,” you shot, hoping to get him to drop the subject, but Aaron just stared you down even more. You felt yourself shrink under his gaze and you turned back to your laptop, but your fingers seized up before you could go back to typing. “I’m getting a few power naps in here and there, but I just… I have to finish my work.”

Aaron nodded understandably, no judgment coming from him, just concern. “You need to get some sleep. Your work will still be there when you wake up.”

You shook your head as you squeezed your eyes shut. “I’ve tried. I just can’t turn my brain off.”

He gently pried your laptop away from you, saving your work before setting it to the side. “Trust me, I understand. But you’re not doing yourself any favors.”

“I don’t need to take a nap,” you argued, and Aaron was nice enough to not react to the sound of your voice cracking. “I just… Fuck, I want to not think for a while.”

Aaron knew that feeling all too well, although usually the roles were reversed. Aaron was usually the one who would be burning the candle from both ends while you tried to coax him to go to bed or eat something or, at the very least, drink water. Sometimes after a rough case, he would come to you and you would let him have complete control and fuck his frustrations out, and that seemed to work most times.

The idea hit you both at almost the same time. If it worked with him, it was probably bound to work with you. You rubbed the palms of your hands on the tops of your thighs. “I don’t want to think,” you repeated, dropping your voice so that it was softer, more seductive.

Aaron’s eyes scanned your face in a once over to make sure that you were in a good headspace. “Are you sure?” he double-checked.

You nodded and looked up at him with big, desperate eyes. “I need you to take control. Please,” you begged.

Aaron slowly bent down just enough so that he could place a finger under your chin and tilt your head up to look at him. You chewed on the inside of your cheek in anticipation as Aaron stared you down. From your position sitting in your chair, Aaron looked so tall and domineering and it was  _ exactly _ what you needed.

He dragged his thumb across your upper lip and then your lower lip, his dark eyes never leaving yours. “I’m going to take care of you, baby,” he murmured. “As long as you’re a good girl for me. Can you do that?”

You nodded wordlessly as you felt yourself slip into submission easily. Aaron’s previous soft touches changed as he gripped your face harshly.

“Use your words,” he ordered, bending down so that he was at eye level with you.

“Yes, I can do that… sir,” you added on when he waited expectantly for the honorific. 

“That’s my girl,” he whispered before kissing you, still gripping your cheeks. You let yourself melt into the kiss, trying to put all of your focus on the feeling of him and the smell of his cologne.

Aaron released his grip on your chin and his fingers traced your cheekbones as his hand slowly moved from your face to the back of your head, where his fingers tangled in your hair. He gave your hair a sharp tug, forcing your head to angle up towards him. You let out a soft whimper, but the sound was swallowed by Aaron’s lips pressed against yours.

Your lips moved against his, frantic and hungry as you tried to press yourself into him more, but Aaron’s grip on your hair was unwavering. Even the slightest movement meant that your hair would be pulled, and pain mixed with pleasure shot straight to your pussy, where you could already feel your wetness pooling in your panties.

But it wasn’t enough. You needed more, and in an attempt to get it, you grabbed onto his tie and used it to pull him closer to you, but it had the opposite effect. Aaron pulled away from you and, before you even had the chance to say anything, grabbed both of your wrists to keep them in place.

“You’ll take what I give you,” he warned, his voice dangerously low. “If you get greedy, I  _ will _ tie you up.”

“Please,” you whined, your voice cracking as your wrists wiggled just enough to test Aaron’s grip on you.

The corners of Aaron’s mouth quirked up in a smirk. “Is that what you want? For me to tie you up so that you can be at my mercy? I bet the thought of it gets you so nice and wet for me, huh?”

You let out a soft whimper as he pulled you to a standing position and you nodded quickly, barely able to speak. You shifted your weight back and forth on your feet, squeezing your thighs together as you did, and you must have looked pretty pathetic because Aaron could only laugh mockingly.

“So desperate and needy,” he hummed. “Go ahead, beg for what you want.”

“Please, sir, I want-” you started, but Aaron cut you off with a disappointed shake of his head and soft  _ tsk. _

“That’s not how good girls beg,” he reminded you. “Get on your knees and try again.”

As soon as he let go of your wrists, you dropped to your knees in front of him embarrassingly fast. That was what you wanted - Aaron bossing you around and telling you exactly what to do. You looked up at him through your eyelashes with big doe eyes as you tried your best not to squirm under his heavy, expectant gaze.

“Please use me,” you whispered. “Please fuck me. At least  _ touch _ me. I can be so good for you, I promise.”

Aaron ran his hand through your hair, seemingly thinking about your promise. “You’ve promised that before, yet you still act like a  _ fucking brat,”  _ he hissed, tugging your hair again so that you were looking all the way up at him. When you gasped out, Aaron’s other hand caught your chin in order to keep your mouth open. He bent down and spit directly in your mouth before closing your mouth for you, ensuring you’d swallow. “So I need you to prove you can be good. I want you stripped and on your knees on your bed with your eyes closed. Got it, sweetheart?”

The pet name was said condescendingly, but even then, you couldn’t help but smile. “Yes, sir,” you mumbled out as you stood up on unstable legs. He hadn’t even touched you but you were already shaking with anticipation.

You followed his instructions to a T, desperate to show that you could be obedient. You tossed your clothes carelessly to the side and sat back on your heels on the bed, resting your hands on the tops of your thighs. You took a deep breath, taking a moment to forget all of your problems and let yourself slip into submission.

When you heard Aaron’s footsteps, you had to force yourself to keep your eyes closed, which was especially hard because you couldn’t see the proud look on his face when he cooed out, “Oh Y/N, you  _ are _ my good girl. You follow directions so well. Now keep those pretty eyes closed for me.”

The mattress shifted slightly behind you and you felt Aaron start to kiss down your neck and to your shoulder blades. Suddenly, you felt silk go around the top of your face, and when you opened your eyes, it was still dark. Aaron had used his tie to blindfold you. He secured the tie in a knot on the back of your head and then paused to see if you were going to tell him to stop.

When you didn’t, he let out a soft hum of approval and ran his hands down your bare arms, his fingertips teasingly ghosting over your skin and leaving goosebumps. It wasn’t  _ nearly _ enough contact, and he knew it. He followed the curve of your arms until his hands covered the back of yours. Aaron kissed the back of your neck softly as he roughly grabbed onto your hands and jerked them behind your back.

You felt smooth leather and heard the sound of a metal buckle as Aaron tightened his belt around your wrists, keeping your arms bound behind your back. The only sounds in the room was your shaking breaths and the soft slam of your bedside drawer opening and closing.

Aaron was behind you again quickly and wrapped one of his hands around your throat, squeezing just hard enough so that it made you feel like you were floating. A soft buzz filled the room and before you even had the chance to process what it was, Aaron pressed your vibrator right to your upper inner thigh, so close but so far from your aching clit.

You gasped out and almost moved away in surprise, but Aaron kept you firmly in place as he explored your naked body with the wand. “You look so pretty when you’re shaking and desperate for my cock,” he whispered into your ear, his lips brushing against your skin with every word. He moved the vibrator up your stomach slowly and to your breasts so he could circle your nipple. 

Your physical senses were so overwhelmed and combined with the heat in your apartment, there was no way your mind could keep racing. Quickly, your world was reduced to nothing but Aaron and the feeling of him. It was exactly what you needed without having the words to ask for it, but somehow, Aaron always knew what you needed. 

“I bet you’re so desperate that you're soaking the sheets, aren’t you? Does your greedy pussy want to be filled?” 

He moved the wand to your other nipple, and you could feel tears prick at the corners of your eyes at the thought of being teased for any longer. You were wound up so tight and he  _ still _ hadn’t touched you where you needed him most.

“Fuck, Aaron, please,” you cried out. “I need your cock in me so bad.”

Aaron nipped at your neck, smirking as he did, and his hot breath sent shivers down your spine. “You don’t know what you need.” he cooed condescendingly. “Your tight little cunt is  _ mine,  _ which means only I know what you need. Now, be a good girl for me, and don’t fucking move.”

Aaron pressed your back to his naked chest so that he could hold you in place. Finally - fucking  _ finally _ \- Aaron moved the vibrator to your clit, upping the intensity as he did, and you let out a moan so loud that you were sure you were going to get noise complaints later. You were wound so tightly that you came almost immediately, and your whole body shook. Aaron never removed the vibrator from your clit, even as you started to come down from your orgasm.

Instinctively, your legs started to close at the overstimulation, but Aaron maneuvered you so that fell forward onto the mattress, the side of your face pressed into the sheets. He removed his hand from your throat and brought it in between your shoulder blades, pushing down so that your back was arched for him.

You let out broken whimpers and tugged at the belt that was keeping your wrists together. You could barely focus on anything except for the vibrator, a complete 180 from the teasing he had been doing just a while ago.

He pressed you into the mattress even more and you felt the head of his dick run up and down your slick folds. “I told you not to  _ fucking _ move. Or do you want me to punish you?”

“I’ll be good,” you panted.

Aaron lowered the intensity of your vibrator just slightly as he positioned it so it was right in between you and the mattress, not going anywhere. You could already feel a second orgasm creeping up on you. 

“Yes you will,” he demanded. “And you’re going to take every inch of me like the good whore you are. And every time you cum, you’re going to thank me.”

He entered you in one fluid motion, knocking you on top of your vibrator with every thrust, and you were sure that your eyes were practically rolled into the back of your head at this point. He kept one hand pressed down firmly between your shoulder blades, and his other hand gripped at your hips, digging his nails into your skin, just enough to leave little indents. 

“Such a good girl,” he grunted, and you felt him go deeper into you. “Taking my cock so well. I could -  _ fuck _ \- could stay inside you all day. So fucking tight and wet.”

You cried out as your second orgasm hit you, and even with his tie covering your eyes, you could feel hot tears roll down your cheeks at the constant stimulation. “Tha- ah- thank you, Aaron,” you whispered as your legs shook.

Again, the vibrator stayed exactly where it was, although you were able to shift just enough so that it wasn’t directly on your clit. Each of Aaron’s thrusts were skillful and purposeful, hitting just the right spot in you every single time. You tugged at your restraints as Aaron pulled your hips back to meet his. By now, Aaron knew your body almost better than he knew his own, and he knew that with your two orgasms already, your third wasn’t far behind. He was determined to get you there.

“I wish you could see yourself, baby,” he said as he leaned over you to kiss your shoulder blades, but his words had to be choked out, which meant he was close, too. “You’re practically dripping down your thighs as you let me use you. Such a pretty mess.”

One particularly deep thrust from Aaron and your third orgasm crashed over you like a wave, and all you could do was open your mouth in a silent scream. Just as the overstimulation bordered on too much, Aaron’s movements slowed as he released inside of you, biting down on the top of your shoulder as he came. When he came down from his high, he reached around to turn off the wand and pushed it to the side.

Aaron whispered praises in your ear as he quickly undid your restraints and blindfold. You blinked a few times as your eyes adjusted to the light, and once they did, you were met with the sight of Aaron, who had a soft flush covering his cheeks and his chest.

Your eyes felt heavy as the lack of sleep  _ finally _ caught up with you, and Aaron had to reach over to help you stay up. You were shivering, your whole body cold. “Hold on, sweetheart,” he whispered, his voice full of care. “Let’s get you warmed up first, okay? And then we’ll get you to bed.”

He helped you make your way towards your bathroom, asking if you wanted a shower or a bath. You mumbled out something incoherent about a shower, but once you stepped in and Aaron turned the water on, you sat down in the tub and relished in the feeling of water splashing across your face, warming your shivering body.

Aaron stayed next to you the whole time, holding your hand and pressing soft kisses to your knuckles.

“How are you feeling?” he asked softly.

“Good. Was what I needed,” you murmured, sinking lower into the tub. “Tired.”

Aaron let out a breathy chuckle. “I bet you are. Can you stay here while I get you something to change into you?” Noticing your frown and your tightened hold on his hand, Aaron continued. “I’ll be right back. You won’t even notice I’m gone, okay?”

You reluctantly let go of his hand and closed your eyes as you waited. For the first time in a while, everything felt calm and slowed down. Just as promised, Aaron was back a few minutes later, fully dressed, with a towel and some pajamas. It wasn’t even night time yet, but Aaron was hoping you would fall asleep and stay asleep.

Aaron turned off the water and helped you out. You got changed and he walked you back into your bedroom. He had taken your comforter off your bed, presumably to wash it, and placed another blanket in its place, and you were all too happy to flop onto your mattress as exhaustion overtook you.

You buried your face in a pillow and curled up on top of the sheets, your body still warm from the shower. In your dazed state, you reached your hand out to where you guessed Aaron would be. “Are you going to leave?” you asked, and the question felt much heavier to Aaron than you probably meant it to be.

Still, Aaron brought the blanket up over you. “No. I’ll be here when you wake up, I promise.”

You buried your face into your pillow and whispered something completely incoherent, but Aaron got the gist of what you were saying, and that was all he needed.

About two hours later, you rubbed the sleep out of your eyes and made your way towards your living room, where Aaron was standing on a chair, fiddling with a lightbulb.

“Good morning,” he greeted, grinning at your sleepy yawn. “I didn’t think you’d be up so soon. I thought I tired you out pretty good.”

“Got hungry,” you told him, padding your way towards the kitchen. You poured yourself a bowl of cereal. It was almost 8 at night and cereal wasn’t a nutritious dinner in the slightest, but you just needed something in you so you could go back to bed.

You turned around just as Aaron was climbing down from the chair, and your eyebrows scrunched up. “What are you doing?” you asked.

Aaron brushed his hands on the tops of his jeans. “You mentioned that your landlord wasn’t doing anything about your buzzing light, so I went ahead and fixed it. I think. If I made it worse, just send me the bill.”

You thanked him with a smile and kissed his cheek as he made his way towards you. You both sat at your kitchen table, sitting in comfortable silence as you ate your cereal.

“Thank you for today,” you told him. “It was exactly what I needed to just… reset.”

“Of course,” he nodded. “So are you ready to tell me what was bothering you?” You opened your mouth to protest, but Aaron continued to talk. “I know  _ you,  _ which means I know that it’s more than just school. You can talk to me.”

“It’s my dad,” you admitted. “He has a parole hearing coming up in a few days.”

“And they want you to give a victim impact statement?”

You nodded wordlessly and pushed your cereal around, suddenly not very hungry. “I don’t know if I even want to.”

Aaron reached across the table to hold your free hand, a small reminder that he was there. “Why not?”

You pushed your bowl to the side as the temperature in your tiny apartment seemed to skyrocket, even with a fan blowing directly onto you and Aaron. “I don’t know what I would even say. I don’t know how I can even face him. God, I thought I was done having to worry about murderers in my life.”

Aaron grimaced at that as guilt shot through him, but he didn’t say anything. It wasn’t an attack towards him, he knew that much. You probably didn’t even realize you had said it. “You don’t have to go,” he reminded you gently. “Unlike at a sentencing, there’s no proof that victim impact statements at parole hearings affect the board’s decision. You can just skip it.”

“And chicken out and let them release him so he can go after me? No thanks,” you snapped, but you quickly softened. “I’m sorry, you’re just trying to help. I just don’t know what I’m going to do.”

Aaron shook his head and brushed off your outburst. “It’s okay, you don’t need to apologize,” he promised. “When is the hearing?”

“Four days.”

“If I don’t get called out on a case before then, I’ll take a half day from work and take you.”

You sat up a little taller at his offer. “You don’t have to do that,” you protested half heartedly. In truth, you really wanted him there. He wouldn’t be able to be in the hearing room with you, but at least knowing that he would be right outside those doors would provide you with the comfort you would need.

“It’s no problem,” Aaron assured you. “We’ll get through this.”

You really didn’t want Aaron to feel he needed to get dragged into this mess, but there was something about the way that Aaron said “we” instead of “you” that made you agree. You didn’t feel like you were jumping off the side of a cliff with Aaron, anymore. Instead, it was starting to feel like a leap of faith.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello friends!! just as a heads up, i just got a job (!!!) but that means updates might come a bit more slowly than before. 
> 
> anyways, i love you all and thank you for reading!!!


	18. Flames

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you know that TikTok sound that goes "I'm currently eating sushi. it's very yummy and - no :("
> 
> That's basically this chapter. I let them be happy for a while, but now we really get to focus on all that wonderful internalized trauma, and it all goes downhill from here. You're welcome :)
> 
> Anyways, the parole hearing was supposed to be in this chapter, but it really got away from me, and I want to be able to make the hearing the main focus of the chapter.
> 
> ALSO, I made a little writing Tumblr, where I'll be sharing some insights/cut scenes/etc about this story (and other projects!!). and I'll just be acting like a little nerd on there, so if you want to talk to me at all about anything, you can come hang out with me [here!!!](https://the-modernmary.tumblr.com/) I'd love to just be able to talk to y'all.

_If I knew how_

_I'd calm your nights_

_And soothe your soul_

_And I'd clear your sight_

_Oh, I would fix you_

_I'd put things back in place_

_And wave goodbye to bygone days_

_\- BOY, “Flames”_

_~~~~~~~_

You couldn’t sleep.

In theory, you should have been able to. It had been a non-stop day for you and you were pretty exhausted. You and Aaron had split a bottle of wine during dinner and now you were curled up by his side, the A/C set at the perfect temperature so that you didn’t have to let go of Aaron once throughout the night. The soft rise and fall of Aaron’s chest should have lured you into sleep.

But there you were. It was almost dawn, and you hadn’t slept for more than half an hour at a time. You rolled your head to the side to look at the alarm clock on Aaron’s nightstand.

**5:46 am**

Your alarm was set to go off in less than an hour, so there was no point in even trying to go back to bed. Maybe you’d make Aaron and Jack a nice breakfast, as a way of saying ‘thank you’ for them letting you practically live at their apartment the past week.

For all intents and purposes, you were only spending so much time at Aaron’s because of the heatwave and the whole thing with your dad. He hadn’t wanted you to be alone, cooped up in your apartment and uncomfortably hot. That being said, you would be lying if you said that staying at Aaron’s place didn’t make you feel the most at home that you had felt in a long time. But that was something to unpack for another time.

As you slowly untangled yourself from the sheets and sat up, you felt Aaron’s arm reach out to keep you from leaving.

“Where you goin’?” he grumbled, eyes closed and still half asleep.

You leaned over to press a soft kiss to his temple. “Making breakfast. Go back to sleep,” you whispered, brushing back some of the hair that had fallen into his eyes. 

Leaning over Aaron gave him the perfect position to pull you back down into the bed, and he buried his face in your neck. “We’ll get to-go.” His morning voice was rough and scratchy and his lips brushed your skin with every word. “Stay.”

God, was that tempting. In this state, you could probably convince him to call into work sick, and the two of you could just waste the day tangled up together. But you knew better than that, and Aaron probably didn’t even realize what he was saying. “Hm, next time,” you promised as you climbed out of bed. “I’ll wake you up when breakfast is done.”

Aaron reached blindly for your pillow and pulled it close to him. A sleepy smile appeared on his face as he pushed the pillow he was laying on onto the floor. He quickly replaced it with your pillow, breathing in the smell of your shampoo and the lavender pillow spray you used.

You quietly and quickly got changed and went through your morning routine, keeping your eyes forward the whole time, not taking any time to look around. You didn’t have to avert your eyes from anything remotely personal in Aaron’s apartment anymore, but it was a habit from almost a year of sneaking around that you had yet to break. Especially as you were tiptoeing around in the dark, careful not to wake Jack or Aaron, it was hard to not feel like you were intruding in their lives.

You forced yourself to look over at your notes that were scattered on the kitchen table, multiple versions of your victim impact statement, all awful. None of the drafts you had written up were usable. They were all either way too emotional to the point where you weren’t sure if you would be able to get through it without bursting into tears, or they were cold and clinical and professional. You _could_ work on it more and get something that was even just slightly readable.

_Or,_ you thought as your eyes moved to look somewhere safer, _you had told Aaron you’d make breakfast. You could just do that instead and live in ignorant bliss for a little while longer._

So that’s what you did. You tossed a kitchen towel over your shoulder and got to work on cutting up apples for cinnamon apple pancakes, going through the repetitive motions mindlessly and pretending that everything was okay and not completely falling apart.

Anxiety shot through you as your stomach churned, like ocean waves crashing onto the rocky shore, bubbling and foaming as they receded and crashed over and over and over again. It was a feeling that you had gotten way too familiar with in your life — the feeling that there was danger lurking around every corner. That stepping outside of your house meant signing your own death certificate. The fear that every person you met was hiding a knife behind their back, just waiting for the chance to strike at you.

If your dad was released, it would technically be a step up from the fear that had been lurking in the back of your mind the past two years without Aaron. At least then you would know who to be afraid of, instead of jumping every time a stranger got a little too close to you.

God, the bar was on the fucking floor.

The fucked up silver lining to all of this was that the sadness and fear that would come if your dad was released would probably be the same as the day he was arrested — intense, sharp, and full of anger. Unignorable, but easy to numb. The kind of reaction that people would understand and be empathetic to.

Nothing like what Aaron had left you with, blindsided and full of unanswered questions. No, the pain Aaron had left you with was different and ate you from the inside until you became a person people didn’t recognize anymore. Easy to ignore for a while until it all came back at once. It was a dull, neverending ache.

_Was,_ you reminded yourself as a sleepy Aaron padded out of his bedroom, eyes heavy and hair sticking in every direction. 

“G’mornin’,” he grumbled as he came up behind you and wrapped his arms around your waist. “Smells good.”

You forced a smile onto your face as you covered his arms with yours, interlacing your fingers with him. His skin was warm to the touch despite the A/C blasting. “I told you I’d wake you up when it was ready. Go back to bed.”

“Got lonely,” he whispered as he dropped a soft kiss onto your neck. The sun had started to peak out above the horizon, and as the light passed through the windows, it flooded the kitchen in hues of orange and pink. “M’used to sleeping with you there.”

_Was,_ you reminded yourself again as you closed your eyes and leaned your head back against Aaron’s shoulder, letting yourself live in that moment before you had to come back to your bleak reality. You wanted one good, blissful memory to preserve in a jar to keep in the back of your mind. A little reminder that no matter how horrible things had gotten, you still had this little bubble of protection and happiness. That it wasn’t just about sex and being a replacement anymore. Aaron wanted _you_ and all the things that came with it.

A soft, barely contained yawn left Aaron’s mouth as he wrapped his arms around you tighter. “What’s the occasion?”

“No occasion. I was awake,” you shrugged. “A thank you for letting me stay here.”

“Jack and I are both very happy to have you here,” he whispered. “Need any help?”

You turned in his arms so that you were face to face with him. His perpetual worry lines had softened in his sleep. Despite his drowsy expressions, his eyes lit up when you patted his cheek softly.

“Nah, I’ve got it,” you told him, brushing your thumb across his cheekbone.

Aaron glanced at the clock on the microwave, and you were shocked to see how much time had gone by already. 

“Then I’m going to go wake up Jack,” he told you and gave you that small, barely-there smile that was meant only for you. 

You finished making the pancakes as Aaron went to wake Jack, and when the pair of them walked back into the kitchen, Aaron carrying Jack, you could barely contain your giggles.

Jack looked infinitely more annoyed than Aaron about being woken up, and he was rubbing his eyes as he rested his head on Aaron’s shoulder. Both of them had a bad case of bedhead, Jack’s more so because, for the life of him, Aaron could not figure out how to get that boy to sit down for a haircut.

“Come on, buddy,” Aaron said, setting Jack down on one of the chairs. “Y/N made us breakfast.”

Jack thanked you as you slid a plate over to him. He was much more awake now that he had the promise of pancakes and you only half-listened to his stories about being the class line leader. Being there, at the breakfast table with Jack and Aaron felt like too much at that moment. Every breath you took felt like somebody was squeezing your lungs, and the humidity seemed to be seeping inside of the apartment, rendering the A/C useless. 

You pushed your food around on your plate, afraid that if you ate anything, it would all come right back up. Aaron watched you with concern but didn’t say anything. He would ask you about it later, in private. 

Your phone lit up as a calendar reminder popped up. Since you were missing one of your classes for the parole hearing, your professor was letting you attend her morning lecture. She had originally told you to not even worry about class and to take all the time you needed, but you had to do something to keep your mind preoccupied. You couldn’t stay in that apartment all morning.

“If I want any chance at a parking spot, I should head out,” you told Aaron, hoping he wouldn’t question why you were leaving so early. 

Aaron studied you silently for a few moments before giving you a slight nod. “Okay. Am I still driving you today?”

Your tongue darted out between your lips as you felt your mouth go dry. “Yeah. If you can. Having you there will make it easier. But I know you have work and if it’s not a good time I-”

“I already got the time off,” he interrupted. “We’ll go together. Meet me at the BAU.”

The corners of your lips quirked up, but the smile didn’t fully reach your eyes. “Thank you,” you whispered, your voice cracking slightly.

You grabbed your bag, shoving the notes you had made into the bottom. You probably weren’t going to use them, but you also didn’t want them to be lying around for somebody to read. You gave Jack a high five and kissed Aaron on the cheek as you ran out of the door, and the hot outside air felt welcoming for once.

~~~~~~~

Rossi flipped through some of the files on Hotch’s desk, going over the workload and briefing before Aaron had to leave for the day. Despite not having an actual case, the BAU was swamped with paperwork and consults that needed to be done. On top of that, Aaron still had to finalize the budget analyses and department protocol restructuring that Strauss had assigned to him. 

For a brief, horrible moment, Aaron considered staying and working through the day, but the thought was gone as soon as it came. He could imagine the look on your face, the way your eyes would fall and you would have to take a second to compose yourself. You wouldn’t have gotten mad, he knew that much. You would have said that you understood and that you’d be fine on your own and then you would change the subject and put up four more layers of walls. Somehow, that would have been so much worse.

No, nothing short of a child abduction would keep him at work.

“I sent the consult to Monterey PD on that family annihilator, although I don’t think they’re happy with it,” Rossi informed Aaron, noticing the faraway look in his eyes.

Aaron sighed and rested his elbows on his desk. “No police department likes to hear it’s one of their own,” Aaron agreed. “Have you heard back from the lab about the metal samples from the Chase-Jackson case?”

“Still inconclusive.” Rossi tilted his head slightly as he watched Aaron, who seemed to be in his own little world. “How’s Y/N doing?”

Aaron’s head shot up at Rossi’s question and cleared his throat unnecessarily. “She’s okay. She’s tough, she’ll get through it,” he sighed. “I think there’s something else going on, but she hasn’t said anything to me about it.”

Rossi leaned back in his chair, the files long forgotten. “I’m surprised you haven’t asked her about it yet.”

Aaron shook his head, his lips pressed in a line. “I don’t want to be the one to add more to her plate right now. She’ll tell me when she’s ready. I know her, and if I force it, she’s just going to close up even more.”

“Now, I wonder who else I know who does that,” Rossi said pointedly, smirking. “It explains why you haven’t told her.”

Aaron set his pen down with more force than necessary. “Told her _what?”_ he asked exasperatedly.

“That you love her.” Rossi took Aaron’s silence as his cue to continue. “You’re not very subtle.”

Aaron pondered over his words for a few moments, trying to sort through his own thoughts, but it was like his brain had short-circuited. “It’s a delicate situation,” he settled on. “Like I said, I don’t want to add anything more to her plate.”

Rossi nodded slowly, his eyebrows raised in disbelief. “You think that telling her your feelings is going to make her situation _worse?”_

“I think it’s going to be one more thing she has to expend energy on,” Aaron argued. “Especially this prematurely.”

“She’s practically living with you and Jack,” Rossi pointed out. “And I don’t think I remember you ever taking time off just to be moral support. I wouldn’t call that premature.”

“Nothing is premature to you, _married-in-Vegas,”_ Aaron shot back dryly.

Rossi chuckled and waved his finger in Aaron’s direction. “Touché,” he contended. “But my point still stands. What’s holding you back, Hotch? Can’t take the heat?”

Aaron sighed and leaned back in his chair, giving himself the space to relax for half a second. “Not everything needs words. She knows how I feel about her.”

Unconvinced, Rossi shrugged, but he chose not to press it any further. “If you say so,” was all he said, and they both went back to the files in front of them.

They worked diligently for the rest of the morning, trying to get as much done as efficiently as possible. Rossi had begrudgingly agreed to finish any of the consults that Aaron couldn’t get to before he had to leave, but that just meant that Aaron was trying to get through his work twice as fast.

A gentle knock on Aaron’s open office door was what finally broke their focus. “I hope I’m not interrupting anything,” you said, poking your head into the office.

“Not at all,” Aaron assured, his voice softening immediately, which earned him a knowing smirk from Rossi. He chose to ignore that. “Let me just finish this paragraph and we can head out.”

Rossi immediately rose from his seat and made his way towards you, cupping your face in his hands affectionately and kissing both of your cheeks, which forced a smile out of you. “How are you feeling, kiddo?”

You chuckled to yourself and shrugged. “Better than last time you saw me.”

“If you need anything at all,” he told you. “You call me, okay? You’ve got the whole team on your side.”

“I will,” you promised. “Thank you, Rossi.”

Aaron let the two of you interact for a few moments before standing up and grabbing his briefcase. “I’m ready when you are.”

The three of you walked out of Aaron’s office, Aaron keeping his hand on the small of your back the whole time. It was a small gesture — God knows Aaron was never big on PDA, especially in his place of work — but it helped ground you. It was comforting.

Just as you were about to make it to the glass doors, an older woman you didn’t recognize came up to you and Aaron. You didn’t think much of it, but Aaron immediately dropped his hand and took two steps away from you.

“Agent Hotchner,” she greeted, her voice strained.

“Section Chief Strauss. How can I help you?”

Strauss gave you a once over, her eyes disapproving the whole time, before turning back to Aaron and completely ignoring you. “I have some papers that need your signature before you go. It will only take a minute.”

Her tone made it clear that there was no room for Aaron to argue, so Aaron followed her back up to his office, avoiding looking at you the whole time. Your eyebrows scrunched slightly, but you decided not to dwell on it and instead went to talk to Derek and Spencer while you waited.

“I don't recognize her. Who was she?” Strauss asked as soon as they made it into Aaron’s office. 

Aaron’s shoulders immediately tensed up. You had worn your intern ID badge to get into the building since it was easier than having to come through as a visitor, and Strauss had no doubt noticed it, including the word _INTERN_ in bright, bold letters.

“Y/N Y/L/N,” he answered cautiously, and he kept his eyes trained on the forms he was signing. “She helped us with the DuPont case a few months back.”

Strauss eyed him, her face completely neutral. Aaron often forgot that Strass, despite being confined to a desk for most of her career, was still an agent. It was administrative, but she had still gone through all of the same training he had, and she knew how to read people.

“Right, I remember now. Her application as an intern came highly recommended by you.” Aaron stayed silent. “Agent, I hope that I don’t have to remind you about the FBI’s fraternization policies, especially between interns and high ranking supervisory agents.”

Aaron stood up a little straighter, his face emotionless as he handed the forms back to her. “No ma’am, that won’t be necessary,” he said. “And I don’t appreciate what you’re implying.”

Strauss pressed her lips into a thin line and she grabbed the papers out of Aaron’s hand. The two of them stood there in suffocating silence for a few seconds, waiting to see which one would break first. “I hope it stays an unnecessary reminder. For your sake and hers,” was all she said before turning out of the office door.

Aaron took a moment alone to take a deep breath and calm his nerves. Strauss had a point, which meant he had to be much more careful. Aaron walked back down to you, where you were sitting on the corner of Derek’s desk, head thrown back in laughter at something he had said.

“Let’s head out,” he told you, not even taking a moment to stop walking. Derek threw you a confused glance, and all you should do was shrug.

“Is everything okay?” you asked, speeding up your pace so that you weren’t just trailing behind him.

“It’s fine.”

You pressed the elevator button for the ground floor, while Aaron took his place on the other side of the elevator. “Okay, clearly it’s not?”

“Let’s just focus on getting you to the hearing,” he said firmly, ignoring what you had to say.

Irritation flashed through you like lightning — striking fast, but quicker to disappear. “You really don’t have to come if you have things here that need to be dealt with.”

Aaron clenched his jaw as the elevator door opened. He let you step out first, and then stayed a good three steps behind you. “We’ll talk about it later,” he conceded.

As soon as the FBI doors opened and you walked outside, it was like you had slammed into a wall of heat and humidity. Every breath felt like you were swallowing ash. You glanced over at Aaron to see that he had taken off his blazer and a small bead of sweat made its way down the side of his neck. Clearly, it had gotten to him, too.

_Was,_ you reminded yourself one last time as the two of you stayed five steps apart as you made your way to his car.


	19. Right Where You Left Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alright y'all, it's happening!!! there is so much legal protocol in this chapter, but also so much character development.
> 
> i hope you enjoy reading this chapter because I really enjoyed writing it!!
> 
> also, shout out to @andromedasstarship for helping me get through a writing slump for this chapter. go check out her stories, because she's GREAT

_ Did you ever hear about the girl who got frozen? _

_ Time went on for everybody else, she won't know it _

_ She's still 23 inside her fantasy _

_ How it was supposed to be _

_ Did you hear about the girl who lives in delusion? _

_ Break-ups happen every day, you don't have to lose it _

_ She's still 23 inside her fantasy _

_ \- Taylor Swift, “Right Where You Left Me” _

~~~~~~~

Getting into the jail where the hearing was going to take place was a hassle, and despite the concrete walls holding in the oppressive heat, you were shaking as your blood ran cold. The walls all felt so big and you felt so small.

Despite Aaron’s cold demeanor on the drive over, you still reached out and clung onto his hand like it was your last lifeline. When your fingers interlaced with his, he gave your hand a soft squeeze, a reminder that he was there. Because of his job, he had visited jails multiple times, and they just weren’t as intimidating to him anymore. You hoped that maybe some of his calm would rub off on you.

“Are you ready for this?” he asked once you reached the doors of the parole board. 

“Not at all,” you admitted. “I still don’t know what I’m going to say.”

Aaron brought your hand that he was holding up to his chest. “You’ll figure it out. And I’ll be right out here when you do.” He said it so calmly and so matter-of-factly, like it was the most obvious thing in the world;  _ of course, _ you’d know what to say, you always do.

It was so different from the soft, infantilizing tone that everybody else had been using to speak to you, like you were about to break at any second. Aaron never treated you like you were made of glass and you appreciated it more than you could possibly describe.

You opened your mouth to speak, but you were cut off by the frantic call of your name, and the voice made your nerves turn to ice. Aaron instinctively pulled you closer to him and his free arm wrapped around you protectively the second he saw who was calling to you.

“Y/N!” The voice called again, and this time you couldn’t help but turn to look. Your breath caught in your throat as you watched two guards lead your dad into the hearing room, dressed in an ill-fitted suit and handcuffs. His eyes were wide and he was practically panting as he stared you down. It was the look of a man who had something inside of him snap, and it was nothing like the man you remembered.

Following your dad was another man, presumably his lawyer. The lawyer must have recognized Aaron because he raised his hand as a greeting to Aaron.

Everything felt like it was in slow motion. Aaron pulled you back slightly, and your dad finally noticed him. His expression went from confusion to hurt to anger in just a matter of seconds. Your dad’s fingers twitched slightly, and all you could do was step back, even though you knew that there was nothing he could do to you.

Nothing yet, anyways.

Your dad was led into the room, while the lawyer broke off and made his way over to you. “You must be Y/N, his daughter,” he said professionally, and you nodded. You didn’t trust yourself to open your mouth. “Thank you for coming in today. Agent Hotchner, I’m surprised to see you. I didn’t think this case required federal jurisdiction.”

“Counselor Caldwell,” Aaron greeted. “I’m not here on official business. Just support.”

Caldwell nodded understandingly, although you could see him trying to put together the pieces. Beside you, Aaron stiffened. “Of course. In that case, Miss. Y/L/N, come in whenever you’re ready. We’ll be starting in a few moments.”

You nodded numbly and watched as Caldwell walked into the room, a paragon of professionalism, and it made you want to scream. You knew he was only doing his job, but that never made it any easier.

“You’re going to be fine,” Aaron whispered. “Just breathe.”

“I-” You opened your mouth, but no words could come out. You felt a lump form in your throat — not for the first time that day, and definitely not for the last. Instead of speaking, you wrapped your arms around Aaron and buried your face in his chest. Aaron quickly embraced the hug, pulling you into his protective arms and keeping one hand on the back of your head. Aaron continued to whisper little words of encouragement, which helped a little, but it felt like you were barely there at all.

In your mind, you were back in your mom’s closet, watching through the slats of the door. Your mom was in front of the closet, so you could only see her back. You could hear your dad’s panicked voice —  _ “Where is she? You can’t take her away from me, she’s my daughter! You’re trying to keep her to yourself, but it’s not going to work. I know somebody who can get us out of the country!” _ — and your mom’s reply —  _ “I called the cops on you once, and I’ll do it again. Don’t do this to her.” _

Then there was the gunshot and you had to cover your mouth as her body collapsed in a dead heap against the closet door. Blood splattered everywhere, including through the slats in the door, and some got on your face and in your hair. Your dad dropped his gun and immediately ran to her body, clutching it tightly and crying and apologizing over and over again. You wanted to scream, but nothing came out. You couldn’t say anything, or he’d know you were there, and then she would have died for nothing. So you stayed silent and stayed hidden, completely frozen in fear.

You didn’t even realize that you were on the verge of hyperventilating until you heard Aaron gently but firmly remind you to breathe again. You took a shaky breath that was more of a gasp as you met Aaron’s eyes.

“You don’t have to do this,” he reminded you.

“Yes, I do,” you said firmly, even stubbornly, and Aaron didn’t argue. He understood where you were coming from, even if he was more than a little worried. He could see the panic behind your poker face and steeled gaze. Aaron had only seen you wear that faux brave face once before, on a park bench in Baltimore two years ago, but he had been too distracted to notice it at the time.

Aaron pressed a kiss to the top of your head, still holding you close. “Then go do what you need to do, and we’ll get out of here the second it’s over.”

You gave Aaron one last nervous look before you entered the parole room. It was dead silent as you walked in, the only sound being the echoes of your shoes clicking on the floor. You could feel everybody’s eyes on you, but you kept your gaze forward, staring at the Virginia State seal on the wall. You were a big, tough girl, and you’d be fine. 

You took a seat in the front row, and the hearing committee took that as a sign to start. To get through it, you broke it down like you were in school. You studied the language they were using, watched as your dad’s lawyer wrote himself notes. You pretended that this was a hearing for a complete stranger and that this was just an exercise for a class. It was all you could do to keep from running out of the room.

Caldwell stood up, smoothing his suit as he did. It was his turn to present your dad’s case, and you sat up a little taller.

“Mr. Y/L/N has been a model inmate,” he started, and you resisted the urge to roll your eyes. “In his twelve years while incarcerated, he’s never once been put into solitary, never had a major behavioral issue. He’s held his job in prison maintenance for the past six years, something he would hope to continue if granted parole. His assigned psychiatrist believes firmly that the psychosis that triggered him to kill initially has been treated, yet he has agreed to continue to see a psychiatrist on a regular basis as a part of his parole agreement. He is no longer a threat to the public.

“He has expressed deep remorse for what he’s done, even in the immediate aftermath of the crime. He  _ wants _ to be a productive member of society again, and his time while imprisoned has proven that he can be. His hope is that he will have the chance to reconnect with his daughter, whose accomplishments he has continuously spoken proudly of. He even keeps a clipping of a local newspaper that details her scholarship to law school. Records will show that he has made attempts to contact her, and while he understands her hesitance, he hopes that this will show that he has changed.”

Oh,  _ fuck him. _

Fuck him, fuck him, fuck him. And fuck his stupid ass lawyer, too, and every person in the room that was falling for that bullshit.

His desire to reconnect with you or whatever bullshit narrative Caldwell was spinning had no bearing on whether or not he’d get parole; they were just saying that to get sympathy points from the hearing committee. Like  _ he _ was the victim in this whole situation, and you were the frigid little bitch who refused to play nice, or a teenager throwing a tantrum.

You continued to listen to Caldwell, although you were so angry you could barely focus. All you could do was glare at the back of his head and think about all of the things you were going to say to the hearing committee now.

At some point, Caldwell had stopped talking and he gestured to your dad. Holding a piece of crumpled paper, he stood up, an Oscar-worthy look of repentance on his face. For a moment, you could almost see a flash of the man he used to be, before his mind had completely snapped. You saw the dad who used to play you guitar before you went to bed and would take you on camping trips in the Virginia wilderness, and you almost felt sorry for him. You  _ believed _ in rehabilitation for inmates, and if what Caldwell was saying was true, then maybe your dad had been rehabilitated… 

But then you heard the thud of a file being dropped against the wooden table the hearing committee was sitting at, and it sounded so much like the sound of your mom’s dead body hitting the closet door, and any thought of sympathy for the man in handcuffs was gone and buried. Whoever he used to be didn’t matter.  _ If I can’t move on, then he doesn’t get to, either, _ you thought selfishly.

One of the committee members adjusted the glasses on her face as she studied the file in front of her. “Mr. Y/L/N, we’ve been told that you would like to speak on your own behalf, as well?”

Your dad nodded earnestly and it made you wish that Aaron was sitting next to you. He would have been profiling your dad, reading him to see what was true and what was just a clever story concocted by his lawyer.  _ “See how his head is down but he’s still making eye contact?” _ you could practically hear Aaron’s voice.  _ “That’s all performative remorse. He doesn’t believe what he’s saying.” _

When your dad spoke, it echoed throughout the room and you could feel the vibrations in your chest, like when the bass gets turned up too much at a concert. “What I did twelve years ago was the darkest day of my life,” he read off the paper. “And it always will be. Getting parole will not change that. I will regret it for the rest of my life. However, I believe that I have proven that I can transition back into society. It was not easy, but one thing got me through it.”

He turned to look at you, and for the first time in over twelve years, you made eye contact with him. There was no softness in his gaze, no performative remorse, just cruelty, and you had to consciously stop yourself from sinking down into your chair. His gaze felt like you were being stabbed a thousand times over. Finally, he turned back to the front of the room, and you hadn’t even realized you were holding your breath until you heard yourself sigh.

“The only thing that got me through my time in prison,” he continued as if nothing had happened. To everybody else, nothing did just happen. “Was the chance to see my daughter again. To have her call me ‘Dad’ again. She’s the only family I have left, just like I’m the only family she has left. I love my little girl, and I want to see all the great things she’s accomplished, and to see the woman she’s become.”

The air was tense in the room as he sat back down, and you felt like the concrete walls were closing in on you. _Fuck him, fuck him, fuck him._

“We will now open the floor for victim impact statements,” said the committee member. It was all a formality, considering you were the only person who had the chance to speak. The board looked at you expectantly, waiting for you to get up and give your little speech.

But you were frozen in your seat. All the air escaped from your lungs. _ Not a threat to the public _ , your brain unhelpfully remembered. Then it pulled even more memories from the depths of your mind, ones that sent that same fear down your spine, and kept you frozen.  _ As long as you remain hypervigilant, you should be fine… Should be fine. _ It was all getting to be too much, too fast. 

You must have been quieter for longer than you thought because the committee member began to speak again. “Miss Y/L/N, is there anything you would like to share with the board?” they prompted.

Your dad was staring you down, and white-hot anger flooded your body. You had said it to Aaron before — being scared all the time was  _ exhausting _ and you were so tired of being tired. So, yeah, you had more than a few things you wanted to share.

You squared up your shoulders and clenched your jaw as you stood up and strode to the podium, chin held high. “Thank you for giving me this opportunity to speak,” you started, adjusting the microphone. “I’ve thought long and hard about what to say, but there are no words to describe the worst day of my life. I remember having to walk around with my mother’s dried blood and brain matter on me for  _ hours _ while the police took photos for evidence. I had to step over her dead body, and the blood was so spread out that I had no choice but to step in it.”

“My mother should be alive today, but instead, she’s six feet under the ground, all because of  _ him. _ He says it was the darkest day of his life. But he made that choice. He pulled that trigger, and every single one of his grievances are his own fault.”

You gripped the edges of the podium until your knuckles turned white. “He orphaned me at 14-years-old. As far as I’m concerned, I have no family left. And to hear him say that he wants to be a father and be a part of my life and my accomplishments is insulting. Everything that I have done these past 12 years has been  _ in spite _ of him, not because of him, and  _ certainly _ not for him to brag about. My mom didn’t get to see my accomplishments either, but the difference is that she actually cared about me enough to want to. He took that chance away from her.

“I would also like to argue against the idea that he’s not a threat to the public. The first time he was incarcerated, they also believed that he wasn’t a threat to the public. Why would he be? He was nonviolent, well behaved, and he was only in prison for possession with intent. But clearly, he  _ was _ a threat, because my mom was dead within 36 hours of his release. She deserved to feel safe. And now, he may not be a threat to the public, but he is a threat to  _ me. _ And I refuse to spend any longer being afraid of him.”

Tears pricked at the corners of your eyes but you blinked them back as much as possible. That dull ache that you had felt all morning was back with a vengeance. “If he had known where I was, I’m certain he would have killed me, too. I deserved —  _ deserve _ — to feel safe, and my peace of mind matters, too. Even if it’s not the priority. And he says he loves me but—” Your voice got caught in your throat. You weren’t sure if you were even talking about your dad anymore. “—But this isn’t how love’s supposed to feel. He may regret what he did, but his regret will never give me that time back.”

You took a shaky breath as you stepped back from the podium, your heart hammering in your chest. You risked a glance over towards your dad, and he looked livid. His hands were twitching underneath the table, hidden from the rest of the room, and it should have terrified you. In truth, it only made you angry, and you had to get out of there as fast as possible before you completely lost your temper.

You slung your bag over your shoulder and walked straight out of the room and right to where Aaron was nervously waiting outside of the door. You grabbed his hand wordlessly, interlacing your fingers with his, and you all but dragged him towards the exit of the jail. Luckily, Aaron knew exactly what you needed, and he let you silently seethe all the way to the car.

Once you got to Aaron’s car, though, you hesitated, unable to make yourself open the passenger door. The hot air outside was suffocating, and you felt a small bead of sweat form at your temple and roll down the side of your face. But you didn’t cry, didn’t even want to, and that felt like a win.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Aaron asked softly.

“I’m fine, I’m fine,” you whispered, knowing that it wasn’t really an answer to his question.

“It’s okay if you’re not. You don’t have to be ‘fine’ all of the time.”

“I’m  _ fine,”  _ you repeated firmly, unwavering, and you still didn’t cry. 

At least until Aaron looked down at you with that furrowed brow that said he was most definitely psychoanalyzing you, and he said your name in the softest, most concerned, and most  _ broken _ voice you had ever heard.

Something inside of you cracked open and you threw yourself into Aaron’s arms, burying your face in his chest, head tucked beneath his chin, and collapsing into sobs. It was loud, ugly sobbing — the kind of sobbing that was snotty and made your whole body shake and left you gasping for air. Aaron wrapped his arms around you, letting you cling onto him with a grip so tight that it was sure to leave marks, but Aaron could not have cared less.

Aaron rubbed small circles onto your back, softly telling you that you were going to be okay and that he was so proud of you. He knew, clinically at least, how to comfort you. He’d done it enough in the field with victims and their families. Usually, however, it was JJ who would comfort them. Victims usually went to the person they felt was safest, and more often than not, Aaron’s demeanor wasn’t the warm embrace they were looking for.

But you had fallen right into his arms with no hesitation, and there was a small part of him that was grateful for that; grateful that even after what you had been through —  _ what he had put you through,  _ he corrected himself — you still felt like Aaron was a safe place to land. He wasn’t sure if he even deserved it, but he  _ was _ sure that you had been through too much too young and you did it all alone, and he wasn’t about to make you go through any more. Not alone, at least.

Neither of you was sure how long you stood in that parking lot crying, but once you could control your breathing again, you pulled away, but you kept your grip on his suit sleeves. “I’m sorry,” you sniffed. It was the only thing you could think to say. “I ruined your tie.”

Aaron shook his head and wiped at the leftover tears in your eyes. “It’s just a tie,” he assured you. “Come on, let’s go home.”

You only let go of Aaron long enough for the both of you to get into his car. The second the both of you were buckled up, his hand found yours again and he brought it up to press a kiss to the back of your hand.

The first part of the drive was in comfortable silence, but you could see Aaron’s desire to know what happened in that room. He didn’t like being out of the loop any more than you did, and he always wanted to  _ fix _ things. He couldn’t fix this, but you could at least answer the question that you knew he was dying to hear.

“I was able to figure out what to say,” you told Aaron, trying to keep your voice as normal as possible.

“I knew you would.” Aaron glanced over at you. “What do you think was holding you back?”

Your eyebrows scrunched up as you thought about it. “I guess… I don’t know. Sometimes I feel like I’m still stuck in the worst moments of my life. Like my entire existence is still hiding in my mom’s closet or - or still sitting on that park bench. And it all seems so nonlinear, too? I do everything I can to just move on and get on with my life, but it feels like I just never left. Like my soul and mind are still trapped there and only my body is moving on.” A bitter chuckle escaped your lips and you shook your head. “That doesn’t make any sense, I’m sorry.”

“No,” Aaron said, his voice strained. “Believe me, I understand  _ perfectly.” _

It was quiet as his words sunk in. “What was his name?” Aaron’s eyes snapped towards you and you swallowed down all of your nerves. “The man who killed Haley,” you clarified.

Aaron’s jaw clenched, and for a moment you were worried that you just shut him out for good. The two of you never talked about this, and barely even mentioned Haley, but it felt good to actually  _ talk _ to Aaron. To not have to dance around heavy topics.

“George Foyet,” he said finally.

You repeated the name softly to yourself, taking in the way it felt on your lips. You weren’t sure what name you were expecting, but it certainly wasn’t that. It seemed like such a normal name that it almost seemed silly to have been afraid of it for so long.

“Did you have to go through all this? You know… speak at his trial?”

Aaron shook his head. “No. He’s dead,” he said, his voice betraying a hint of darkness you had never heard before. His knuckles turned white from how tightly he was gripping the steering wheel. It didn’t take much more for you to get the general idea of how Foyet died. Aaron stared straight ahead, tense and waiting for your reaction, but you had none. It’s not like you could fault him for what he did. So you changed the subject.

“Thank you for coming today. You have no idea how much it means to me.”

“You don’t have to thank me. I would do it again in a heartbeat. Y/N, I—” The words got stuck in his throat. He hadn’t said those three words to anybody in a long time. And how could he say them to you when you were hurting, in part because of him. He wasn’t going to drag you down any more than he already had.

“Yeah?” you prompted.

“I’m really glad I met you,” he settled on, repeating the words that you had told him two years ago, and hoping that you understood the underlying meaning.

You turned towards him and flashed him a toothy grin, the one that made his heart beat a little faster than normal. “Me, too,” you agreed, and  _ of course _ you knew what those words actually meant because whether or not you knew it, two years ago, you had meant the same thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a reminder that you can find me on tumblr at https://the-modernmary.tumblr.com/ where I post memes, things that remind me of this story, and you can just talk to me on there!!


	20. My Happy Ending

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello my friends!! i am sorry this took so long to get out!! i was really struggling to write this chapter, but it's finally out!!
> 
> without further ado, some of y'all are about to be really mad at me

_ You were everything, everything that I wanted _

_ We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it  _

_ And all of the memories, so close to me, just fade away _

_ All this time you were pretending _

_ So much for my happy ending _

_ \- Avril Lavigne, “My Happy Ending” _

~~~~~~~

A few days had come and gone since the parole hearing, and life felt like it was somewhat going back to normal. It was still hot as hell, and you still had that nagging anxiety bubbling in the pit of your stomach that wouldn’t go away, but the cherry blossoms in D.C. were in full bloom and there was a light at the end of the tunnel for your academic career. After three very long and stressful years, you were  _ so close _ to being done with grad school. All you had to do was keep your grades up in your classes and finish your thesis for your master's program. Just a month and a half left. Easy.

That’s why you were headed to meet with one of your old professors and your current thesis advisor, Scott Newhouse, at a small coffee shop off campus. You had gotten incredibly lucky to work under him, as he rarely took students under his wing, but since he was the only professor who taught courses in both the law program and the forensic psych program, you had been able to convince him by the end of your first year to be your advisor.

Even luckier for you? The Newhouse family was old money and politically influential, which meant Scott Newhouse was a  _ very _ well connected advisor, who could put in a good word for you almost anywhere you wanted to work.

Like your professor said when you first met him: “It’s who you know, not what you know.” And Scott Newhouse knew a  _ lot _ of people.

As you rounded the corner to where the cafe was, you heard him call your name from one of the outside tables. He was dressed casually in a pair of jeans and a button up shirt, sunglasses perched lazily on his nose. Being only in his mid 30’s, he looked more like a student than he did a professor. 

“I’m glad you could make it!” he called, balancing precariously on the back two legs of his chair. “Thank you again for meeting me here. End of the year comes and it feels like I’m living in my office. I needed to get out, enjoy the sunlight.”

You laughed politely as you slid into the wicker chair. “There’s definitely sunlight,” you agreed, although that was putting it nicely. You were just wearing shorts and a tank top and it still felt like too much in the blistering sun, especially as the blistering heat came off the sidewalk in waves. At a peak of 92 degrees, it was sweltering, and the humidity made it feel like every breath you took was on fire.

Professor Newhope pulled an envelope out of his bag. “So. The reason I asked you to meet me. I talked to a buddy of mine at Bunch and Griffin…” He trailed off as you sat upright in your seat. 

Bunch & Griffin was a BigLaw firm that had offices all over the US. You had applied on a whim after your last job offer got arrested, although you hadn’t expected anything to come from it. They usually only accepted people in the top of their class at the top law schools who had already worked with them before. Your resume was impressive, but you were no Harvard grad. 

“I put in a good word, convinced them to take a second look at your application,” he continued casually, as if he wasn’t about to give you life changing news. He pushed the envelope towards you, and you saw the Bunch & Griffin logo. “You have an interview. It’s in a month at their main office in Chicago. All the information is in there. If you still want it, that is.”

Of course, you still wanted that job. BigLaw was practically every lawyer’s dream — a nice office, interesting cases, and a six figure starting salary. Even if you ultimately didn’t get the job, just getting an interview was exactly the win you had been desperate for to keep you from thinking that everything was falling apart around you.

“Yes! I— Thank you so much, professor, I don’t—“

He cut you off with the raise of his hand. “We’ve known each other for three years now, and you’re about to graduate,” he reminded you. “You can call me Scott.”

“Scott,” you repeated, the name feeling unfamiliar on your tongue. “Thank you. You have no idea how much this means to me.”

“Don’t start thanking me yet. You’re going to have to put in some work still. There’s going to be a retirement party for one of the judges in the rocket docket, and I know of at least three people on the hiring committee who will be there. You’ll want to come as my guest and develop a rapport. Get them to know you beforehand, and I’ll be there to make introductions. You’ll have my stamp of approval, so it should be no problem.”

“Of course! Whatever it takes, prof—  _ Scott,” _ you corrected yourself. “I really appreciate you putting your reputation on the line for me.”

Scott adjusted the sunglasses on his face with one hand, and his other arm slung over the back of the chair next to him. “I just want to make sure that you get all the job offers you deserve, especially after what happened with your old internship,” he pointed out, and you frowned slightly, unsure of what he meant. Why would the arrests that happened reflect badly on you?

Either unaware or uncaring of your confusion, Scott continued. “But don’t worry about that anymore. Stick with me, and I’ll open the door to any opportunity you could possibly want,” he promised, and the way he said it sent alarms off in your brain, but you chalked it up to just being constantly on edge these past few weeks.

“Right…” you said slowly. “Thank you.”

Still, a bead of sweat rolled down the back of your neck as he pulled out a pile of papers— your thesis. “Now, let’s go over the last round of edits.”

~~~~~~~

Aaron, who had been gone the past five days on a case, had texted you at some point during your meeting, letting you know that they caught the unsub and they would be landing back home sometime in the middle of the night. He told you to not wait up for him and that Jack would just stay at Jessica’s for the night.

Even though he wasn’t there, Aaron was letting you stay at his place, under the guise of wanting to make sure you could still be in an air-conditioned room, although you suspected that he liked the idea of being able to come home to you, especially after a case like he just had. He didn’t tell you much, but he didn’t have to for you to know that it was bad.

With that in mind, you had planned on staying up until Aaron got home, maybe even make him a nice midnight dinner before bed, but a wrench was thrown into that plan when the power went out. The heatwave caused a power outage on Aaron’s entire block, and while the city had sworn they were going to get power back up within a few hours, the previous safe-haven that was Aaron apartment was now just as suffocating and miserable as your own place. 

Still, it had Aaron, and boiling in an apartment with Aaron was much better than boiling in an apartment alone. So you texted him what was going on with his power and dealt.

While you waited up for him to get home, you excitedly looked through the envelope of information that Scott had given you. Most of it was stuff you already knew — cases they had worked on, the history of the firm, and all of its big players — but your heart sunk when you read what would be expected of new hires. Two years in their Chicago office to train, and only then would you get the chance to transfer back to DC.

Your first thought was of Aaron, and how you were supposed to tell him. You had no clue how he would react, or if he would even give you a reaction at all. You wanted him to tell you to go for it, and that this time, he would be the one waiting two years for you. He was gone all the time for work anyways, so if you two could get through all that, surely you’d be able to get through a brief long distance stint.

_ God _ , you wanted Aaron’s support and, more than that, his  _ approval _ and you hated yourself for it.

Even more so? You hated yourself when you thought of what you would do if he asked you to stay in DC. You couldn’t justify  _ not _ going to the interview, and you had to admit that the idea of moving and running away from all of your problems here in D.C. was inviting, but you didn’t trust yourself to actually go if Aaron didn’t want you to. Not when you were so close to being able to have a normal relationship with him — no more lying, sneaking around, or staying hidden.

Suddenly, the stack of papers felt more like a pile of bricks. You tucked it neatly into your backpack, hiding it away with all of the other secrets you’d had to keep the past few years in the name of being with Aaron.

By the time the clock hit 1 am, you gave up waiting for Aaron. For all you knew, he was going to spend the night at the office to finish paperwork; It wouldn’t be the first time. So you took the coldest shower possible to try and give you some relief from the heat and flopped face first onto the bed. You didn’t even bother curling up under the sheets before sleep overtook you.

The next morning, you woke up to Aaron’s alarm. Usually, you’d be able to sleep through it, but it had been so hot in the house that you weren’t able to fully fall into deep sleep. You opened your eyes, only to be met with darkness. The sunrise filtering in through the window was the only source of light you had. The power still hadn’t come back on.

Aaron shifted next to you, turning off his alarm and groaning softly to himself. He had fallen asleep on top of the covers, too, and you were grateful that he didn’t try and cuddle up to you during the night. With no A/C, it would have just been a sticky, sweaty mess, and not the fun kind.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you,” came Aaron’s whisper from behind you.

You buried your face into the pillow. “Why are  _ you _ up?” you asked.

“Work,” he said curtly, and the bed shifted as he stood up.

Realizing that you weren’t going to fall back asleep, you sat up and watched as Aaron sifted through his closet, looking for whichever black suit he decided to wear.

“They’re making you go in? You got home so late last night.” 4:37 am, to be exact. You woke up just long enough to see the clock when he had gotten in.

“Yeah, well, sometimes jobs make you do things you don’t want to,” he shot, almost condescendingly, like you were a child who didn’t understand how the world worked. You were about to remind him that you  _ literally _ had a shift at the same building he did in the afternoon when he turned around, and that’s when you understood his short fuse.

His left eye was black and blue. It was subtle, and if you didn’t know better, it could have easily been mistaken for a shadow. But you  _ did _ know better, and you had spent hours looking into his eyes, and no shadow looked that much like a black eye.

“What happened?” you frowned.

Aaron started to get dressed as he answered, but every movement was jerky and aggressive, to the point where you thought he was going to kick a hole through his slacks. “I got hit,  _ clearly. _ Although I’m lucky I didn’t get shot. Apparently, the police in Provo don’t understand what ‘wait for my signal’ means.” Aaron cut himself off, sighing as he did. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to snap. This isn’t your problem, I just—”

“I know. I get it,” you interrupted. Aaron was fully dressed by now, but the top few buttons of his shirt were undone and his tie hung loosely around his neck. The matching blazer was draped over the side of his dresser. He made his way to the ensuite bathroom so that he could brush his teeth. “I’m sorry that it was so difficult. Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not right now,” he replied, and both of you were surprised at that. You had come to expect his typical answer of ‘no’, knowing that he didn’t like to bring cases home. This time, it seemed, he was going to open up to you. He leaned on the door frame, toothbrush in hand. “What about you? How did your meeting with your advisor go?”

Your heart clenched and you suddenly became very aware of your backpack with the job interview packet sitting in the corner of the room. “Good, it was good,” you said, but it was too rushed to sound casual.

Aaron picked up on your hesitation and he raised his eyebrows at you, wordlessly prompting you to elaborate.

You shifted on the bed so that you were sitting up fully and you could feel your hair sticking to the back of your neck. It felt too hot to breath or even think. You idly considered not even telling him about the job interview — if you got the job, then you’d have to talk about it, but if you didn’t get it, then why bother even bringing it up?

But you couldn’t fight the desire for Aaron’s approval. Besides, you had spent too long trying to keep secrets, especially from and about Aaron, and you didn’t want to do that anymore.

“I have a job interview,” you said quickly. “At Bunch and Griffin.”

He popped his head through the doorway, and the smile on his face made your heart swell. “Really? They’re  _ huge.  _ Congratulations! When is it?”

The nervousness melted away and a soft grin grew on your face. “A month,” you breathed, relieved. You hadn’t dropped the other shoe yet, but it was going good so far. “I have to fly out to Chicago for the interview.”

Aaron stepped back into the bedroom as he started to put his bag together for work. The sleeves of his shirt were rolled up to his elbows now, and a thin sheen of sweat covered his skin. “Chicago? Isn’t there an office in the city?”

“Well…” you started and your tongue darted out between your lips. It was now or never. “That’s the thing. I would have to spend my first two years in Chicago, so I could train at their main office.”

Aaron stopped in his tracks for a few moments, and you held your breath. Then he just went back to gathering his stuff for work, but you could see the tension in his shoulders. “You know, I never took you for the BigLaw type of person,” he said tensely. “Appellate courts and dealing with corporations. Thought you had more rigorous morals. Do you really want to be burnt out in five years?”

A sour look crossed your face. What was that supposed to mean? “In case you forgot, I had a BigLaw job lined up just a few months ago,” you hissed through gritted teeth.

“They were also murdering people.” It was true, but the way he said it was almost implicating, as if the two things had anything to do with each other.

“This is a big deal, Aaron. It could open up every door for me.”

Aaron shrugged, still facing away from you. “If you want a resume builder, why not get a federal clerkship? I know a few judges that I could talk to and—”

You cut him off. “Because I don’t want to clerk. I want to go straight into practicing.”

“You can do whatever you want,” he said cruelly, and for the first time, you saw the dark side of Aaron always giving you what you wanted. Now anything that went wrong would fall on you and your own desires, keeping his hands relatively clean in the process. “But at a firm that big, you won’t be practicing your first two years anyway. Federal clerkships are more prestigious, it’s the same amount of time,  _ and _ they’re here in D.C.”

You tried as best as you could to push down your annoyance. “That’s your problem with this? That I’ll be moving?”

Aaron scoffed, like you were an idiot who asked the world’s simplest question. “I didn’t think that needed to be spelled out for you. Do you really think distance would work out with our schedules?”

You rolled your eyes. “We practically already do long distance. You’re gone for days at a time, and I’ve never  _ once _ complained, because I know it’s important. Why can’t you do that for me?”

“That’s different and you know it,” he shot, raising his voice slightly. “And how am I supposed to explain to Jack that you  _ chose _ to leave?”

Your eyes narrowed as anger shot through you, at first because you knew that bringing up Jack was just his way of derailing the conversation, and it wasn’t about Jack at all. And then, as you realized what he was implying, that this was a breakup with no further discussion, something deeper inside of you snapped, and cracks spread through the jar that you’ve kept all your rage in for years.

“I don’t know, Aaron!” you groaned, throwing your hands in the air. “You’ll figure it out. God knows you’ve given him enough of a complex when it comes to people being gone for work. And for the record, as much as  _ you _ may want me to be a replacement, I’m not his mother.”

It was hot, you were sweaty and sleep deprived, and you  _ really _ couldn’t be bothered to care about the low blow you just landed. Aaron’s lips curled into a sneer, but that was the only thing to give away that he was angry. His body was practically frozen in place as tension spread through his body.

“Believe me, I am  _ well _ aware of that fact, and I don’t want you to be,” he said, his voice cold as ice, and you felt like you had just gotten sucker punched in the gut. Correction— you had been hit in the stomach before, and Aaron’s comment felt way worse.

Realization hit you. “Oh my god,” you whispered to yourself as you stood up off the bed. That jar of rage exploded, and the shattered glass tore up your insides. “Of course you don’t. Wow, I’m an  _ idiot. _ I’d made my peace with being your little replacement housewife, but that was never it. I’m— I’m your second choice. Not even your second choice, I’m your  _ last _ choice.”

Aaron folded his arms across his chest and raised his eyebrows in your direction. “That is  _ some _ assumption you’re making,” he said dismissively, which only angered you more.

You balled your hands into fists so tightly that you were sure your palms were going to have little crescent moon imprints from your finger nails. As hard as you tried to avoid it, you knew that your voice was rising to a near-hysterical pitch. “And I’m right. Because when I’m around and available, it’s great, and you make me think that I’m important and special, but the  _ second _ it gets hard, you leave. You did it two years ago and it’s exactly what you’re doing now. If I move, then suddenly it won’t be  _ convenient _ for you anymore.”

“Convenient,” he repeated, like this whole conversation was tedious to him. “You think I’m with you because it’s  _ convenient?” _

“Yeah, I do. I’m your speed dial slut that you can use whenever you’re pissed off at the rest of the world. And I let you. When we first met, you didn’t give a  _ fuck _ about me. If Haley had even  _ glanced _ at you, you would have tossed me out with the garbage, and for some reason, I was  _ okay _ with it. You— you turned me into a person that I don’t even recognize anymore.”

Oh, Aaron did  _ not _ like that. His eyes glowered as he stood a step towards you. He used his height to tower over you, making you feel 2 feet tall. It was hard to meet his eyes, and even harder to look away from his bruises. “Don’t make me the monster in this situation,” he warned, unconsciously repeating the same phrase that Haley used on him all those years ago. “You’re not blameless. Clearly this resentment towards me has been building up for a long time, but you’ve never brought it up. Your inability to communicate isn’t on me.”

He took another step towards you. “And need I remind you that you were an equal and willing participant. For all of it. Everything that happened only happened because you wanted it just as much. You asked, got on your knees and  _ begged _ me for it, even. You made an  _ adult _ decision that had  _ adult _ consequences. You don’t get to go back now and stomp around and throw a  _ tantrum _ just because your feelings got hurt.”

You shook your head rapidly, blinking back hot tears of frustration. “No, that’s not true. I just wanted to get laid. I didn’t want—” You waved your hands wildly in the air in front of you. “— to get dragged into all of your issues. I lost  _ two years _ of my life because of you. I didn’t see my friends, I didn’t meet anybody new, I didn’t go out. And I sure as fuck didn’t ‘beg’ for you to come in and screw up my entire life.”

“Oh, I’m  _ sorry,” _ he said harshly. “Did you not get to go out and get drunk and party and sleep around? Because the alternative was to have your life picked through while they put you into witness protection. Is that what you wanted instead? For me to unnecessarily put a target on your back and force you to have to leave everything behind? Don’t talk about things you couldn’t even begin to understand.”

“You left me for dead!” you shrieked, finally saying out loud what you were too afraid to even admit to yourself.

Aaron’s phone rang and, to your surprise, he sent it to voicemail once he looked at who was calling. Apparently, he was more than ready to duke this out with you. “No, I did my job, and it protected you. I knew that you were safe.”

“Bullshit,” you accused. “You couldn’t have known that. Not for sure, anyway. I think that’s just a lucky excuse you can use so you don’t feel like you fucked up, the way you’ve fucked everything else up.”

He pressed his lips together tightly in an effort to not blurt something out that he would regret. You weren’t stupid, even though he apparently thought you were, and you knew that he could read you like a book. Make him mad enough and he’d be able to slice you to pieces in just a sentence or two, but you couldn’t stop yourself from twisting the knife further. A sick, twisted part of you was delighting in the fact that you were able to get a reaction out of Aaron, no matter how small it was. He was no hothead— his anger was always the quiet, simmering type, and everything he said was calculating and cutthroat.

When his phone rang again, he sent it straight to voicemail once more and then put it on vibrate. Thank god, because if you had to hear that stupid marimba again, you were seriously going to break the phone.

“Actually, I could have known that, and I _did,”_ he shot defiantly. “And contrary to your belief, I didn’t just forget about you. I was on the lookout for any hint that he knew about you, but the less everybody knew, the safer you were. If you got involved in the case, you would have been in more danger, because that would have confirmed a relationship. You’re not naïve, I know that you can understand something that simple.”

Your face went hot, and you were unsure if it was from anger, embarrassment, or the rising temperature in the room. Maybe it was all three. “What hint could you have been looking for? Do you think he was going to send you a handwritten letter? ‘Dear Aaron, I found out about your college whore. I’m going to go kill her now!’ Did it ever occur to you that maybe he  _ knew _ about me already, and you were too ashamed of us to admit it?”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” he shouted.

“I looked him up, this Foyet guy,” you explained, and you secretly relished when Aaron flinched at the name. A perverted wave of confidence flooded you, and as you spoke, you jabbed your finger into Aaron’s chest and backed him up into the corner of his room.

“He gets off on control and psychological torture, right? And what would be more tortuous than your own dirty little secret. He makes it seem like your family is the target, forces you to not be able to talk to your son or the woman you were in love with, and all the while, you have to think about your dumb little side piece. You lose either way. Either you come clean about us, and then everybody would know. It would go into official reports and FBI records that would follow you your whole career. And Haley would know, and she would  _ never _ look at you the same.”

That clearly hit a nerve, and Aaron’s collected composure cracked to reveal something like hurt. Still, you continued on your warpath. “Or you don’t say anything. Hope that your assumption was right. Until you came to work one day and saw my dead body draped on the steps of the FBI, wearing the lingerie you bought me, and surrounded by the countless champagne bottles and takeout boxes and hotel room keys from all our illicit trysts. Would you admit to it then? Or would you save your dumb reputation and claim it was a copycat, and that you had no idea who I was? Having to live with the fact that you were relieved it was me and not her. Talk about psychological torture.”

Something shifted in Aaron, and his expression changed from hurt to pure fury. There was a darkness in his eyes that you had never seen before, and it scared you a little bit. Now it was his turn to walk you backward, towering over you and making you feel small.

“That is one of the most self-absorbed,  _ narcissistic _ delusions I have ever heard,” he seethed. “And you don’t believe any of that. You wouldn’t still be here if you did.”

He was right, of course. You never actually believed that he would let it get that far, but that didn’t stop the constant ache in your chest and fear in your head.

Aaron kept walking you backwards. “You’re a scared, insecure little girl projecting your own feelings of inadequacy on me, but it’s not going to work. If you’re that miserable here, then fine. Leave. Go run away to Chicago to try and escape everything going on here. I’m sure you’ll find another empty suit who will be foolish enough to warm your bed and give you that male approval that you are so clearly  _ desperate _ for.” The back of your knees hit the edge of his bed and you fell so that you were sitting down and Aaron looked ten feet tall. “What? Daddy’s obsession with you isn’t enough?”

You could feel the exact moment when your heart broke. You wanted to throw up or maybe even hit him. You should have told him to go fuck himself and stormed out of there with what little was left of your pride. But instead you went on the offensive, not wanting him to get the last word.

So you stood up from the bed and sprinted towards the other side of the room, putting as much space between the two of you as possible. “God, you are so  _ fucking _ frustrating, it makes me feel like I’m crazy. And I hate this stupid game we play to see who can get the bigger reaction out of the other one. And I hate all of the lying and withholding and sneaking around. And sometimes,  _ especially now, _ I really hate—“ You cut yourself off, instead letting out a loud groan of annoyance before grabbing a spare go-bag of Aarons and frantically tearing your clothes our from the closet and shoving them in the bag. Vaguely, you could hear Aaron’s phone vibrating, but you did not care enough to bring it up.

Aaron clenched and unclenched his hands. “Now what are you doing?”

You spun around sharply, a bundle of clothes gripped so tightly you were sure some of them ripped. “Leaving!” you screamed.

It was quiet for a few tense moments, both of you breathing heavily and sweating and finally looking each other in the eyes. How did a stupid job offer escalate into all this?

“I’m leaving,” you repeated, quieter this time. “Obviously, this whole thing was a mistake for both of us.”

Suddenly, the power clicked back on, and you could hear the soft whir of the air conditioning. Aaron’s face became emotionless, already resigned to what was happening.

“Okay.” Aaron placed a hand on his hip, looking at you coolly. As if the two of you didn’t just spend the last thirty minutes trying to see who could hurt the other one the most.

Any fragments of your shattered heart were immediately grinded to dust. All of the fight left you. “That’s it?”

Aaron sighed dramatically, like he was bored with this whole conversation. You hadn’t expected him to cry or pull out the theatrics, but you thought you would get  _ something _ out of him. You were practically living with him, had met his friends, had gone to his son’s soccer games and school fairs, but there he stood, acting like he didn’t care one way or the other if you stayed. “What do you want me to say? Do you want me to get on my knees and beg for you to stay in a situation that is clearly making you unhappy? I’m not going to play these games with you. You’re a big girl, use your words.”

You could have said yes. Could have sat down and talked it out like normal people and apologized. Maybe you could have even saved the relationship. But you didn’t. You stubbornly dug your heels further into the ground and shook your head as you wiped away a stray tear. Then you hit the final nail in the coffin on your time with Aaron. “Fuck you. I don’t want anything to do with you anymore.”

“Whatever you want.”

If you were paying close enough attention, you could have seen the exact moment Aaron’s heart broke, too. Then both of you put on your lawyer faces, the one that seemed so impenetrable.

Aaron checked his watch. “I’m late for work,” he said casually, like this was a business transaction. “Don’t forget to set the alarm when you leave.”

You folded your arms over your chest, giving yourself a sort of self-hug. “Okay. I’ll leave your stuff and your key in a box outside of my door. You can get it whenever.”

Aaron and you made eye contact one more time, both of you waiting to see if the other one would crack first. You knew, deep down, that Aaron would stay if you asked him to. He’d work it out with you, and the idea was so tempting. But you were hurt and so was he and you both crossed way too many lines and were too mean and you had been dragged down by each other enough already.

Aaron looked away first, which should have been a victory, but it just made you sick to your stomach. He grabbed his go bag and started towards the door, and you turned away so that you didn’t have to see him walk away.

You waited and waited for the door to slam, but it never came. A foolish, hopeful part of you thought that he had stayed, and you whipped around as quickly as possible, but the apology died on your tongue. The apartment was empty and the bedroom door was wide open, and somehow that was so much worse than if he slammed it. At least then you’d know he had any actual emotions about what just transpired, instead of just apathy.

You let out a choked sob as you ran towards the bedroom door, slamming it for him.

~~~~~~~

“Baby girl, stop pacing,” Derek chided, leaning back in his chair at his desk. He was watching as Penelope nervously tapped her nails against her phone. “We’ve all been late a few times.”

“And it worries me every single time, because too often, it means one of you is in danger!” she argued. “I’ve called Hotch three times and he hasn’t answered. He  _ always _ answers.”

JJ shrugged from her desk. “We got in late, and he had a rough time on the case. He could just be getting some well-deserved sleep.”

“Or maybe he’s getting a little extra loving from his girl this morning,” Derek laughed.

Penelope’s eyes went wide, and Derek could see the lightbulb going off. “Good idea! I’ll call her!”

Penelope went through her contacts and dialed your number, immediately putting it on speaker phone. It rang once… twice… three times… and then went to voicemail.

Emily leaned forward a little in her desk, and the group of profilers all shared a look of concern. For most people, four missed calls weren’t something to worry about, but they all remembered what happened last time Hotch didn’t answer his phone. “Call her again,” she suggested.

Penelope redialed your number, and this time you answered almost immediately.

“Hello?” you answered sharply, but Penelope was too relieved to notice. She put the phone on speaker again.

“Oh good, you answered! Are you with Hotch? We’ve tried calling him, but he hasn’t answered his phone, and we were getting worried.”

You swore under your breath and the team heard you sniffle on the other end of the line. “Uh, yeah, sorry. He left a few minutes ago,” you replied lamely.

“I’m just glad you’re safe,” she breathed. “Oh, and since I have you, are we still on for lunch? There’s this new vegan comfort food place down the street that’s supposed to be—“

“Pen, I’m not feeling very good today,” you cut her off, and she frowned to herself. “I’m actually going to call in sick. Next time. I have to go. Bye.”

You hung up immediately, and the team all just stared at the phone in Penelope’s hand. They knew you had a lot on your plate recently, and they readily accepted that as an explanation for your desire to get off the phone.

The nervous energy died down quickly as the team listened to Derek and Spencer debated whether or not  _ Star Wars _ was actual science fiction or just fantasy with science elements. They had almost forgotten about the phone call when Hotch burst through the double glass doors, eyes narrowed and shoulders tense. His black eye from the day before was glaringly obvious, especially contrasted to the red tinge around his other eye.

A hush fell over the bullpen as Hotch’s sour mood seeped into every corner of the room, radiating off of him in waves. He could feel everybody’s eyes on him, but the worst was his team looking at him with concern and pity.

He walked by their desks on the way to his office. “I hope that this gossip circle you all have going on is work related,” he snapped. “Because I’m not going to stay late to finish your paperwork today. Just because I’m not here doesn’t mean you all get to slack off.”

Aaron was louder than he meant to, because even Rossi poked his head out of his office in confusion. Aaron stormed his way up to his office, missing the shared shrug between Rossi and Morgan.

Morgan pointed at Hotch, as if to say: “ _ He likes you the most. You talk to him.” _

Rossi watched in concern as Hotch unlocked his office door. “Aaron…” he started, but Aaron just shook his head.

Aaron entered his office wordlessly and this time, he slammed the door.


End file.
